[Potironette]

Shy or introverted? I get there's a difference, but I'm not really sure what it is.

Introversion, I think, is defined as getting some sort of energy from being alone.

Shyness is...fear of being judged?

I don't really know if I'm shy or introverted or both. I can't tell if I get my energy from being alone because I'm pretty much never with other people.
I'm never with other people because I'm scared of being with other people.
I'm scared of other people because I fear that...other people will eventually hate me? I don't even know if I really think that. I just freeze up around others because I don't really know how people interact with one another. I don't think I've had a proper social interaction with anyone for years.
When I'm alone I sort of entertain myself with daydreams, games, and sleeping. Sometimes people ask me if I'm lonely. I don't remember how it feels to not feel lonely.
I constantly run away from people online because I don't know how to interact with them anymore. Heck, I keep running away from Trisphee then berating myself and returning.

I stalled for a while clicking on the tabs of this site before ranting :/
Heh, I must be at that age where people are trying to figure themselves out.

...Anyway, how do you know the difference between a shy and introverted qualities of a person...?

[Suzerain of Sheol]

I can't speak for anyone but myself, but I notice the energy thing much more in reverse. I'm so acclimated to being alone that being around other people physically fatigues and exhausts me very quickly, proportional to how loud/energetic they are and how many people I'm dealing with. Especially in situations like parties where multiple people are trying to talk to me at the same time, I become completely overwhelmed and pretty much have to retreat to go lie down in the dark alone. If it's bad enough, I won't get out of bed at all the next day or two.

That said, though, I don't think I'm shy. I used to be when I was younger, but now I don't experience any particular anxiety talking to people (which is weird cause I get anxiety from pretty much anything else) so much as, after a while in a conversation, it starts to become very stressful on my mind to maintain that social personality for the benefit of the other person. It is very rare that I ever want to be talking to someone face-to-face, any kind of small-talk just irritates my brain and I hate being asked personal things in the name of "catching up".

As to whether it's a bad thing or not, I could certainly live without the stress or exhaustion, but I don't think those symptoms are the norm for introverts, at least not to the extent I get them. Otherwise, it's tautological, being introverted feels comfortable to me because I'm an introvert.

Another thing about shyness, though, I think being severely ill and hospitalized for a year did a lot to "cure" me of that. Losing all sense of dignity and having to effectively communicate to get even your most basic needs seen to doesn't leave a whole lot of room for being shy. Definitely not something I would recommend to anyone, though.

I don't know how much that really answers your question, but that's my perspective at least. (Ironically, I think I'm the most shy when it comes to actually posting in public threads on Trisphee lol)

[Potironette]

The energy thing kind of confuses me because, well, being alone doesn't really fatigue or energize me. And being with other people...I don't really do that. I guess I kind of blend in with the background all the time? Heh, my interaction with people is limited to the point I don't even know what small talk is.

Mmm I think I'm starting to stabilize my definition of shyness as fear of losing face.

I dunno if I run away from people because I'm shy, introverted, or something else :/

Err, sometimes I get into weird moods swings and hate who I am. I think this thread was started because of that.

[Quiet Man Cometh]

If I were to differentiate the two, I'd say that shyness is more of a social thing, while introversion is more related to natural personality. My niece for example, is very shy with meeting new people (she's almost 5) but is very outgoing and personable once she gets to know them. I'm naturally an introvert and painfully shy at times, but that shyness will vary depending on situation while the introversion will not. Being social is also something of a skill that benefits from practice. I am so much better with phone calls and talking to people about small things since I worked in retail and customer service.

Here's a comic I like that I think explains the energy thing really well. I call my own hamster ball my "shield" and it's pretty strong. It's gotten pretty small now, and I can stand comfortable close to people (think public events or crowds) but unexpected touch (even expected touch) can still weird me out, and over time my shield will disintegrate and I need to go chill out somewhere to build it back up again.

I'm quite introverted, as I said, and do find crowds and social situations and even loud noises to be very draining to put up with, and my family is well used to my habits of taking off from a party to go lie down and "recharge" for a while here and there.

I think I can understand the lonely thing, too, though I also have depression, so that will compound things. I think it's quite easy to live with negative feelings for so long that they become one's normal state of mind. My being shy and introverted can cause problems as I think I naturally like being social now and then, yet I find it hard to do unless I've known someone for a long time, and getting to know someone for a long time is not easy when being an introvert.

[Espy]

Well, you know what shyness is. I was shy as a kid. I'm usually not, now.

I like explaining the difference between introverted and extroverted with the energy thing. I'll try to phrase it in a more understandable way.

Sure, everyone eventually wants to take a break from being around other people, but introverts will actually feel a need to take a break and recharge. It doesn't have to be a large group -- even being two or three other people can start to feel taxing after a short while.

In my case, I experience it as sensory overload and extreme irritability, but that might also be a product of depression + anxiety + ADHD. I enjoy parties, but only for a couple hours at a time. I've had friends asking me if I was okay when I went upstairs to sit alone for a bit at a party where there were quite a few people and many that I didn't personally know. I had to go upstairs because I couldn't hear myself think.

And of course sitting by yourself for too long can make you feel lonely, but introverts basically recharge their batteries by just doing their thing, by themselves, for some time. Being left alone means you can think freely, without having to worry about other people, their thoughts, and what they take offense to.

I can't really speak for extroverts, but from what I know, being alone is taxing. It feels too confining, and they need to take a break by going out and being around people.

EDIT: I should mention that I see shyness as, needing more time than "average" to open up to people. You can be extroverted and shy.

[Quiet Man Cometh]

If you're interested in some of the potential physiology behind this stuff, go look into amplifying/inhibiting senses. I find it quite interesting. In a nutshell, amplifiers have brains that increase their sensory input, while inhibitors will experience a decrease in sensory input.

Consider being in an otherwise quiet room with an electronic thing turned on somewhere, like a TV, but no show is playing. You ever hear that annoying little whine that running electronics make? Some people can, some people can't, depending on what their brain does to the sound as it's coming in. The same can go for colour, excitement, etc. Adrenaline junkies tend to have inhibiting brains, so it takes more excitement to get the same rush an amplifier might have with a book or movie.

[Potironette]

Hrm, I identify as an introvert but never completely. I don't identify as an extrovert. I haven't been in a draining situation for a long time. I think I understand the idea of energy a bit better though. Thanks!

I'm googling "amplifying and inhibiting brains" right now.

[Coda]

Those on the most extraverted end of the spectrum actually NEED interaction with people to keep their energy levels up, and being isolated alone or with a small group of people for extended periods of time is draining for them. They get cabin fever easily. Being able to get out and move around helps even if there aren't people there.

[Espy]

Quiet -- Hm, I'll look into it. I've only started having sensory overload issues in the past year. I first noticed it when I started having an anxiety attack after a club meeting. Never happened before, but I was suddenly aware of the noise, how many people were /talking/ and everyone being loud to hear each other, that there were /a lot of people/... I practically ran out of the room and my friends (who also have mental blah) were pretty concerned.

Think it might be my ADHD being exacerbated by anxiety. Ugh.

In college, people sometimes think I'm an extrovert. That's probably on account of my being relatively outgoing, at least compared to my pre-high-school self. We had mandatory community service in high school, and I learned how to talk to people I didn't know, and that got me a bit more over my fear of talking to strangers and people older than me. And I also developed a habit of helping others to the extent that I put others before me...that led to some shitty stuff, my fault, but a completely different story.

So, yeah, I can be considered "not shy", but that's because I have a compulsion to help other people, and I've learned how to interact with others a bit better.

I can understand but can't really imagine needing to be around people to keep energy levels up. ...I think I'd run out of spoons really quickly. I can chat online with a friend for hours on end, or hang out with them for half a day, but I'll still feel exhausted and out of it afterwards. And it's a lot worse for people I'm not too familiar with.

But I happen to need to balance my social interactions and alone time, because if I sit and think for too many days on end, depression likes to come knocking.

....wow, that was...rambly.

[Coda]

Espy... You sound a lot like me. ^^()

If you want to read up on more information or look for some self-help material, the "compulsion to help other people" is called "codependency." I know because I deal with it myself. It doesn't even feel like a compulsion; it just feels like being nice... and then I notice that I'm behind on everything and I'm all stressed out.

You're right about the sensory overload thing being a combination of ADHD and anxiety, because that's exactly what I'M dealing with, too. My in-laws are in town and they like to have the TV on all the time (and my father-in-law refuses to wear his hearing aids so the volume is turned up) and I've had to stay in my office room basically the whole time because if I walk out into the living room I feel like I'm going to have an anxiety attack. I've always had moments where I get overloaded if things are too noisy and chaotic for too long, but it's only been in the last three years that my tolerance threshold has gotten so sensitive.

I'm also like you in how I'm an introvert that's been trained to be outgoing in social situations.

[Fulkth]

Hmm, well that's a complicated question.

I think there is a difference between being shy and introverted.

For example, my husband is an introvert, but he is not shy. He can hold conversations no problem. But he prefers to spending time by himself. That's how he recharges.

I on the other hand, am an extrovert, but socially awkward. I get my energy from being around other people. I like talking. And in order to talk, you have to have other people around to talk and listen to. My only problem is that when I do talk it either tends to be boring talk (not engaging to the listener) or I say dumb things (insert foot in mouth).

For example, my aunt (by marriage) was lamenting about how she wasn't thin like her sister. So I told her that she just did not inherit the skinny genes. (This coming from a person who also did not inherit the skinny genes in the family). I got the impression that she did not like my answer. But in the end my mom smoothed out the conversation.

[Potironette]

I think I'm starting to understand much better! Although, the feeling of needing to be with people and the feeling of needing alone time to recharge has never occurred to me, as far as I can tell.
I love crowds and noise, but interacting with individuals freaks me out.

[Coda]

Well, like most things, it's not a simple binary "you're this or you're that." Most people can be classified as more of one than the other, but when it comes down to it the various traits are independent (just more commonly found together) and anyone can be anything.

[Tiva]

Scale of Introverison
Highly: You don't want to be around people, actively avoid texting or calling people, and when you are you get tired of the situation very quickly. Typically goes in hand with Social Anxiety
Moderate: You don't seek out people often, and if you do it is a small group of friends for a planned activity. Depending on how many people there are and your comfort level you can be fine for several hours before beginning to get snappy and tired. (I am this one….)
Lowest: You don't mind people but you don't actively seek them out. Being invited to gatherings doesn't both you but too many in a week tends to leave you frazzled.

Note there are exceptions to the rules, like my ex fiancee never drained me socially and many of my friends it take a good 3 days of constant interaction before I get tired of them. Roommates though…. God they drain the crap out of me, get out of my personal space and let me sleep.

[Potironette]

Heh, sometimes I think I just don't know how to interact with people at all, then I run because I run out of ideas on how to respond. I dunno if it's due to introversion or some problem. =~='

[Quiet Man Cometh]

Spoon theory!
(not really related save Espy's comment)

On a slightly related note, I happened to do one of those silly "what is your brain like?"quizzes online (Is your brain more Star Wars or Star Trek?, specifically. It was Star Wars) and in the little blurb analysis it was claimed that while I consider myself an introvert, I actually get most enjoyment out of extroverted tendencies, like exploring an such, and overall getting a lot of input from my environment.

I do find social interaction to be draining, but I also enjoy going out and about by myself, doing things, etc, and I do find I can get lonely at those times. I'm bookish, but I still like a good roller coaster. ;)