[Bafflebox]

Hello~! :p

It hasn't been too long since I've decided to pick up my pen (or keyboard, in my case) and begin writing things. Story things. Like the ones you could actually purchase at a store -- or rather, that's the goal I like to keep. I've begun reading a book (a very interesting book called Worlds of Wonder - How to Write Science Fiction & Fantasy, by David Gerrold) and it has taught me so much so far. I've almost finished reading; but, that doesn't mean I'm all confidence now. Not at all, in fact, I'm actually very insecure about my writing. >.>;
That's why I'm gonna jump in head first and see what you people have to say about what little things I put out! It's no use expecting to become a better writer if I never receive critiques of any sort, so here goes.

This is only the first paragraph of what I might turn into a story, but I'd be afraid to actually promise something.

INDIGO

The woods called and she had decided. She set one foot in the tall strands, then another. Everybody in the village had forbade her to do what she was about to, but there she was - indulging her curiosity. As if mesmerized by the scenery, she looked around. She had not set two steps away from the outskirts of the village and already her surroundings seemed to change around her.

Thick bushes stood haphazardly in what looked like an endless sea of lush grass, surrounded by smaller bushes not unlike the foam around the rocks on a beach. Twilight began to set in and the orange sky made everything seem as if this were one of her very vivid dreams. Off in the distance, impressive mountains proudly displayed their peaks and large birds flew about them; she heard little other than the gentle breeze straddling the leaves.

The heat of the summer sun made all of the shrubbery around her smell sweet. A small walk back, in the grain fields near the village, she could here her friends laughing occasionally. A gust of wind made her hair tickle in her face. She took it as her cue to press on and muster all of her courage.

She couldn't turn back now, she had to know if it was real! Standing as tall as her small frame possibly could she stepped forward. Then, she took another. Filled with determination, she kept wading through the grassy fields until twilight had finally set in completely. The village elder had told her around the camp-fire, together with all her friends, about the realm with the indigo skies; she took another step, expectantly.
Step.

The air around her rippled abruptly and the sky's orange hue swiftly turned into a deep purple, completely dousing everything around her in it's luminosity and transforming the very landscape she had so suddenly become a part of. Like the waves caused by a pebble in a pond, the bushes coiled strangely around themselves, entire hills became dales, and when she looked back to see what was happening behind her she found a solid-looking, mossy cobblestone wall towering high over her. It seemed very out of place in a jungle like this. The sound of the rustling of leaves exchanged themselves for the distant chirping of crickets.

The air became heavy and she felt dizzy for a spell, but she couldn't care about such trivial things. She had found it, the land of magic was hers to explore!

Please let me know how you feel about it? Should I continue? If so, perhaps it's a nice idea to write it together, as in, I'll take your input and stuff. It might be good practice that way, too!

[DarkForbidden-Love]

I like it and I have only two negatives that don't really count because they are personal preference.

The first sentence did not draw me in. If I saw that as a beginning sentence in a book I'd probably skip to the center because it did not draw me in.

In the third paragraph, last couple of sentences, where really repetitive. It might be easier to say "She took one step after another." or "Her feet hit the ground in a repetitive motion, these where her first steps into the unknown."

And I think you should continue because so few people write good fantasy anymore and it seems rather promising.

[Bafflebox]

Hee, I could change the first sentence to something more compelling - it's true, I haven't really given the first line much thought; or I could hope that the center of the book would appeal to you enough for you persevere through the first paragraph -- but in any other setting, that would feel risky.

I'd love to continue this story, but to be honest, I didn't really have a premise in mind; I wrote this by taking inspiration from a picture of a small girl standing in a very lush looking rice-field, looking into the distance (an actual photograph - I had no idea there were such landscapes on our own little planet).
So, I'll need a little help, if I want to continue. Any thoughts? I was thinking there might be a character who might offer her help, but he turns out to be evil or something. But guide her into where? I haven't fleshed out the indigo world in my mind yet.

Thanks a bunch for your input! I really appreciate it ^-^

--EDIT--
I adjusted the paragraph to be a bit more descriptive and I also took your other suggestions. Does this make for a nicer read?

[DarkForbidden-Love]

It does make it much nicer. :)

And I'd love to help you out because it has such a great beginning.

The idea of having a companion who helps her is a good one, and having him turn out evil is a great plot twist. But what is the evil? Is it a dark type of magic, is there an evil group that he is part of, or is he a single person acting on his own that is evil?
The Indigo World seems to me as though it is done in the shade of purples, is this an incorrect image?
And since your character has appeared next to a wall it would make sense for her to be curious as to what is behind the wall. Perhaps this is where she meets the man who will help but is evil? Or maybe this is the place to which the man is leading her?

[Bafflebox]

Awesomecakes! And thank you so much~! <3
The evil~ Hm~
Perhaps there are two realms within the Indigo World, or more specifically a division among the Indigo people. I wouldn't like to restrict myself to having just two countries; not only because it sounds uninteresting, but it also sounds very unrealistic.

As for the world itself, I imagined it to be lit as if there were a purple light shining over everything - you know, perpetual twilight, rather than the world itself actually being all purple. Perhaps the purple hue of the sky is affected by the magical alignment chosen by the majority of the inhabitants or whatnot; the character approaching the girl, I think, should be a non-humanoid creature. Not that it should become a fable, but very fantastic, still. :)

It's magical in itself that she has stepped into the Indigo World, so perhaps her presence is simply noticed by creatures in the vicinity - that would also explain any creatures in the vicinity, save for that trickster. Her hanging out with a widely known trickster would immediately affirm to the locals that she's bad news, as people all over the world will assume when something new appears. :)

The wall, I think, should serve as a blockade for her to travel back on a whim. You know, "One does not simply walk into Mordor," and all that fun stuff~! So, I think the creature seeks her out after having sensed her magical presense. Or something. I don't know, does this even sound like anything plausible at all?

[DarkForbidden-Love]

The Indigo world is already a realm within itself so dividing a sub-realm into another sub-realm would be confusing to many people. But the division is plausable. And now you've brought up countries which brings up the geography of Indigo, is it similar to the Earth realm from where the girl came from? Whatever Indigo looks like you might want to create a map fo rit so you can use it as a reference.

An explanation would probably be liked for the perpetual twilight. If you were to use it as you suggested, because of the magical alignment of the creatures, it would almost be imediatly assumed that most of the creatures are 'dark' or 'evil'. Not nessisary because they are but because twilight is assumed to be a cursed hour. Did that make any sense?

Personly, I'd recommend having the purple sky to be caused by pollution of some sort. Keeping with the magical theme it would be a magical pollution, what is left over once the magic has been said and done.

I've got a few ideas for the creature that has a slightly humanoid appearance: person had two large bat-like wings, slight fangs, and fur covering his entire body, but his legs are feather covered and the upper torso had scaled that stopping just before the neck.
A serpentine like creature with feathers around the mid back. Humanoid face that has no eyes but a lot of corse grey hair. The mouth would be small and roundish, so that whenthe creature speaks the voice has a raspy quality to it.
But since it is your story you can just ignore them.

And the people assuming she is bad new because fo the trickster is a very good idea. The wall idea is very good but it needs a bit more fleshing out because if it just a wall one could climb over it. Perhaps the wall is just an illusion created as an after effect of a very powerful piece of sealing magic? The wall was created to keep the creatures in and people out but the side the girl came from weakened enough to admit her. Possibly that side of the gate is now feeding off of her to keep itself active because people on her side of the gate don't have magic like Indigo has magic. The gate feeds off of the realm's magic and so the sudden increase of magic surrounding the gate owuld be a point of interest to all the creatures of Indigo.

[Bafflebox]

Hey~ Just letting you know, I'm working on a proper response. I'm doing some homework on foreign ecology and everything; also, I've caught a bit of a cold which - probably because of the fatigue it brings - really impairs my ability to come up with ideas other than "Okay, brown. It's.. it's brown." *staring at a pink pencil*

So yeah, I thought I should let you know. :)
Working on it. Just work is slow.

[DarkForbidden-Love]

Colds are a pain. I don't mind the large time space for a responce, just focaus on getting better.

Besides slow work is better then rushed work. ;)