[Arsis_von_Neaera]

Your writing so reminds me of two bands; Heaven Shall Burn and Intestine Baalism. Heaven Shall Burn makes amazing music and has one of the most awe inspiring vocal presence of all time. Intestine Baalism, on the other hand, writes instrumentals that sound like they were written in the blood of bone-stripped angels, though their vocalist is terrible, and their production quality left something to be desired.

I suggest HSB's - Voice of the Voiceless OR Endzeit (I recommend Endzeit first). And I also suggest you check out A Place Their God's Left Behind by Intestine Baalism

Needless to say, I enjoy the tone of this poem. It's very roses and blood stained white lace dark romantic feel. Maybe I'm just in a metal mood.

[Suzerain of Sheol]

Will do.

Actually, I think this weekend I'll go on a music sampling extravaganza, since it's been a while and my list is getting pretty extensive.

[Arsis_von_Neaera]

Like A Thousand Sons by HSB is also a good one.

[Suzerain of Sheol]

Talk about glass half empty...

This is probably my most cynical poem, written in the throes of anguish at coming to understand Scott Bakker's "semantic apocalypse". I've thankfully recovered since. >_>

Don't think I ever posted this here.


The Fever of Philanthropy

A soul gone missing goes unnoticed,
just another shade in the forest of precision.
A symptomatic wraith of the immaterial impairment.

God damn your eyes.

And here's where they took refuge,
in the wreckage where we used to play our chemical games.
The plastic paradise,
the apocalyptic schoolyard.
An animal's purest love
for those shocking feelings, requited by the ether.
For such vivid imagery.

Hands passing through fire, the realist's nirvana,
just an atheist's consistency,
mere entropy made manifest.

A living martyrdom of exceptional nihilism.

The solitary tribulation, everywhere to be witnessed,
were we not bequeathed a bastard's comprehension.
An impoverished interpretation,
a distorted confession, moments from the vanishing,
distending through the illusory masterpiece.

A maze of simple solidarity,
amazed at serendipity.

Behind the chameleon drapery,
within the fortress of refraction:
a trove of arcane grandeur
dressing up the lonely leper's lonesome home.

And there it is,
the insectile God with its herds of protozoal thralls.
Just a miserable incidence, a narcissist's miracle.
An indignant masquerade.

Around, around, and around,
our flawless circle, spinning just to keep itself spinning.

I am suffocating on self-evidence.

[Arsis_von_Neaera]

I had to look up Scott Bakker's "semantic apocalypse" first, which may have been a mistake, we'll see when I recover.

My god, that was more brutal than deep fried babies. I felt myself get a little more depressed after that, I think I need some chocolate bon bons now. I might go curl into a ball and cry myself to sleep. *snuggles a teddy bear with teary fearful sorrowful eyes (that I don't have) and starts sucking his thumb*

No, really, that was brutal. The point was clear, very straightforward, and again, written fantastically. I have to question whether your really just some famous writer playing games with me or whether your genuinely sharing these with me. Have you ever published anything?

And also, I liked this piece because it has a particular rhythm to it. It feels like it was written to a ball room dance; a very unhappy one. There are a couple lines in particular that I really appreciate:

"just an atheist's consistency,
mere entropy made manifest."

"A maze of simple solidarity,
amazed at serendipity."

These lines are very pleasant to the tongue.

I really, genuinely enjoy your literature. If you were a published writer, I would wholeheartedly support your career.

[Suzerain of Sheol]

Oh, God, I was not recommending you go look that up. Seriously, you have my condolences.

And, no, you flatter me. I've never had anything published.

[Arsis_von_Neaera]

You should, why not?

[Suzerain of Sheol]

Eh... well, for one thing, there's an order of magnitude (or two) more people writing poetry than reading poetry. Sadly, publishing poetry isn't worth much prestige. Plus, a lot of places won't take submissions that have been "published" on the internet already. Also, finding a home for my poetry would be somewhat difficult. I'm not exactly "mainstream:. :|

On the other hand, I would like to get my novels published some day, I just need to finish them... I'm my own worst enemy with that. I end up hating everything I write and just scrapping it and starting over. I also work very slowly on them. >_>

Could maybe try to get Diegesis published sometime...

[Quiet Man Cometh]

You know, duotrope that his dandy "reprint" button that you can click and it will search for those magazines that accept reprints along with whatever other details you specify. ;)

[Suzerain of Sheol]

I've never had any luck with Duotrope, I fear. The magazines they suggest always seem so... odd. I really wonder if most of them even get read.

[Arsis_von_Neaera]

If you want help with your novels, I would be happy to read them over, edit, and give comments or suggestions. I've been working on two separate novel sized series myself, maybe we could swap stories?

[Suzerain of Sheol]

We could, only... my problem is in opening chapters. I currently intend to rewrite every one I have. Not happy with them at all, they just don't work, and I'm honestly too discouraged most of the time to even try.

I could tell you about what I'm trying to do, though. I think you'd find my planned novel trilogy that I've been doing all this research for especially interesting.

[Arsis_von_Neaera]

I would. I would be happy to share my mindless pieces I've so far written on my novels and let you decide from their whether it be worth exchanging. Believe me, I'm more in it for the something to do than I am to actually improve upon your writing. I'm growing quite fond of your writing style, I'm more genuinely interested in reading them, maybe helping you with direction, than in criticizing your work. But if you feel as though your not at a stage to share, perhaps you could just read mine?

[Quiet Man Cometh]

Originally Posted by Suzerain of Sheol

I've never had any luck with Duotrope, I fear. The magazines they suggest always seem so... odd. I really wonder if most of them even get read.

Duotrope is a listing and shows any magazine that wants to list itself, so yeah, lots of research and follow-up reading needed.

[Suzerain of Sheol]

Well, I have stuff I can share, I'm just not entirely happy with it. I don't want to put it up on the forums, either, for the above reasons, so email would be better, especially with formatting.

But, I'll have to just tell you about the trilogy since no work has been done for it. Besides one tiny, minor little scene that likely won't even make it in. But I can put *that* here right now, I suppose.

Night, and the City. Fear, and a hundred-thousand fires. The scent of abandon rises on arid air. The Earth is quiet. The stars hold no regard. A pulse ponders through the moments between moments, a living quiver-and-sigh. The life-breath of humanity, drawn in, let loose.

Witness the dirt on their swords. Witness months forsaken, offered without intention or direction. Witness mouths of filthy teeth, chattering blasphemies where prayers would do no good. They spit the language of blood, for each word is a murder and forgiveness is forgotten.

The Screamer is the master of the Temple. With words in the dialect of ash, he binds them all to the glamor of his hope.

“I have seen what you have feared!
I have listened in the dark when all others could only cower in their homes!
Hear me, and heed me, for I know what comes upon us.
Ruin! Ruin, they bear in the dust of their wake, and slaughter rides before them!
But we are not alone, dear friends!
For I have raised my voice to Heaven far above, and I have plead at the door of every mansion of paradise!
We are not alone, and we are not to know fright!
I have seen the gates lift high. I have seen the banners unfurled. I have seen the mustering of the angels of the LORD, and I know, before the dawn, that I shall have seen salvation.”

This is the testament. This shall be the affirmation, for affirmation is needed once again. Like winds battering the mountain, like the ocean's war with the world, they come. They beg for agony, they burn with the significance of apocalypse.

They shall not set foot within the City. They shall not prove the Screamer wrong.

They shall not be suffered to bring suffering to the children of my children.

Behold this. Seize upon this revelation, this utter truth, and let it burst within you, an empyrosis of my will. You are my wrath, this night, Gavri'el. You are my answer.

Here is the scythe of the LORD.

Yours is the hour, my son.

[Arsis_von_Neaera]

I spoke the dialogue aloud because I was excited about it. It sounds very very epic up until the "We are not alone, and we are not to know fright!".
The rest of this is sufficiently powerful in spoken dialogue. That is the only line that felt odd. I would suggest a different word from fright. Other than that, this rather got my blood pumping.