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Suzerain of Sheol Suzerain of Sheol is offline
Desolation Denizen
Default   #161  
Ah, alas, these are dark times, sir.

In other news, I do have a new poem, but I fear it will not translate to the forum format well.
Cold silence has a tendency
to atrophy any sense of compassion
between supposed lovers.
Between supposed brothers.
Old Posted 02-18-2012, 04:37 PM Reply With Quote  
Default   #162   Arsis_von_Neaera Arsis_von_Neaera is offline
THIS. IS. SPAR -shot- ... *gurgle*
I believe in you.
Maybe it's a condition, ever think of that? No, no you didn't. You never thought, "oh maybe he's sensitive about his invisible eyes." Maybe it's a skin condition.

"Maybe she was born with it..."
Old Posted 02-18-2012, 07:28 PM Reply With Quote  
Suzerain of Sheol Suzerain of Sheol is offline
Desolation Denizen
Default   #163  
I seem to have found the solution. All thanks to your unwavering faith in me. ;)



Is meant to be read in alphabetical order by columns, but you can always try it other ways too. :p

I'm strongly considering cutting the last W stanza, as I think the V stanza ends it much better.

Edit: I see errors already. X__X Oh, well, spotted them in time for class at least.
Cold silence has a tendency
to atrophy any sense of compassion
between supposed lovers.
Between supposed brothers.
Old Posted 02-18-2012, 08:08 PM Reply With Quote  
Default   #164   Suzerain of Sheol Suzerain of Sheol is offline
Desolation Denizen
Update, has a new shape...

Ignore my cursor near the bottom >_>

Cold silence has a tendency
to atrophy any sense of compassion
between supposed lovers.
Between supposed brothers.
Old Posted 02-21-2012, 01:36 AM Reply With Quote  
Suzerain of Sheol Suzerain of Sheol is offline
Desolation Denizen
Default   #165  
I'm not too proud of this one, just kind of wrote it on a whim. Was trying to play with sound a little bit. Blah.

Afternoon Apocalypse
Cold silence has a tendency
to atrophy any sense of compassion
between supposed lovers.
Between supposed brothers.
Old Posted 03-07-2012, 12:14 PM Reply With Quote  
Default   #166   Quiet Man Cometh Quiet Man Cometh is offline
We're all mad here.
I like that one actually :) (and nice job on the update. I like what you did with it. Seems very you. ;))

You have the aliteration down, what I would suggest it paying more attention to vowel sounds in between. These are my favourite lines here, soundwise:

"letting ourselves wait for an easier salvation
despite that we were helplessly drowning in
our own appetites, brazen starvation"

I like the long 'a' sounds in wait and salvation, brazen, and the rhyme -which surprised me- with 'starvation.' There are long 'i' sounds too with 'despite' and 'appetite.'

Not so fond of the last line, I guess because it feels more decorative rather than substanial. Overall I like it though. :). Go send it somewhere! :p
Old Posted 03-08-2012, 12:43 AM Reply With Quote  
Suzerain of Sheol Suzerain of Sheol is offline
Desolation Denizen
Default   #167  
I'm going to bring it class tomorrow and see what they think of it. May go work on it some more afterward, will take your comments under advisement. :)
Cold silence has a tendency
to atrophy any sense of compassion
between supposed lovers.
Between supposed brothers.
Old Posted 03-08-2012, 12:49 AM Reply With Quote  
Default   #168   Suzerain of Sheol Suzerain of Sheol is offline
Desolation Denizen
New one. The form looks different on the page, but this will work.

Astronomics
Cold silence has a tendency
to atrophy any sense of compassion
between supposed lovers.
Between supposed brothers.
Old Posted 03-16-2012, 11:14 PM Reply With Quote  
Suzerain of Sheol Suzerain of Sheol is offline
Desolation Denizen
Default   #169  
1 month later...

Perception Rejection
Cold silence has a tendency
to atrophy any sense of compassion
between supposed lovers.
Between supposed brothers.
Old Posted 04-19-2012, 04:55 PM Reply With Quote  
Default   #170   Quiet Man Cometh Quiet Man Cometh is offline
We're all mad here.
Playing with form again?

When my brain works out all those definitions I might have something more to say about it. Feels less like a poem and more of a concept playground.

:)
Old Posted 04-21-2012, 12:40 AM Reply With Quote  
Suzerain of Sheol Suzerain of Sheol is offline
Desolation Denizen
Default   #171  
*cringes at rusty writing gears*

Radiant Decisions

Cold silence has a tendency
to atrophy any sense of compassion
between supposed lovers.
Between supposed brothers.
Old Posted 05-29-2012, 07:52 PM Reply With Quote  
Default   #172   Suzerain of Sheol Suzerain of Sheol is offline
Desolation Denizen
So glad I'm keeping my one-poem-a-month quota *rolls eyes*

Possibly [M] on this one, just in case.

Subsistence, Post-Eschaton

Cold silence has a tendency
to atrophy any sense of compassion
between supposed lovers.
Between supposed brothers.
Old Posted 06-26-2012, 12:17 AM Reply With Quote  
Suzerain of Sheol Suzerain of Sheol is offline
Desolation Denizen
Default   #173  
I... don't even know what this is, but, my God, I'm not about to look a gift-muse in the mouth.

Someone tell me what this means.

Not of This World

Cold silence has a tendency
to atrophy any sense of compassion
between supposed lovers.
Between supposed brothers.
Old Posted 07-28-2012, 12:27 AM Reply With Quote  
Default   #174   Quiet Man Cometh Quiet Man Cometh is offline
We're all mad here.
Would you be dreadfully disappointed if I told it reminds me of another poem?

I'm not sure I know what that one was either.
Old Posted 08-11-2012, 09:09 AM Reply With Quote  
Rigel Rigel is offline
Lyricist
Default   #175  
Reading over your poetry = I'm in love with it all.
Afternoon Apocalypse made my heart swell.
 
 
 
 
Rigel's a star.

You can find me on:
ficpress + tumblr + last.fm




GROUP FOR WRITERS & BOOKWORMS
 
 
 
Old Posted 08-12-2012, 09:42 PM Reply With Quote  
Default   #176   Suzerain of Sheol Suzerain of Sheol is offline
Desolation Denizen
Wow, um, thank you!

I have to ask, though, what did you like about that one? I've always put in in my pile of "meh" poems, personally. :p
Cold silence has a tendency
to atrophy any sense of compassion
between supposed lovers.
Between supposed brothers.
Old Posted 08-12-2012, 09:47 PM Reply With Quote  
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