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Suzerain of Sheol
Desolation Denizen
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#161 | |||
Ah, alas, these are dark times, sir.
In other news, I do have a new poem, but I fear it will not translate to the forum format well. Cold silence has a tendency to atrophy any sense of compassion between supposed lovers. Between supposed brothers. | ||||
Posted 02-18-2012, 04:37 PM |
#162 |
Arsis_von_Neaera
THIS. IS. SPAR -shot- ... *gurgle*
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I believe in you.
Maybe it's a condition, ever think of that? No, no you didn't. You never thought, "oh maybe he's sensitive about his invisible eyes." Maybe it's a skin condition.
"Maybe she was born with it..." | ||||
Posted 02-18-2012, 07:28 PM |
Suzerain of Sheol
Desolation Denizen
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#163 | |||
I seem to have found the solution. All thanks to your unwavering faith in me. ;)
Is meant to be read in alphabetical order by columns, but you can always try it other ways too. :p I'm strongly considering cutting the last W stanza, as I think the V stanza ends it much better. Edit: I see errors already. X__X Oh, well, spotted them in time for class at least. Cold silence has a tendency to atrophy any sense of compassion between supposed lovers. Between supposed brothers. | ||||
Posted 02-18-2012, 08:08 PM |
#164 |
Suzerain of Sheol
Desolation Denizen
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Update, has a new shape...
Ignore my cursor near the bottom >_> Cold silence has a tendency to atrophy any sense of compassion between supposed lovers. Between supposed brothers. | ||||
Posted 02-21-2012, 01:36 AM |
Suzerain of Sheol
Desolation Denizen
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#165 | |||
I'm not too proud of this one, just kind of wrote it on a whim. Was trying to play with sound a little bit. Blah.
Afternoon Apocalypse Cold silence has a tendency to atrophy any sense of compassion between supposed lovers. Between supposed brothers. | ||||
Posted 03-07-2012, 12:14 PM |
#166 |
Quiet Man Cometh
We're all mad here.
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I like that one actually :) (and nice job on the update. I like what you did with it. Seems very you. ;))
You have the aliteration down, what I would suggest it paying more attention to vowel sounds in between. These are my favourite lines here, soundwise: "letting ourselves wait for an easier salvation despite that we were helplessly drowning in our own appetites, brazen starvation" I like the long 'a' sounds in wait and salvation, brazen, and the rhyme -which surprised me- with 'starvation.' There are long 'i' sounds too with 'despite' and 'appetite.' Not so fond of the last line, I guess because it feels more decorative rather than substanial. Overall I like it though. :). Go send it somewhere! :p | ||||
Posted 03-08-2012, 12:43 AM |
Suzerain of Sheol
Desolation Denizen
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#167 | |||
I'm going to bring it class tomorrow and see what they think of it. May go work on it some more afterward, will take your comments under advisement. :)
Cold silence has a tendency to atrophy any sense of compassion between supposed lovers. Between supposed brothers. | ||||
Posted 03-08-2012, 12:49 AM |
#168 |
Suzerain of Sheol
Desolation Denizen
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New one. The form looks different on the page, but this will work.
Astronomics Cold silence has a tendency to atrophy any sense of compassion between supposed lovers. Between supposed brothers. | ||||
Posted 03-16-2012, 11:14 PM |
Suzerain of Sheol
Desolation Denizen
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#169 | |||
1 month later...
Perception Rejection Cold silence has a tendency to atrophy any sense of compassion between supposed lovers. Between supposed brothers. | ||||
Posted 04-19-2012, 04:55 PM |
#170 |
Quiet Man Cometh
We're all mad here.
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Playing with form again?
When my brain works out all those definitions I might have something more to say about it. Feels less like a poem and more of a concept playground. :) | ||||
Posted 04-21-2012, 12:40 AM |
Suzerain of Sheol
Desolation Denizen
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#171 | |||
*cringes at rusty writing gears*
Radiant Decisions Cold silence has a tendency to atrophy any sense of compassion between supposed lovers. Between supposed brothers. | ||||
Posted 05-29-2012, 07:52 PM |
#172 |
Suzerain of Sheol
Desolation Denizen
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So glad I'm keeping my one-poem-a-month quota *rolls eyes*
Possibly [M] on this one, just in case. Subsistence, Post-Eschaton Cold silence has a tendency to atrophy any sense of compassion between supposed lovers. Between supposed brothers. | ||||
Posted 06-26-2012, 12:17 AM |
Suzerain of Sheol
Desolation Denizen
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#173 | |||
I... don't even know what this is, but, my God, I'm not about to look a gift-muse in the mouth.
Someone tell me what this means. Not of This World Cold silence has a tendency to atrophy any sense of compassion between supposed lovers. Between supposed brothers. | ||||
Posted 07-28-2012, 12:27 AM |
#174 |
Quiet Man Cometh
We're all mad here.
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Would you be dreadfully disappointed if I told it reminds me of another poem?
I'm not sure I know what that one was either. | ||||
Posted 08-11-2012, 09:09 AM |
Rigel
Lyricist
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#175 | |||
Reading over your poetry = I'm in love with it all.
Afternoon Apocalypse made my heart swell. | ||||
Posted 08-12-2012, 09:42 PM |
#176 |
Suzerain of Sheol
Desolation Denizen
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Wow, um, thank you!
I have to ask, though, what did you like about that one? I've always put in in my pile of "meh" poems, personally. :p Cold silence has a tendency to atrophy any sense of compassion between supposed lovers. Between supposed brothers. | ||||
Posted 08-12-2012, 09:47 PM |
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