[Stabbsworth]

shrugs, gestures vaguely.

everything is chemicals at the end of the day. absolutely everything. not a single one of us can escape from the chemical.

[Espy]

Daily awful: actually everything

[Coda]

I have a trigger. It's a trigger I've known about for a long time, but by its very nature it's something that's exceptionally hard to deal with. Most other triggers are just difficult because it's traumatic, which certainly isn't to be understated, but the trigger is separate from the response to it.

My trigger is helplessness.

It is exactly when I'm in a bad situation that I can't do anything about that I have a complete meltdown. Which, of course, is a situation I'm helpless to deal with by the very nature that I'm in the middle of a meltdown. It can spiral into an panic attack very quickly.

Even worse is when the original situation is something that I would normally be able to resolve, but I'm not ALLOWED to do something about it. That's a special kind of stress. Wikipedia's article on double binds is exceptionally insightful here.

I also... don't deal with panic attacks very well. I mean, the whole idea behind a panic attack is that it's something that you can't deal with, but I turn into an incoherent babbling mess, not fully able to express anything, hyperventilating, alternating between paralysis and flailing violence (thankfully my fundamental aversion to hurting people makes it so that even in this state I've never attacked anyone, and I usually manage to avoid damaging anything). This time around I was pounding on the floor screaming for help because I couldn't breathe. I think I may have bruised my hands...

I guess in the end I'm grateful that the circumstances necessary to put me in this state are rare enough that I've only had this happen... I think four times in my life?

[Death by Mirrors]

Originally Posted by Merskelly Metalien

I can't help but wonder if I might have turned out happier with my life and would like myself better, if I was unremarkably stupid, instead of being... >n>? however intelligent I actually am. </3

Most likely, yes. And you would have made history.

...but also I wouldn't like you that much. Stupid people are a pest to spend time with.

[Stabbsworth]

at least you've figured out that it's a trigger for you, coda.

spoilered for mentions of incest. it's gross.

lowkey not sure whether i can refer to the whole reaction i get from glorified incest as a trigger tbh? yeah, i get a pretty bad emotional reaction but it doesn't exactly give me anything other than a bad emotional reaction, which i can deal with by distracting myself. i haven't had any traumatic experience with this sort of thing, aside from the whole 'being influenced to believe that incest was okay'-type thing and that was in a previous friend group.

endless frustration.

[Merskelly Metalien]

Daily Awful: ;U; Once again, I have work to do all day today, and I know I'm going to have to struggle with taking care of myself, and trying to get work done at the same time...

@DbM: Sometimes more than a pest to spend time with. <x'} *refers to the current orange president child*
<u<; When encountering such a person, I struggle to keep my mouth shut, and keep my composure. Ignorance truly must be bliss, because I've never seen an idiot go about without a smile on their face.
o_o Maybe this is why children are always cheerful..when I was little and didn't know much of anything, I loved life. :/ Well, most of the time, until I learned better, and realized I wasn't that special after all. x} But at least there was always playing with hand-puppets on my own, after being ostracized from the other kids...>n> *eyes my two rubber t-rex hand puppets in my drawer* ..hm...I have work to do, but...

[Stabbsworth]

unsanitary //

constipation is a very literal pain in the ass.

[Merskelly Metalien]

Ugh...I've been there. ;_; *sympathizes across the pond*

[Death by Mirrors]

Oh yeah. Once he manages to build that wall, make sure he's on the other side of it and can't get back in. (Sorry, Mexico)

[Kory]

My Daily Awful;

So... Someone I love and cared about told me the other day that he really didn't see me as even a "person" to him anymore. Like, he pretty much said to me, "You're like.. a slave to me. You do whatever I want and I don't have to ask twice and if you say anything out of line, I'll b*tch slap you and do whatever I want anyway. So... yeah. You're not a person to me anymore."

Granted, I kinda figured that's how he felt about me... It just felt weird to hear him voice it.
And also like... I put my own self in this situation. I've got no one to blame but myself...

[Death by Mirrors]

Dump that guy. You'll find others who value you more.

[Espy]

Yeet him out a fifth story window. It’s a good idea. Endorsed by me, Espy, creator of wonderful ideas.

Daily awful: -screaming-

[Francisco]

tw trans bullshit

Trying to date as a trans guy is more depressing than being trans. I get the feeling that I'm never gonna find a guy that's not just a freak fetishizing me for having a snatch. The last two serious relationships I had were with people who are apparently lesbians now. Really makes you wonder, huh? Why do I even bother.

[Death by Mirrors]

Tell those freaks you're more of a man than they'll ever be yet still more of a woman they'll ever get. Then throw them out of the same fifth story window suggested by Espy. 'Cause you deserve better, and you will find better.

[Francisco]

Can we call it the bigot window?

[Death by Mirrors]

Dude, you can call it anything you like. Just be sure to put a huge blinking arrow next to it, so everyone else dealing with stupid (wannabe) partners will find it. ;-)