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DarkForbidden-Love DarkForbidden-Love is offline
Person, what Person?
Default   #33  
In right now? Only a few. I have my hand, the one on the front page, and another. I can get more in a few minutes, why?
Puppy to Asami
Gallagher is Nursy~
Broken Muse is my girlfriend
And Ducky is awesome!

Quote:
That is the general nature of things! An equality, a mutal need!

What? To kill and be killed? To love and to feed? That is what you support! There is no equality between the pet and the master.
-Elizabeth & Jason (From The Thirteenth Season)
Old Posted 11-19-2011, 06:05 PM Reply With Quote  
Default   #34   Espy Espy is offline
Wanderer
Nah, nothing. Was wondering if I should critique.
STONEWALL WAS A RIOT

Old Posted 11-19-2011, 06:11 PM Reply With Quote  
DarkForbidden-Love DarkForbidden-Love is offline
Person, what Person?
Default   #35  
I actually have on I'm doing for Miz would you like to critque that for me?
Puppy to Asami
Gallagher is Nursy~
Broken Muse is my girlfriend
And Ducky is awesome!

Quote:
That is the general nature of things! An equality, a mutal need!

What? To kill and be killed? To love and to feed? That is what you support! There is no equality between the pet and the master.
-Elizabeth & Jason (From The Thirteenth Season)
Old Posted 11-19-2011, 06:14 PM Reply With Quote  
Default   #36   Espy Espy is offline
Wanderer
I'll see to the sample you already have, first.

-would redline if tablet was usable, but it isn't-
STONEWALL WAS A RIOT

Old Posted 11-19-2011, 06:16 PM Reply With Quote  
DarkForbidden-Love DarkForbidden-Love is offline
Person, what Person?
Default   #37  
Great, now let me find my pic so I can edit it with your suggestions.
Puppy to Asami
Gallagher is Nursy~
Broken Muse is my girlfriend
And Ducky is awesome!

Quote:
That is the general nature of things! An equality, a mutal need!

What? To kill and be killed? To love and to feed? That is what you support! There is no equality between the pet and the master.
-Elizabeth & Jason (From The Thirteenth Season)
Old Posted 11-19-2011, 06:19 PM Reply With Quote  
Default   #38   Espy Espy is offline
Wanderer
this one.

Sorry if I'm harsh with my critiques >__<

1.) The neck has to be thicker. I draw necks roughly the width of real-life, but my style is more realistic. Yours isn't, but the neck should still span from the middle of one eye to the middle of the other.

2.) Shoulders should be slanted down a bit more. Hers go our almost horizontally; lower then a few degrees (they seem really stiff right now).

3.) The torso is way too skinny. At the very least, the body should be as wide as the head (even then, it'd still be thin, even in terms of manga).

4.) Hips should be around the width of the shoulders. This might be a bit difficult; I'll explain this later.

5.) Head anatomy. Ok, first. She needs a chin. And chins aren't that pointy, no matter what Americanized manga tutorials say. (I really screwed myself over reading those in fifth grade.) It should be a bit rounder. And if you have a chin, that means the mouth will be slighter higher up. I won't critique the nose right now because that's pretty hard. Eyes should also be higher up, same with the nose. I also get the feeling the wings are hiding a sharp corner in the face outline. Don't do iiiiiiit. Human anatomy has no sharp corners. Lastly (before this becomes a wall of text), her hair looks tied back. That means we should definitely be able to see her ears. If there're sidebangs over her ears, they should surround the face and be visible.

---

Ok, so with the separate points done...I said I'd get back to the hips. That issues relates directly to the problem with the shoulders and torso.

The shoulders look like they're sitting on her breasts. Like I said, they should slope down a bit. They also shouldn't be that far from the torso, but that's easily remedied by making the torso wider, as I mentioned. Should be at least the width of the head, but a bit thinner is fine for now. The chest area then wouldn't be much wider than the rest of the torso, or it'd seem strange. The hips are around shoulder-width, but for your style, make sure they're between torso- and shoulder-width. Elbows are at waist level, and the bone should be clearly set apart from the arm, jutting out and a bit sharp.

I think that's it for now; looking forward to your next drawing XD
STONEWALL WAS A RIOT

Old Posted 11-19-2011, 06:49 PM Reply With Quote  
littl3chocobo littl3chocobo is offline
isn't that funny
Default   #39  
>v> espy should crit my art too....
Old Posted 11-19-2011, 07:01 PM Reply With Quote  
Default   #40   Espy Espy is offline
Wanderer
But yours is basically anatomically correct, Choco >.>
STONEWALL WAS A RIOT

Old Posted 11-19-2011, 07:01 PM Reply With Quote  
DarkForbidden-Love DarkForbidden-Love is offline
Person, what Person?
Default   #41  
Thanks Espy, and don't worry about sounding harsh. Critque is critque you can't make it sound nice. And the thing with ears is I can't draw them. O.o at all, they are worse then my pathetic little hands.

And well obviously this picture wil have the same problems as this one because they were drawn at the same time. :D I'll get to fixing that but for now you can look at the original. Also I am aware that the wings aren;t right I'll fix that with the other stuff you mentioned.
Puppy to Asami
Gallagher is Nursy~
Broken Muse is my girlfriend
And Ducky is awesome!

Quote:
That is the general nature of things! An equality, a mutal need!

What? To kill and be killed? To love and to feed? That is what you support! There is no equality between the pet and the master.
-Elizabeth & Jason (From The Thirteenth Season)
Last edited by DarkForbidden-Love; 11-19-2011 at 07:06 PM.
Old Posted 11-19-2011, 07:02 PM Reply With Quote  
Default   #42   littl3chocobo littl3chocobo is offline
isn't that funny
but if there is anything to fix it'd be nice to know, please?
Old Posted 11-19-2011, 07:04 PM Reply With Quote  
Espy Espy is offline
Wanderer
Default   #43  
-cusses- I pressed ctrl+w instead of shift+w, and my comment-in-progress poofed...gimme a bit.
STONEWALL WAS A RIOT

Old Posted 11-19-2011, 07:08 PM Reply With Quote  
Default   #44   DarkForbidden-Love DarkForbidden-Love is offline
Person, what Person?
You have all the time you need, Espy. I'm redrawing parts of both this piece, my example, and rping with Choco. And let us not forget Angel's piece I'm doing right now.
Puppy to Asami
Gallagher is Nursy~
Broken Muse is my girlfriend
And Ducky is awesome!

Quote:
That is the general nature of things! An equality, a mutal need!

What? To kill and be killed? To love and to feed? That is what you support! There is no equality between the pet and the master.
-Elizabeth & Jason (From The Thirteenth Season)
Old Posted 11-19-2011, 07:13 PM Reply With Quote  
Espy Espy is offline
Wanderer
Default   #45  
Ok. So. -twitches at the deleted-ness-

Fingers and fingertips will go way past crotch-level. Just throwing that out there...

Waist and hip transition isn't too bad, just has to be wider (also looks slightly crooked?)

Take a look at your wrist. There's a bone that looks like it juts out. It actually is in line with the rest of your arm; it's your hand that's offset by quite a bit.

Middle of upper arm, and the lower part of the lower arm: They should be thinner. Take another look at your lower arm. the outside and inside actually form S-shapes...sort of like the integral sign in calculus... /shot for math reference

From the front, the elbows are actually wider than the rest of the arm.
STONEWALL WAS A RIOT

Old Posted 11-19-2011, 07:13 PM Reply With Quote  
Default   #46   DarkForbidden-Love DarkForbidden-Love is offline
Person, what Person?
*loves on Espy for math reference* And now to rebuild. :D

And the reason it looks crooked (Is refering to hip/waist transition) it because of those lines on her skin, makes an almost optical allusion type of thing.

And how bad is it that I'm completely loving how you tear apart my art? I should be hating you for it or something but instead I'm sitting here excited to hear you say what I did wrong.
Puppy to Asami
Gallagher is Nursy~
Broken Muse is my girlfriend
And Ducky is awesome!

Quote:
That is the general nature of things! An equality, a mutal need!

What? To kill and be killed? To love and to feed? That is what you support! There is no equality between the pet and the master.
-Elizabeth & Jason (From The Thirteenth Season)
Old Posted 11-19-2011, 07:20 PM Reply With Quote  
Espy Espy is offline
Wanderer
Default   #47  
Didn't mean to tear it apart >__<

Well, I'm just really blunt sometimes. But I'm glad you like (?) it, sort of...had my share of douches going "IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, THEN DON'T SAY ANYTHING!"

Goddamn, it's not that I don't like it. Grow up and learn to accept critiques and criticism, jeez.

/not impressed.

But seriously, I might be overly...yeah...sometimes. Haha...
STONEWALL WAS A RIOT

Old Posted 11-19-2011, 07:28 PM Reply With Quote  
Default   #48   littl3chocobo littl3chocobo is offline
isn't that funny
i find it exciting too
Old Posted 11-19-2011, 07:31 PM Reply With Quote  
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