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Ava Ava is offline
Double Rainbow
Default "You can't identify as (insert) if you..."   #1  
Hey friends.

Am not sure if many of you all know about the "Natural Hair Movement"?
Basically, it's when black women stop manipulating their hair to make it straight. Such as, relaxers or perms.

Lately, there's been some arguing in the natural hair community... some "naturals" feel that biracial people are "hijacking" the movement. That biracial people can't consider themselves to be "black" because they are only half so...

I've struggling with racial identity for a really, really long time.
I'm multiracial; African American, German, Venezuelan and a wee little bit of Italian from my grandfather's mother. As a kid, I grew up in small-town, Minnesota and I was the only colored child in my entire grade up until 5th grade, and even then, the other "brown" kids were mixed like I am.

I was always very ashamed of my heritage growing up. My father tried hard to get me to learn Spanish and truth be told, it was one of the first languages I was exposed to when I was really small. I didn't have an opinion on it until I went to school and realized I was the only brown skinned child, not to mention, the only one who was familiar with Spanish. I started to look at my family, my black family always treated me poorly and called me "white girl" because I wasn't "black enough" for them... I didn't speak like they did, and most importantly, my hair was always fucked up because my mom never knew how to "fix" my hair. Meanwhile, my Latinx family were always really supportive and kind, but I grew up associating them with poverty and ghetto-ness because they were always living in poor areas, they are loud and they didn't fit into my "American dream".. The only German members of my family that I cared about have died. (The last fully German member of my family that is alive is my grandfather's sister, and she's mean as a snake, so I avoid her)


I didn't mean for this to get lengthy and about me..

But when I'm trying to say is, I rejected my family because I was ashamed.. and from all sides, I. got everyone telling me what I should or should not identify as.
"You can't identify as black because that means you are rejecting your other half"
"You can't identify as white because that means you have black shame!"
"You *don't* count!"

WELL.
I do consider myself black. And by saying I am black , I'm not saying I'm ashamed of my heritage. I am proud of my heritage and I'm very glad about my ancestors and what they've done.
My mom always tells me, it doesn't matter what my background is, I'm 100% Ava. 100% human and that's what counts. And if people around me only see me as a color, a nationality, an ethnicity... then they are missing the best part of me. And they aren't worth being my friend.


So....
I'm not sure if anyone here also has racial identity crises,
But how do you feel about things like this? Maybe you don't struggle with racial identity, but maybe identity in other ways?
"I dare a man to say I'm too young..
For I'm going to try for the sun!"

--- Donovan
Picture drawn by itty
Old Posted 03-11-2020, 10:22 PM Reply With Quote  
Default   #2   Merskelly Metalien Merskelly Metalien is offline
Icy Footed
What ya shared sorta reminds me of Miles Morales from Into the Spiderverse Ava. :) Though he expresses much of his black ethnicity in the movie, he also hints at his hispanic heritage with some language and interaction. ^-^ Its nice to embrace the muliple cultures that you are a part of, regardless of your looks.

:/ I'm pretty much just of hispanic heritage, and the only mixed part of me is probably European in descent...maybe Spanish, or French who knows. 8/ I suspect I may be part Italian, >-> hmmm...but I probably won't know unless I get a DNA kit. X]

I sorta forsake half of my mexican heritage, mainly due to language barrier, <:/ but also because I don't entirely feel a part of the culture. I feel welcome at my grandma's house from my dad's side, but I'm not really crazy immersed into my heritage with latina beauty or style or anything. :/ I can be if I feel welcome enough though. <:] And Olvera Street is sort of a trip for me with tons of stuff I enjoy.

As for me personally, I identify as, semi-mexican-american? 8/ Because I am weirdly semi-something in appearance, and not very latina-lookin'. XD Some past peers thought I might be part Asian or part Middle Eastern, but nope. <x] I'm...ahh, whatever! *shrug* I speak-a-da-english, understand sssssome spanish, and have that native Cali accent. XD I'm probably more identifiable as a Californian actually. 8/ Like New York, this state, especially SoCal is a melting pot! I'm not anything but hispanic blooded, and not claiming to be anything else, since I dunno for certain except for what my family tells me. :/ Although I mostly hung around with Asian international students and got to experience more asian culture, I'm not even a little Asian. XD Haven't been exposed as much to black culture, <:] but most peers I knew that were, were pretty sweet to me. <3

^^^Click to go to my pond hangout^^^ ^^^ Click to go to my frickin' art shop ^^^

Old Posted 03-12-2020, 01:09 AM Reply With Quote  
Stabbsworth Stabbsworth is offline
Alien Cow
Default   #3  
i'm british and white as hell. i know someone that's had jewish members in their family but they haven't practiced for about three generations.

i'm also ace and panromantic, and apparently that's a topic for debate in the lgbtq+ community.

edit: i was also learning spanish for a time because that's the second most-spoken language in the world, and i figured it'd be easier because i have previous experience in speaking + reading in french.
percival is busy being queer as hell. he was also here.
Old Posted 03-12-2020, 01:05 PM Reply With Quote  
Default   #4   Coda Coda is offline
Developer
in terms of my ancestry, I'm... about as white as you get. My father's side of the family has its roots in Germany, my mother's side has them in Scandinavia (mostly Sweden), and both sides have been in the United States for at least five generations. (My great-grandmother knew a little bit of Swedish from, I believe, her grandmother.)

I don't have a particularly strong association with that identity. I'm sure in part that's because it's the majority demographic so there's just not enough contrast to make it stand out over other points of identification, and in part it's because I don't really like the whole "white shame" idea but I can't really avoid it. It probably doesn't help that I'm pretty darn close to race-blind (I've described that before, no reason to repeat it here) so I don't really perceive the dividing lines in the first place.

I definitely have issues in my past with other kinds of identity, though.

I certainly have some sort of nonbinary gender identity. It took me several years to get comfortable with myself after discovering how much stress over the matter I'd been bottling up over my whole life to that point. I finally DID find a comfortable place, but heck if I know what to call it, and I do still have some lingering hang-ups that I'll probably never entirely shake. It's close enough to "male" that I find no discomfort in using that label in day-to-day use, but it's certainly not accurate.
Mega Man: The Light of Will (Mega Man / Green Lantern crossover: In the lead-up to the events of Mega Man 2, Dr. Wily has discovered emotional light technology. How will his creations change how humankind thinks about artificial intelligence? Sadly abandoned. Sufficient Velocity x-post)

Games by Coda (updated 11/24/2019 - New game: Jigsawmino)
Art by Coda (updated 4/20/2020 - untitled original music)
Old Posted 03-12-2020, 05:00 PM Reply With Quote  
Stabbsworth Stabbsworth is offline
Alien Cow
Default   #5  
yeah, i'm nb and masculine and it'd be easier for me to present as masculine. unfortunately, can't really do that just yet because i don't think my mum wants me to, uh. essentially, she'd have three boys.

plus i'm pretty sure she's a transphobe, so it'd be easier if i were able to move out first.
percival is busy being queer as hell. he was also here.
Old Posted 03-13-2020, 08:29 AM Reply With Quote  
Default   #6   Merskelly Metalien Merskelly Metalien is offline
Icy Footed
<x] Me, who has been a disappointment of a girl my entire life:

I am a space alien that just cannot be entirely feminine and is simply uninvited to masculine participation in any form. eUe; I don't beloooooong.
...but I'm somehow still cute, dammit... >_<;

^^^Click to go to my pond hangout^^^ ^^^ Click to go to my frickin' art shop ^^^

Old Posted 03-14-2020, 12:28 PM Reply With Quote  
Espy Espy is offline
Wanderer
Default   #7  
Ah, uh, there’s the “you’re non-binary so you’re not trans” and vice-versa issue. And ace gatekeeping. You know, slightly different from racial gatekeeping, but still.
STONEWALL WAS A RIOT

Last edited by Espy; 03-17-2020 at 04:48 AM.
Old Posted 03-16-2020, 02:12 PM Reply With Quote  
Default   #8   Witchchylde Witchchylde is offline
Rebooting....
Now I'm wondering if they/them is strictly a gender identity, or if it can be applied to those of us with psychological diversity, as I'm just this moment calling it. Not necessarily just the multiple personality disorder, but like dissociative personalities. If living with multiple minds in a cooperative state qualifies someone as a them?I suppose the character in Split is a volatile extreme expression of this idea, but it seems to me that cooperation between alters is a less threatening resolution than erasure of alters. Or would that just lead to more confusion about the use of they/them all together?
Old Posted 03-16-2020, 04:32 PM Reply With Quote  
Coda Coda is offline
Developer
Default   #9  
Speaking from experience... yes, it can apply, although it applies differently. Each member of a plural system has their own gender identity, and when speaking about any one of them you would use whatever terms are appropriate for the individual. But by the very nature of being plural the group as a whole is of course referred to using... y'know, plural grammar. After all, what else would you use to refer to more than one person at a time?

Do be a bit careful with the term "alters." Some people don't mind, but others see it as alienating. I'm not sure there is a universally accepted term, although I have yet to encounter anyone who has a problem with "headmate."

Quote:
Originally Posted by Espy View Post
Ah, uh, there’s the “you non-binary so you’re not trans” and vice-versa issue. And ace gatekeeping. You know, slightly different from racial gatekeeping, but still.
Ugh, no joke, I know exactly what you mean.

Heaven forbid you're fluid. Seems NOBODY knows what to do about that.
Mega Man: The Light of Will (Mega Man / Green Lantern crossover: In the lead-up to the events of Mega Man 2, Dr. Wily has discovered emotional light technology. How will his creations change how humankind thinks about artificial intelligence? Sadly abandoned. Sufficient Velocity x-post)

Games by Coda (updated 11/24/2019 - New game: Jigsawmino)
Art by Coda (updated 4/20/2020 - untitled original music)
Old Posted 03-16-2020, 06:44 PM Reply With Quote  
Default   #10   Espy Espy is offline
Wanderer
@witch: yes, for systems, but as Coda said, in a different way.

@coda: not even a matter of fluidity; trans simply means a gender diff from what your were assigned at birth. So enby folks fall under the trans umbrella and can identify as such if they so wish.
STONEWALL WAS A RIOT

Old Posted 03-17-2020, 04:50 AM Reply With Quote  
Kaderin Triste Kaderin Triste is offline
Truthwatcher
Default   #11  
I'll be honest, the only gatekeeping I probably can ever experience will be the Ace one, but I don't really feel a strong desire to actively go to the lgbtq+ center for anything or participate in their events, so...
I am what I am whether you want to claim I can be part of your "inclusive" group or not.
Old Posted 03-17-2020, 09:52 AM Reply With Quote  
Default   #12   Merskelly Metalien Merskelly Metalien is offline
Icy Footed
Honestly can relate Kaderin. 8/ The amount of times I've been told I'm NOT an asexual is kind of sad. :']

And the sheer amount of arrogance is astounding even from the LGBTQ community. <x/
It honestly feels like a heart-rip. ;_; Like damn man...the heck did I do to you to deserve this kinda bullsh*t??

I was told I can't be asexual because it doesn't exist, I'm just shy. That I need to try sex first. That I might actually like girls if I had sex with one. B/ That I'm not asexual if I have been sexually assaulted or abused, or even, RIDICULOUSLY, had a sexual relationship. <xD That I was just not receptive to anything sexual because I wasn't LETTING myself. X'D It's enough to make you cry! And I did. ;n; A couple times.

Still feel nothing towards anyone besides appreciation and interest in hair or t shirt or tattoos. :/ Still gonna completley not need sex at all. >:/ Just cause I want a huge muscley teddy bear of a dude to hold me warm and snug so I can sleep happy does NOT mean I'm not asexual! XD I'm not the only one who wants this too right?? <x} Am I crazy?? Nnpillow man to hug? Yes??

^^^Click to go to my pond hangout^^^ ^^^ Click to go to my frickin' art shop ^^^

Old Posted 03-17-2020, 10:30 AM Reply With Quote  
Kaderin Triste Kaderin Triste is offline
Truthwatcher
Default   #13  
I'm not super comfortable with snuggles/being held, but I'd totally want to be friends with a dude like that and give them hugs occasionally when I'm really stressed.
Just because I'm ace/aro doesn't mean I don't like hugs.
:c
Old Posted 03-17-2020, 10:39 AM Reply With Quote  
Default   #14   Merskelly Metalien Merskelly Metalien is offline
Icy Footed
Exactly! And yeahh hugs are great. :[ especially if you need one.. ;_; *hugs pillow*

^^^Click to go to my pond hangout^^^ ^^^ Click to go to my frickin' art shop ^^^

Old Posted 03-17-2020, 11:40 AM Reply With Quote  
Kaderin Triste Kaderin Triste is offline
Truthwatcher
Default   #15  
I need lots of hugs.
*hugs Derpy*
Old Posted 03-17-2020, 11:46 AM Reply With Quote  
Default   #16   Den Den is offline
I’m just really tired, okay?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coda View Post
in terms of my ancestry, I'm... about as white as you get.
Excuse you, Coda? *says the person with British Isles, Northwestern European, Scandinavian, and very trace amounts of Southern European DNA* I am the whitest white bread here!

...

lol I kid.

Ava, don't let the gatekeepers get you down. There's always gonna be some asshole who thinks they get to decide who is "in" and who isn't. Same with any other community. Hell, I'm Nonbinary, Asexual, and Panromantic, not to mention Autistic. No matter what, there's someone in any of the communities I'm in who would shout that I "don't belong" for one stupid, arbitrary reason or another.

From the sound of things, it's stupid, arbitrary reasons that people are trying to exclude biracial or mixed heritage POC, too. Best bet is to just ignore them, and do what feels right for you, including the labels you choose to wear.
I use They/Them pronouns.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Gallagher
i'm not being biased, den just speaks my language
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Old Posted 03-17-2020, 05:30 PM Reply With Quote  
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