[Kory]

Originally Posted by Den

I usually opt for the veggie delight or the meatball marinara. Though I will say, their breakfast flatbreads are pretty good.

I used to like the veggie delight...
It was basically the only thing I could eat at Subway for a while since I'm vegetarian.

I heard that the veggies only ship once a week, so some of the veggie aren't as fresh as they are the day they arrive. :/
I stopped eating it lul.

I heard that some Subways here in Cali are introducing "beyond meat" meatball marinara. Which is cool because when I did eat meat, the meatball marinara was one of my favorites.

edit; My daily awful... I don't think this counts as 'awful', but my therapist inspired me yesterday. She told me it's likely hard for me to make friends IRL because I close myself off to those who've proven that they care and that they're worthy of being my friend..
I'm a TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE friend.. but not because I want to be. It's due to my mental illness and I never told anyone about it. Not IRL, anyway. Only my parents and my care team.
But I told my therapist that I would call my one and only 'true' friend up this week and tell her that I'm diagnosed with schizophrenia. It's scary to even type that word here, but I guess it's just a part of learning to accept it and not be afraid that people will judge or hate me for ir

[Biomecha]

I used to eat Beyond Meat products, but they changed their recipe and I haven't liked the new version all that much.

[Den]

*offers hugs and tea to Ava* If it helps any, you've got us.

[Kory]

*hugs all the friends here*

I was surprisingly brave enough that I did call my friend and I told her about my diagnosis. She was extremely understanding and supportive and I feel like I don't deserve her...

Daily Awful....

I was going to go into detail about what's been happening.
But what really boils down to....
I saw the doctor today... They said I might be pregnant.

[Espy]

-shrug- I know a lot of people with mental illnesses, including the schizophrenia and psychosis spectrums, BPD, GAD, MDD, bipolar... I’m not gonna ditch someone just because their brain’s wired a little differently than what people deem to be “normal”. Hells, I’ve got some serious issues of my own.

[Stabbsworth]

i have a few friends / acquaintances that are mentally ill / wired up differently. fairly certain i may have adhd / autism, myself, partly because i, uh. relate to posts made on the topic and with the whole RSD thing.

it'd be rude to ditch someone.

[Kory]

I knew that my friend would not ditch me... I was just worried. I guess that's what anxiety does, right? Makes you think of all the worst possible outcomes no matter how unlikely they are...

She is the first person IRL that I've ever told. And I nearly cried on the phone because she was so kind and understanding. And I feel like I don't deserve her. I know I'm a shitty friend, but she still supports me and still cares about me even though I am not reliable in the slightest and sometimes I isolate myself when things get hard... And I think that also kinda ties in with my fear of people knowing that I'm diagnosed with schizophrenia.

I don't know why I know why it took me so long to tell her that I have schizophrenia. I was scared she'd think I am crazy and would stop talking to me...
But every single time I have been hospitalized for mental health, she would call me every day to check on me. She never knew (or at least, I never told her) why I was in the hospital, but she never asked. It felt really relieving to finally tell her the reason..

Today's awful;
I couldn't tell my fwb about my doctor's appointment and now he's angry at me because he can tell something is wrong but I refuse to tell him.
And honestly? fuck him. I didn't tell him how the appointment went because I thought he'd be mad at me... but he's mad at me now for not telling him. And I'm really ,really sick of this shit he pulls. When he wants "sexy time" it's always, "Oh, Ava. You're so beautiful. You deserve to be treated well. I'm going to take you on a trip, just you and me and we'll have sex all the time"... but when I'm actually struggling, he's like, "... sorry you're struggling. Btw, are you DTF this weekend?" or some shit like, "You're feeling better? Okay cool. Can't wait for you to suck my-"

Just stupid shit like that... And I'm already really stressed out from all the shit that happened last month and I really don't feel like dealing with him anymore...
It's times like these where I feel like I might actually tell him I'm done

[Death by Mirrors]

Good, good. That's called making progress.
There's still a window with his name on it.

[Coda]

Nnnnngh, the last couple weeks have sucked.

Sure, on a day-to-day basis it hasn't been that bad (the panic attack I mentioned a while back notwithstanding), but between taking care of my son (out of school for a week due to pneumonia) and my wife (caught the same infection), trying to prepare for my wife going out of town for a week (BlizzCon), and poor sleep (due to stress-induced insomnia and not having my wife here to sleep beside) I've fallen massively behind on work.

And it's not just any work. It's a massive project with a due date on November 15th, one that I'm responsible for as project manager and lead developer. And it's HARD. Like. REALLY hard. If you know your computational complexity theory (which I know a few of you around here at least have an inkling about it), it would have been an NP-complete problem already even without the additional constraints put on it, just to make it even harder.

I don't deal with this level of stress well. I need SOME stress to function correctly. I'm the kind of person that thrives under pressure... but this goes past critical mass. My subconscious is actively trying to subvert me. I'm feeling compulsions to go do ANYTHING but try to focus on work. (My Minecraft world has made a lot of progress! ... yeah...)

Ugh, this sucks.

[Espy]

dude you’re not a shitty friend
that’s just what your brain blargh wants you to think
fun fact, it’s wrong

also say the word and i’ll punt the fucker out the fucking window

Daily awful: don’t mix liquor w hot beverages. i should have learned my lesson yesterday bu apparently i didn’t and here i am, typing everything three times over bc i no longer have fine motor skills

[Death by Mirrors]

Halloween is barely over, Espy. Save the mulled wine and Christmas punsch for December. :P

[bluebird]

PHLEGM

[Den]

Ava, you need to cut ties with the fwb. he is not good for your health, mental or otherwise.

[Kory]

Originally Posted by Espy

dude you’re not a shitty friend
that’s just what your brain blargh wants you to think
fun fact, it’s wrong

also say the word and i’ll punt the fucker out the fucking window

I could be *better*, though. :(
My friend was very understanding, though. So I'm feeling a little better.
I want friendships and relationships IRL, but I've got to learn to communicate better, I think.

Originally Posted by Death by Mirrors

Halloween is barely over, Espy. Save the mulled wine and Christmas punsch for December. :P

Mulled wine sounds good!
I like spiced apple cider in the winter. I haven't had a good apple cider in a while. Not since I've moved here to California. In Minnesota, every fall my family would go to to apple orchard and pick our own apples and buy fresh apple cider. <3
In the fall, there was this really lovely local bakery that made homemade pumpkin butter and pumpkin bread. ;-; It was so good! I miss it very much!

Originally Posted by bluebird

PHLEGM

Eeee! I hope it goes away soon!

[Kory]

Originally Posted by Den

Ava, you need to cut ties with the fwb. he is not good for your health, mental or otherwise.

I thought I added this post to the multi-quote, but I guess I missed it?

I've been kinda-sorta ignoring his texts.
I read them and tell myself I won't respond.... But then a couple hours pass and I respond.

I'm feeling super dumb.
And my pregnancy rest results never showed up in my patient portal, so tomorrow I'm going to go to the pharmacy and pick up an at-home test to put my mind at ease.

[bluebird]

sometimes...u just gotta have 5 minute apeshit breakdown in the cubicle bathroom and then tidy urself up like nothing happened