[CupcakeDolly]

This is a total tl;dr. You have been warned.

I've been talking to a friend for quite a while - I want to say maybe two or three years. We started off having a somewhat casual sexual relationship (as much as we could at a distance, anyway), and then continued just talking to each other when we both got involved in our own relationships.

We're both single now, but still live at a distance, and I've been talking to him a lot more. We've cammed a few times and send each other pics and stuff. By all means, it shouldn't be a huge deal. Thing is, I have issues with idolization. I think perhaps that since I've been alone, I've started to cling to the thought of being with this guy, and I've built him up in my mind. I think about him all. The time. And it drives me fucking crazy. It takes all the restraint that I have to try to be cool and to not constantly text or IM him.

Everyone I've talked to about it so far has said that I'm being an idiot, and that I need to stop talking to him, and cut off all communication with him completely. This is the part where I do the douchiest thing I could possibly do. This guy, since I've started talking to him again after my breakup, has told me all about how his friends are slowly abandoning him and refusing to talk to him, and how much it's been bothering him. I'd told him before that I would be there for him. Then last night, because I suddenly feel this urgent need to make these thoughts about him stop once and for all, I tell him that I don't think I can talk to him anymore.

He got pissed, of course, and he has every right to be. I screwed up and became one of those people who try to abandon him. Our conversation about it was never resolved, so for now I'm waiting for him to contact me, to see if he still wants to talk about it. I don't know what to do, though. I don't know if I can possibly do anything that will make both of us happy.

[Kasolyna]

I think the best thing you can do is explain why you thought it was best not to talk to him if he contacts you. He's probably feeling like there's something wrong with him if all these people are abandoning him. If you explain why, and if you do feel like it's driving you nuts it probably is best to at least take a break from each other, and help him understand that it doesn't have to do with him hopefully that should help him feel better and make the situation less sucky overall.

[Serra Britt]

Well, this is a pretty big thing it seems. It does remind me a lot of how I can be towards people too, I think I get obsessed maybe a little too easily. What I've done in situations like this is try to spend less and less time with the person, until being apart from them doesn't make me feel needy.

As for the problem at hand though...I'm not sure. It may not have been best to just up and tell him like you did but what's done is done. What you might have needed was time apart, but perhaps it wasn't adequately expressed to him? I don't know if you feel comfortable being the first to break the silence, but perhaps you have a way to show him it wasn't abandonment, but a break?

I wish I had more advice for you Dolly, I really do.

[CupcakeDolly]

Yeah, Serra, you and I tend to do the same thing when it comes to obsessing over people.

Well... I took the pussy route. I made this exact same thread in another forum, and I sent him a link to it. When he gets online next, he'll know exactly how I feel. I'm so nervous, I feel like my heart is going to stop...

[Serra Britt]

-hugs Dolly-

I'll hope for the best but you know where I am if you need to talk about the outcome.

[Batty]

Aha! Dolly feels like meeee!

Honestly? "Breaks" suck.They suck horribly. Even when you tell the person its not their fault? If they're anything like me, they're going to blame themselves anyway.

But in any case, Dolly, my love. You know my thoughts on this, I would think. You should tell him how you feel, most definitely. I know it can be hard, holy mother, can it be hard. And it sucks. And it makes you feel like your heart is going to explode and shatter, and tear peoples corneas out. But you, for one, will feel SO much better once those feelings come out. And him? If he doesn't feel the same way? Well, hell. You have me as a wife, I can cheer you right the hell up. And if friendship is too hard? Well, distance yourself for a little while, and see how that fairs. In any case, you've got me. I've got you. We can get through all of this shit together.

[CupcakeDolly]

Well... He's been online for a while. Either he didn't see the link, or he just doesn't want to talk to me. I don't know what I should do... I don't know if I should try to talk to him. And if I did, I have no idea what I should say... I feel like I'm going to die from anxiety...

[Serra Britt]

Not wanting to work things out may be why people are "abandoning" him, but I don't know the full details so I'll try to reserve judgement. I really do wish I could help out more but this might be something you'll just have to let go, if he can't come and try to work things out.

Maybe give it a week or so, and try to talk to him? It might be hard on you, but as was said before, maybe a break is a good thing for you, and maybe him too.

[CupcakeDolly]

Yeah, I sent him a long-ass text last night explaining everything to him and telling him that I'm sorry, and that I don't want to abandon him completely. Now I'm just going to wait and not say anything else. If he doesn't want to talk to me anymore, then I guess it's over.

[Fauxreal]

And you know what, if this doesn't work out, which I hope it does!, at least you can say that you were honest with him. You can say that you tries to talk to him.

If you believe there is nothing else really you can do ~ There is no need to suffer over it. I know you will, because I'm the same way - but from someone who does bad things at the wrong times - oh yah I totally do that unfortunately... The ball is in his court.

Maybe you can send him a letter(snail mail)? or an e-mail?

Explaining how you understood what he said, not to talk to him with these feeling in your heart. If he's like to amend that, I'm sure you'd be happy about it - let him know.

Men are simple creatures. Don't make any guess work for him. DON'T play around with words - just be straight foreword.

Good luck! and remember what happens - will happen.

[CupcakeDolly]

Ugh... so a few days ago, he messaged me saying that he wasn't mad, but he was hurt and wanted time to think, and that he would message me when he's ready to talk. It's been six days, and still no word from him. I'm in this weird state where I'm still anxiously waiting, but I don't really care to talk to him. I know that rejection is coming, and I'm not sure if I'll be able to handle it or not... But at the same time, I really just want my friend back.

[Serra Britt]

Well Dolly...if you need to vent you know I'll always talk to you when I'm available. I really do hope it works out the way that's best for you though...