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Ava Ava is offline
Hakuna matata
Default   #3361  
I asked a friend of mine online today,
We were talking about Middle Eastern foods and customs, so I asked, "Are you Middle Eastern?"
And he got.... offended??? He was like, "I think you are stereotyping me"..?

I mean, he has every right to feel how he does...
But it wasn't like this was random? We were talking about Middle Eastern food and customs and he seemed to know a lot about both. Hence, why I asked. I wanted to learn about him through his culture.
And he said, "I don't care about a person's background. I only care about the person".

It's valid for him to feel how he does,
But.. I'm a black woman, myself. I understand how it sucks to be stereotyped,
But I am not at all offended when someone wants to learn about met through my culture. You know?
I almost took offense to him taking offense to being upset about being asked if he was Middle Eastern because the reaction I got from him made it seem like it was a *bad* thing...

Not a bad thing to ask, but rather, assuming that I asked because of ill intentions, or if he WAS Middle Eastern, that that was a bad thing in and of itself, you know?

I'm so used and desensitized to people asking me, "What are you?" "Are you mixed?" "What are you mixed with?" And I always take pride in sharing my culture with other people now. I guess my perspective on people asking me about my heritage is more in a way of, "I want to get to know you better, please share your childhood and background with me" rather than a "I don't care about you, only your heritage" (Which, I HAVE also experienced and it does suck.)

Sorry for my little rant.
I just feel like it shouldn't have to be that a person is either themselves or their culture. Why can we not be both in this world? Having a heritage and a culture you are proud of doesn't make you less of a person than someone who has other things that they feel defines them.
Everyone has a right to their own opinion, but I think the "you're stereotyping me"...? I don't think that's a fair reason to make someone feel bad about asking about another person's culture. A simple, "No. I'm not middle eastern" would have been just fine.

Or even, "I appreciate you trying to get to know me, but I don't really talk about my background" or... anything like that? You know? We ALL have a culture, we all have a background and heritage... and I guess it gets to me because I spent almost all of my early teens trying to run from my heritage. I'm a mixed girl with brown skin, and it's painfully obvious to everyone that I am not just another white girl or black girl, for that matter... I will NEVER belong in those groups, I will always be an outlier. I used to get so angry when white people would call me their "black friend", and I used to get equally as upset when black people made it clear I was "white girl" to them. Having Latinx background also threw a wrench in the machine, when I got a little older, I realized that Spanish wasn't a language most people spoke at home ,so I did everything I could to avoid being associated with it, my parents and family tried hard to teach me , and NGL, I used to be nearly fluent, or at least, fluent enough that I could do basic things while speaking Spanish... but the shame made me run from it, when we got the choice to learn French vs. Spanish in school, I was like "French is classy." so I chose that...

I think I'm also maybe jealous, because from his pictures, he could easily pass as a white man (If he isn't white) so for him, he can easily say "Yeah, I don't have any culture or background" and he would be accepted everywhere and anywhere, pretty much. I don't have that luxury of being able to slide into a room and have no one question my background, or have no one notice my skin color. I don't have that luxury of not being immediately judged based on how I look... You wouldn't believe the number of times I've met someone (all races) and immediately they say, "You don't look like you would sound like that!" I don't have that luxury of being able to avoid judgement until I speak. I am immediately judged as soon as someone sees me.

... This got much longer than I expected! O_O
Sorry!
"Should I tear my eyes out now?
Everything I see returns to you, somehow
Should I tear my heart out now?
Everything I feel returns to you, somehow
I want to save you from your sorrow"

--- Sufjan Stevens
Picture drawn by itty
Old Posted 07-07-2020, 11:53 PM Reply With Quote  
Default   #3362   Ava Ava is offline
Hakuna matata
I also realized that I forgot to mention the whole reason why I felt weird about our conversation...

In the past, he has asked me loads of questions and sent me many links regarding my background, such as asking me how I feel about BLM or my opinion on things like rap, hip hop, etc...

I talked with a friend of mine also who is a WOC,
And we both agreed that it seemed like this person I was talking to didn't see me as an equal. For him, he feels he doesn't have a culture and that anyone who dares ask his background is "stereotyping him"... whereas, he asks me often about my own background and my own opinion on race relations..???

I do have to consider the source, though..
This person, since I have known them, have shown themselves to be not very understanding in the past. For instance, he would get extremely and unhealthily angry if he texted someone and they did not text back within the hour. I kid you not, he would block them and then tell me that that person was "dead" to him.

It just felt weird to me that somehow it was okay for him to not be "stereotyped"... and yet, he asks me all the time about common "black" issues?
And NGL, there were times where I felt like he was only really talking to me to "observe" me, and not actually to talk like we're friends. I don't think he sees me as an equal, especially if he feels like culture and ethnicity doesn't affect him yet somehow feels alright to basically talk to me about my own culture and background?

I closed our DMs for now...
"Should I tear my eyes out now?
Everything I see returns to you, somehow
Should I tear my heart out now?
Everything I feel returns to you, somehow
I want to save you from your sorrow"

--- Sufjan Stevens
Picture drawn by itty
Old Posted 07-09-2020, 01:42 PM Reply With Quote  
KittyBeary KittyBeary is offline
More More More Magic
Default   #3363  
Quote:
Originally Posted by Voidbarker View Post
i still haven't gotten to a commission and am nervous about getting to it because it's been at least a year by now. hell.
Did you by any chance cancel the trade I sent a while ago? If so that's ok. XD
Old Posted 07-10-2020, 11:04 PM Reply With Quote  
Default   #3364   Voidbarker Voidbarker is offline
A*DIC*TED
Quote:
Originally Posted by KittyBeary View Post
Did you by any chance cancel the trade I sent a while ago? If so that's ok. XD
ya, it felt awkward, esp since i still haven't done anything.
percival is busy being queer as hell. he was also here.
Old Posted 07-11-2020, 11:42 AM Reply With Quote  
Voidbarker Voidbarker is offline
A*DIC*TED
Default   #3365  
people keep calling the ND-coded character i have a baby and i'm just sitting here like.

worth noting is that he's transmasculine as well, and this sort of thing has been used as a weapon against trans women.

i am very tired.

also: this character is a very serious character, i say, writing a riff on eggman's announcement with him.
percival is busy being queer as hell. he was also here.
Old Posted 07-11-2020, 11:48 AM Reply With Quote  
Default   #3366   Merskelly Metalien Merskelly Metalien is offline
Icy Footed
I had a weird dream about a Christmas party in which some unrecognizable friends of mine all get stoned and frickin' damaged my car's windshield
just so I couldn't take them home!
;_; I woke up worried about my car. My poor poor car. <x'D

((Sketch art by Voidbarker!))
Old Posted 07-11-2020, 02:44 PM Reply With Quote  
littl3chocobo littl3chocobo is offline
isn't that funny
Default   #3367  
i'm not old enough for my body to give out like it does ;x;
Old Posted 07-11-2020, 06:20 PM Reply With Quote  
Default   #3368   KittyBeary KittyBeary is offline
More More More Magic
Quote:
Originally Posted by Voidbarker View Post
ya, it felt awkward, esp since i still haven't done anything.
Ah, ok. XD That's fine!
Old Posted 07-11-2020, 11:04 PM Reply With Quote  
Kaderin Triste Kaderin Triste is offline
Truthwatcher
Default   #3369  
I keep forgetting how covid is affecting shipping of stuff, especially from smaller/independent sellers and buying things and then getting frustrated when they take forever to actually ship.
XP

Ex: Ordered a couple nail polish mystery bags from a seller on Etsy who has a lot of polishes that I like (I couldn't decide which ones to get first so mystery bags are a good way to go lol), and in the shipping info, it says "2-3 day processing" and "1-2 day shipping" so you can generally expect to get your order about a week maybe a week and a half after ordering.
It took mine a full week for the person to, as the tracking information tells me, print the shipping label. And since Saturday my tracking number still just says "shipment information sent to...." so I don't even know if it's actually been shipped yet and is just moving slowly (or maybe being quarantined prior to shipping? Is that a thing post offices are doing now? Idk, I don't keep up with packages are being dealt with) because of covid or not.

But it's actually not that big of a deal that it's delayed, I just keep getting frustrated because I forget about all the shipping delays and then order more stuff online (but legit just things that I can't get in store here because no one carries them....like holo nail polish and nail art supplies).
Project of the Week:
Merdragon Baby
Old Posted 07-15-2020, 02:52 PM Reply With Quote  
Default   #3370   Kaderin Triste Kaderin Triste is offline
Truthwatcher
Also... I'm facepalming at my coworker (and kinda myself tbh) today.
Because the governor here has mandated that masks are required at all times in indoor, plublic and work spaces and outdoors in gatherings of 50+ or for activities where social distancing isn't possible.
That bolded part of the outdoors statement? Yeah...my coworker didn't tell me that part, she just told me the "required outdoor" part so I was stupidly panicking about potentially dying on my 2 mile walk to work while wearing a mask in the summer heat. XD
But I read the full statement on break and yeah...I'll still be fine.
But I'm an idiot for immediately starting to panic before looking into it myself.
Project of the Week:
Merdragon Baby
Old Posted 07-15-2020, 05:30 PM Reply With Quote  
Merskelly Metalien Merskelly Metalien is offline
Icy Footed
Default   #3371  
random baby rant
(don't read if ya like babies)

((Sketch art by Voidbarker!))
Old Posted 07-15-2020, 06:34 PM Reply With Quote  
Default   #3372   Kaderin Triste Kaderin Triste is offline
Truthwatcher
Same. My babies have fur and scales.
XD
Project of the Week:
Merdragon Baby
Old Posted 07-15-2020, 08:37 PM Reply With Quote  
Voidbarker Voidbarker is offline
A*DIC*TED
Default   #3373  
tired.

i can't trust people in my own community for fear that they're an nb-skeptic / panphobe or acephobe or arophobe.

i am very tired of having to be borderline hypervigilant just because some pricks think that ace / pan people are jokes.
percival is busy being queer as hell. he was also here.
Old Posted 07-16-2020, 10:46 AM Reply With Quote  
Default   #3374   Kaderin Triste Kaderin Triste is offline
Truthwatcher
Me: *takes 4 days off of vacation time*
My boss: Oh, where are you going?

Um well....see there's this magical land I've heard tell of called....bed? I'm thinking I'll spend a few days there. Maybe all the days. We'll see.

I mean, my actual plans pretty much just are to sleep, maybe work on some crafts and, if my bike has been fully repainted and reassembled by that point, maybe go on a bike ride or two.
I just need some time off and some self-care.

Was gonna do a full week off, but we (might, corona situation permitting) have our art auction preview party the Friday of the week I'm taking part of my days off in and idk if they'll need me to help with it and we're pretty short-staffed so I didn't want to screw them over like that.

But also, why do people think that I would be going anywhere during this whole coronavirus situation and taking into account that I don't own a car?!? Lol
Project of the Week:
Merdragon Baby
Old Posted 07-16-2020, 12:26 PM Reply With Quote  
Kaderin Triste Kaderin Triste is offline
Truthwatcher
Default   #3375  
Guys, I almost died today.

Okay, that's a tad dramatic, but I did have a person turn the corner while I was attempting to cross the streer. And they just kept moving forward so I had to turn back and just let all the traffic go even though I had the walk sign and they were all turning so I, the pedestrian, had the right of way.
And the car did get pretty close to me. Closer than the required "social distancing" distance.
Project of the Week:
Merdragon Baby
Old Posted 07-17-2020, 08:47 PM Reply With Quote  
Default   #3376   trystan830 trystan830 is offline
Queen of Typoes
gah that sounds scary, Kaderin!



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Old Posted 07-17-2020, 09:23 PM Reply With Quote  
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