[Suzerain of Sheol]

Okay, I promised to get back to you about this, here it goes.

First off, poetry is very difficult to critique, it's almost entirely subjective as to what's "good" (though what's bad is a bit more unanimous).

Second, credit for not writing mopey narcissistic emo diary poetry. :P

Third, the rhythm is throwing me in places. I can't tell if it's just a form I'm not familiar with, or it's inconsistent, cause there's some really well-flowing lines, like,

One day was clear, searingly so,

"Oh Spirits, we shall surely die,

Which are perfect pentameter and read really powerfully, but some of the others feel "off" in comparison, like,

Five-and-sixty they set adrift, with great Solaris blazing,

Which just feeling overlong to the surrounding lines.

But no, it's definitely workable. It's clearly epic in nature, if anything I think there should be more of it.

(If you have any prose stories, I'm much better at critiquing those. :P)