[Merskelly Metalien]

;u; Guys. I think I might be depressed...*flops onto couch hopelessly*

I don't see any future for myself, or a direction, I killed my passions before and am doing it again, I am stressing myself over school, medical coverage, and finding a job, and now I am facing the grim realities again with major pessimism, dread and hopelessness. ;U; I wanna cry, but I have to take care of my gramma today and try to look happy for my brother before he goes to work...he's in a better mood than I am, I don't wanna bring it down. ;-; If I got paid to beat myself up, I'd be swimming in a lake made of dollar bills...there is nothing but negative thoughts. I can't seem to compliment myself. It's gotten to a point where I struggle to say nice things about anything I do.
Is this why I can't get hired?? Is this why I'm such a terrible candidate? When there are so many others like me out there, that are actually fine and know their abilities and have confidence in themselves...it only makes sense.

Now I find myself entertaining thoughts of overdosing and getting hit by traffic, or otherwise abusing the alcohol that's in the house, just to feel something other than terrible about myself. ;u; *sigh*...but that would honestly just make things worse for my family...<n< It's just one of those days where there's no energy, no drive, no smiling, tired slowness, the desire to just nap for a long long time, and just get away from everyone...