[Kory]

I know I rarely post here anymore,
But I don't really feel safe in the place that I used to frequent, and I'll tell you why...

On a different avatar forum, I met someone who seemed nice. They would talk to me and we seemed to hit it off. So I added them on Discord. At the time, I was going through an abusive relationship that I was trapped in for four years. I told them this and at the time, I found out I was pregnant and I was scared but at the same time super excited and whatever. I lost the pregnancy (I think it was a blighted ovum, my doctor really, really sucked because I'm broke and wouldn't really give me any details on what exactly happened.) So I told them this, and then I told them that I might try again. They knew I was in an abusive relationship and I knew I was in an abusive relationship, but I wasn't ready to let it go... I was delusional and thought that a baby would fix my ex. I don't know why, I just thought that...

So I told them that I was going to try again and they said that they'd be disappointed in me if I did. So I did. And I got pregnant again. And the next thing I know, they blocked me. They didn't give me any warning or came to me with their issues with me. Just a block. My best friend, now new boyfriend, later on told me that they had DM'd him and purposefully misgendered me and used transphobic logic as to why they were misgendering me and they said to him that I was lying about being trans or that I was lying about something. I didn't ask him for details, because if they had a problem with me, they should have come to ME about it and not gone behind my back and told random people not to talk to me anymore. He said that they said they blocked me because I didn't "listen to them".

But HELLO?! I was in an abusive relationship. What sucks more is that they said they related to me because they were also in an abusive relationship. I don't know... If you understood how it felt to be gaslit, love bombed, etc... Why would you just randomly abandon that person during a time in their life where they could really use understanding and a friend???

What sucks more is that they are supposedly close friends with people that I liked and trusted. If this person DM'd my best friend to get him to stop talking to me, and misgendered me on purpose on top of all of that, I know that they were talking to other people too. Like their "best friend". Who I was friends with too... Their best friend hasn't said anything to me about it, but I know that they talked to her about it. And I know she probably talked to other people about it.

It's so frustrating. I finally broke up with my ex for good, but no thanks to them. I poured my heart out to them, I told them things that I wouldn't just tell anyone random. I thought I was being a good friend to them and this is how they treated me? I even genuinely liked them and I would check in with them every now and then for no reason just to see how they were doing. I'm so hurt. If they had a problem with me, they should have come to me with the issue instead of randomly blocking me and then being vindictive and going behind my back to get people to stop talking to me. What are we? In elementary school? "I don't like Susie, so stop talking to them!"

It's so immature. And I recently saw that they posted in the forum again and it just set me off. I don't feel safe there or really ANY avatar forum anymore because all of us are kinda all in the same places. We all kinda know each other from everywhere. So even though I've stopped using that forum, other people are in other places and I can't avoid them.

It makes my blood boil because I was a damn good friend to them. And yes, I DIDN'T listen. But how could you have expected me to react the way YOU did just because you were in an abusive relationship before too? Like... wtf. I am not YOU. I react in the way that I do. And yes, I made a shitty mistake because I ended up bringing another life into the world and making everything more difficult for everyone else... But besides that, if someone is struggling, why would you add more struggle to their struggle on top of that? Who do you think I am?!

They also wrote in their post on the other forum, "to my friend, if you're reading this" which makes me think they're talking to me, but they claimed they knew this person for 20+ years. I'm only 28, and I didn't become active on the internet until I was around 11-12. So... No way I could have known them for 20+ years, but it's whatever...

I just feel so betrayed and hurt.