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Asami Asami is offline
Rainbow Goddess
Default Asami's poetry AND trisphee parodies!   #1  
I'll be posting my poems here XD as you can tell i suck at intros

Aug 17 2012: added trisphee song parodies to my collection


Galls song:
Mulan- ill make a man out of you (gall- ill make a site out of you)
Last edited by Asami; 08-17-2012 at 03:26 AM.
Old Posted 01-07-2012, 04:49 AM Reply With Quote  
Default   #2   Asami Asami is offline
Rainbow Goddess
the lonely girl~

unnamed


Misery of the forgotten soul


my last breath

unnamed


Like A Puppet



New poems
http://www.trisphee.com/forums/showp...9&postcount=27



my closet
Dark is my puppyi luff hermes<3
Last edited by Asami; 08-05-2012 at 02:54 PM.
Old Posted 01-07-2012, 05:03 AM Reply With Quote  
Kit Katy Kit Katy is offline
Ho! Miscreant!
Default   #3  
Out of the set you've posted, I think that The Lonely Girl and Like a Puppet are your strongest poems. These stuck out because of the clear images and organized text. Both are depressing, but also memorable and my favorites.

~ You can dance if you want too,
You can leave your friends behind.
Because if they don't dance,
Then they're no friends of mine ~
Old Posted 01-13-2012, 11:14 PM Reply With Quote  
Default   #4   Asami Asami is offline
Rainbow Goddess
thank you ^^ those are two of my more recent poems
and i work very hard on each poem ^^
thanks for appreciating them <3

i only work well with writing depressing poetry XD


my closet
Dark is my puppyi luff hermes<3
Old Posted 01-17-2012, 04:28 PM Reply With Quote  
Quiet Man Cometh Quiet Man Cometh is offline
We're all mad here.
Default   #5  
"Like a Puppet" is definately creepy, though some of the rhyming does feel a bit forced and doesn't flow as well as it could in my opinion. The poem that stuck out most to me so far is "My Last Breath," the last two lines in the first part particular. I do like the short stanza pattern in the second part. :)
Old Posted 01-17-2012, 09:27 PM Reply With Quote  
Default   #6   Asami Asami is offline
Rainbow Goddess
yeah i just like rhyming. it helps me figure out my sentences better lol... i still need to name the other two. XD i havent figured out a good name for them yet. ;-;


my closet
Dark is my puppyi luff hermes<3
Old Posted 01-18-2012, 03:14 PM Reply With Quote  
DarkForbidden-Love DarkForbidden-Love is offline
Person, what Person?
Default   #7  
I'm not fond of ryming(but that is personal preference). Your poems are interesting and thought provoking. The picture's threw me at first but I'm going to assume they are the pictures that inspired the poem. A favorite of mine is the "Like A Puppet"
Puppy to Asami
Gallagher is Nursy~
Broken Muse is my girlfriend
And Ducky is awesome!

Quote:
That is the general nature of things! An equality, a mutal need!

What? To kill and be killed? To love and to feed? That is what you support! There is no equality between the pet and the master.
-Elizabeth & Jason (From The Thirteenth Season)
Old Posted 01-18-2012, 10:13 PM Reply With Quote  
Default   #8   Asami Asami is offline
Rainbow Goddess
actually the pictures just really reminded me of the poems lol


my closet
Dark is my puppyi luff hermes<3
Old Posted 01-18-2012, 10:21 PM Reply With Quote  
Arsis_von_Neaera Arsis_von_Neaera is offline
THIS. IS. SPAR -shot- ... *gurgle*
Default   #9  
I really enjoyed your first unnamed poem. I rather like that it was unnamed, the ambiguity made it more inviting, struck my curiosity, so to speak. But the poem itself brings a very clear light on a very detached human condition, that we are our own excuses. My interpretation might be skewed, but I felt like the poem was a slap in the face almost, to humanities lack of ownership towards its own plight.

Theres more to it than that, but I really like the pink elephant view towards the human condition. It's true. We very rarely acknowledge that we are our own problem, that our own discomfort is simply a direct backlash of what we have created, despite our best intentions. That really, our fingers pointed should be fingers better used to mend.

Well... that's my interpretation of it.
Old Posted 01-23-2012, 07:34 PM Reply With Quote  
Default   #10   Asami Asami is offline
Rainbow Goddess
thats exactly what i was going for! C: you are awesomes C:


my closet
Dark is my puppyi luff hermes<3
Old Posted 01-23-2012, 07:52 PM Reply With Quote  
Arsis_von_Neaera Arsis_von_Neaera is offline
THIS. IS. SPAR -shot- ... *gurgle*
Default   #11  
Cool :D

This is more just my opinion, but... the second unnamed. I really like this one as well. There's two angels that can be taken from it, but really the completed image of the poem remains the same. It's describing fake people, AND its describing falseness. Not just describing the culprit, but describing the crime... Not just the victim, but also the wound. And it also can be read from either of those perspectives. It both accuses and victimizes the "individual" your describing.

It feels kind of like an hourglass. Not so much completed circles as it is two things at once. Ever seen that painting of the old woman and young woman, where really its just the perspective that you take of it? This poem has done that. It can be taken personally, or it can be seen suggestively and general.

I like that. It's awesome. Intended or not. Killing two birds with one stone, even if they don't deserve to die, is a feat.
Maybe it's a condition, ever think of that? No, no you didn't. You never thought, "oh maybe he's sensitive about his invisible eyes." Maybe it's a skin condition.

"Maybe she was born with it..."
Old Posted 01-23-2012, 08:11 PM Reply With Quote  
Default   #12   Asami Asami is offline
Rainbow Goddess
wait do you mean the unnamed one or "like a puppet"
because that describes what i was doing with the puppet poem. i wrote it about myself and this situation i was in. this person who loved to control me and such. i dont like to get into specifics but that was written to get my pain out.


my closet
Dark is my puppyi luff hermes<3
Old Posted 01-23-2012, 08:15 PM Reply With Quote  
Arsis_von_Neaera Arsis_von_Neaera is offline
THIS. IS. SPAR -shot- ... *gurgle*
Default   #13  
So, "like a puppet" seems very personal to you. "unnamed" 2 was what I was talking about. The unnamed one can take two different perspectives, both being outward, allowing the reader (not the writer), to really understand the perspective and kind of put themselves "in your shoes". "like a puppet" has a very sentimental feel, and a very personal view to it. It's the kind of poem that makes me feel as though I shouldn't dare put myself in your shoes for I really don't want to.

The second unnamed poem was more outward, "like a puppet" was very inward, but both take on a kind of dual meaning, which is very awesome.

And so, I really enjoyed "like a puppet", but I really enjoyed of it because it very much so captures you and puts it in words. It's a situation that can be related to others, but has such a sentimentality that it can't easily be duplicated. Its deeper emotional ties allow the poem to reflect on the readers experiences, while leaving a strong of personal sentiment that it can be taken and understood as extremely intimate.

That's the word I was looking for, intimate. "like a puppet" is very intimate. unnamed 2 was ambiguous and general, leaving a shotgun emotional pattern that is highly effective at relating to others and conveying a personal message to any number of people. "like a puppet" was irreplaceable, intimate, and special.

Not that either of your other poems weren't, this one just more so in particular. :)
Maybe it's a condition, ever think of that? No, no you didn't. You never thought, "oh maybe he's sensitive about his invisible eyes." Maybe it's a skin condition.

"Maybe she was born with it..."
Old Posted 01-23-2012, 08:28 PM Reply With Quote  
Default   #14   Asami Asami is offline
Rainbow Goddess
oh i see XD thanks for clearing that up. it just seemed as though you were describing that poem rather the other. in unnamed 2 i was trying to describe the beauty of death rather than what you said. but its awesome that someone got that out of that poem. it makes me feel good that others have different views of my poetry.


my closet
Dark is my puppyi luff hermes<3
Old Posted 01-23-2012, 08:34 PM Reply With Quote  
Arsis_von_Neaera Arsis_von_Neaera is offline
THIS. IS. SPAR -shot- ... *gurgle*
Default   #15  
Perspective is everything.
Maybe it's a condition, ever think of that? No, no you didn't. You never thought, "oh maybe he's sensitive about his invisible eyes." Maybe it's a skin condition.

"Maybe she was born with it..."
Old Posted 01-23-2012, 09:14 PM Reply With Quote  
Default   #16   Asami Asami is offline
Rainbow Goddess
Yes it is

On that note I'm in the middle of writing a new poem.. though I'm having troubles ending it..


my closet
Dark is my puppyi luff hermes<3
Old Posted 01-27-2012, 05:53 PM Reply With Quote  
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