[Lauv Keiko]

Why my sister and I need feminism. (November 18, 2013)


** Here’s where I start. “Why my sister and I need feminism.” This will start with a short story. Monologues/dialogues will be bolded and emphasis will be bolded and italicized. **

Today, I went to a job interview for a full-time job at daytime with my older brother and a cousin. My mom along with my sister (who’s 25 years old, diagnosed with seizure disorder, a slow-learner, and a chubby, long-haired, cutie) went to the doctor’s office to have another annual check-up because, well, she has a seizure disorder that needs to be monitored. As for me, I went home, talked to the boyfriend, and slept. While my mom and sister went to my mom’s office (mom works as a Clinical Instructor) to pass the time and wait for my dad to pick them up.

Okay, so my dad picked them up; and while my mom was finishing up some paperwork, dad sat on one of the couches in the office for the visitors. My sister was just hanging around, being friendly to my mom’s co-workers and their elementary level kids.

They got home while I was preparing dinner (I was alone, no one had to do it, older brother went jogging/running). When I was done cooking, I set the table and called them from the living room to the kitchen/dining room. Like a normal family, we enjoyed the food. As my sister was half-way done with her plate, my dad turned to her and said this, “Don’t get mad at me for saying this, but…you really need to lose A LOT of weight. I was looking at you earlier in the office, wearing what seemed to be a horrible apparel of a pair of leggings, a shirt that looked somewhat tight around you…it was awful. God, you really looked awfully fat and you wore an awful get-up. You have to lose weight.” I sat there, listening to him saying that to my older sister as she finished her food. I saw her facial expression changed. That’s it, the paternal figure has ruined my sister’s wonderful day. I knew it was wonderful because of how she told me about it, she laughed and smiled while she talked and told me things in detail. That’s how she is when she’s excited about things, she talks; and I let her talk and I listen and respond. So my sister carefully placed her utensils in the sink and walked to the living room to cool down.

A few minutes later, the paternal figure called out to her to do the dishes, as I was already preparing for my class on skype with a student. He went inside and told her, “The kitchen’s ready.” and my sister answers back with much resentment and silent aggression, “I know.” And with that, the father figure snapped and followed my sister to the kitchen and started telling her off because of how she answered back at him. (added info: I’m asian, we run an asian household. Even if you’re 45, you’re not allowed to snap at your parents like that). The paternal figure was saying he was right, that my sister really was getting awfully fat and it didn’t look “good” or “nice” at all and that her sense of fashion is so terrible that it’s reprehensible. That her retorting to him was uncalled for and not needed because she was the offspring and he was the parent. All these yelling and scolding happened while I was in my room (room is close to the kitchen/dining room) preparing my class. I couldn’t say anything, it was almost 3 minutes until my class started. Then I heard it die down, my sister went on to wash the dishes while my dad, being comforted by my mom, went inside to watch TV and check his facebook.

Now, when my sister was done, she went to the room and vented to me. I did call her out on the snapping, she could’ve just ignored him and things didn’t have to escalate. Then I explained how she has to accept that the father figure is a douche bag and a shallow jerk, and I told her to not change whatever makes her feel comfortable. My sister calmed down a bit. My brother came in to the room and asked what we were discussing about, explained to him, and then said to my sister, “Eeeh, it’s gonna be okay. You know how dad is… a shallow jerk.” That made my sister totally calm.

+++

Now, why do we need feminism? Simple. To be respected for who we are and what we’re comfortable with.

As time passed, from when I was old enough to understand that individuality is important in one’s self-esteem, I realized how shallow my father is…until now. His idea of a woman/lady/girl is that, they should be ultra-feminine, slim or sexy, fashionable, graceful, and sweet…and ALSO, the female has to do the cooking, washing, cleaning, ironing…all shit that’s labelled for a girl since the renaissance time. He is a representative of the general crowd that wants a woman to be like that, all things aforementioned.

The father figure has spawned one male and three females (two are twins). The twin who doesn’t have a seizure disorder fits his description of a lady and that’s why he favors her more than me and my sister. Why? because my sister and I do not fit his description of a “female”. Honestly speaking, I am not fashionable, I wear what makes me comfortable; and it’s a range of skimpy dresses to boyish clothes. While my sister enjoys wearing leggings and skinny jeans, paired with huge shirts. That’s how we both like it. [[ LOL. How do I female?]] The father figure is all about saying how women should be this and that on their looks, and yet he has two kids that has CLEARLY broken his ideology. (fuck you kindly, sir.) I feel sorry for my sister, being a slow-learner, she sometimes gets stuck at trying to understand why the father figure just doesn’t favor her in ways. She even has told me that she thinks the father figure only loved her because he had no choice.

I despise my father’s sexism (anyone’s sexism, pfft!). He has not let his mind develop into a wise old man. He keeps saying that girls should be pretty even after doing lots of household chores , WHILE he wastes his time on TV and Facebook. He goes on about girls should just stay at home while he says that it’s okay for my brother to get home late.

He keeps saying that the women don’t have a say in the church, that they should shut up because “jesus” has said that he did not give authority to women over men…and YET, he has discussed that the female creation was taken from the side of the man to be his companion for all eternity. He makes it seem like he still favors the women who work for the church, who speak in the church, and who has authority in the church, but is passive-aggressively saying in the most gentle way that “jesus” still has mentioned that women don’t have a say over the men (refer to 1 Timothy 2:12).

… My reaction to everything, from today’s happening to his utterly atrocious attitude towards women:

I call bullshit on what you preach about. The bible is a very old book, and you better check what millennium you live now. In the olden times, the women are powerless; but not anymore. It’s 2013 (almost 2014) and women are better than following your book of fairy tales. If you think that women should shut up, then good luck trying to feed yourself when your WIFE stops teaching, since she works using her mouth all the time…right? Because I think, you teaching at a small-ass learning center and being a Pastor would really help you. Pfft.

Also, dear father, I am deeply sorry that I am not the kind of girl that you dream your daughter to be. I happen to have grown beside you and my brother and have quite taken a few tips on how to be obnoxious in some ways. I happen to learn to love myself over the years that any kind of negative remark about my body will be brushed off. I am also sorry, in behalf of my sister, that she happens to be a simple girl who likes cute little things but doesn’t wear cute and pink clothing. We both are sorry that we’re fat and uncaring of ourselves, as you may put it, that you would get the feeling of “Secondary Embarrassment” when we’re with you, or when you feel uncomfortable and embarrassed when people find out that you have “ugly” children too.

HOWEVER, I am not changing what I’m comfortable with, what I like, what I wear, or basically WHO I AM.I won’t let my sister change herself either just so you’d feel better about YOURSELF. This is the identity that we both have and will work with, as long as we don’t step on people’s feelings, egos, lives, etc. We won’t lose weight just because YOUsaid that it’s very freaking HORRENDOUSlooking. This is our body, we choose what we do with /to it. Unless our doctors tell us to lose weight for our own good, then yes, we’re doing that. BUT NEVER BECAUSE HAVING EXTRA WEIGHT IS UGLY IN YOUR SHALLOW EYES. NEVER TO ANYONE WHO THINKS BEING ONESELF IS A CRIME TO THE GENERAL CROWD’S EYES.

Rant over.

[Lawtan]

Here, for the both of you.

[Lauv Keiko]

what does the flower mean?

[Lawtan]

Whatever you need it to mean. I have no way of knowing what would help, so I sent a flower as support instead.

[Yokuutsu]

I think it's meant to be something to cheer you up? Brighten up the day.

While my mother has never been that bad (not that I consciously noticed) she has said some horrible things kind of on that train of thought (though she remembers none of it) and I'm glad that you're better than me on it (I hate myself now) and can help you sister.

[Kilala Mikal]

You tell him honey. I think it's wonderful that you're comfortable in the skin you're in. Not a lot of females have that confidence, especially after receiving the verbal harassment that you and your sister have. I know I've still got a long road ahead of me to reach that point.