[daikokunyo]

i could just shout this in the void but idk, i'd be happy to hear some advice.

ever since the lockdown, since i'm at home all day, i'm finding it difficult to establish a routine. as a result, for a few days i won't log into trisphee or watch anything entertaining, and i'll wallow mournfully in academics. once i kind of finish an assignment, i'll just chill for a couple of days and binge-watch and chat all over trisphee, go onto social media, all that kind of thing. i'm not able to really balance, because if i try to take a break between academicking to check trisphee or watch an episode of a drama, i'll feel like i'm getting distracted and won't be able to return to my homework after the break. of course this depends on how difficult i'm finding it to write the particular essay i'm working on, but in general i feel like if i take a break to dabble in something i love, i won't stop.

on the other hand, when i finish something i chill for a day or two and then i am watching dramas, reading novels, checking trisphee intermittently, all day. i can't get into the headspace where i start another piece of homework because the previous essay drained me so much. the annoying thing is, when i start my homework again a day or two later, i regret this time i spent relaxing. even though i tell myself i deserve the leisure and productivity is capitalist nonsense anyway, and nobody should have to justify spending time for themselves. i guess it's just ingrained. but it's also that academics are plain stressful.