Originally Posted by Meizicht
I might not give a ton of advice on this subject but, from what you say, I can relate to this guy a lot. Even though I care about people, I don't feel much emotion for anything. I can get upset when someone I care about is in trouble, but that doesn't mean I'm solid on what my feelings are. If he's anything like me, it's a jumbled mess, and sometimes I at least just give up trying to identify emotions, and end up settling inside a "gray area" for most, almost all of my life. Love is complicated to me, but I try really hard. I don't view myself high at all; I think of myself lower than trash, and I'm sure my boyfriend could tell you all about how frequently I drop down into a rut where I tell him to find someone better and that he doesn't deserve the crap I do. I'm also a virgin, at 22 ( rounding up since it's less than a month away, lol ), and I've been betrayed over and over and over again. Cheated on, deceived, used and pitied. Even as a guy, I can say with honesty, if he is anything like me, he is probably really skittish, really fragile. And the thing we need the most is as much affection, reassurance, and attention as possible. It could be frustrating for you, probably - because I'm thinking of this through his eyes, and when I have a fit of depression with my boyfriend, I'm very sure it annoys him to the bone, which makes me terribly insecure - but if you really want to be with him, if it's like this, patience is more than just a virtue; it's necessary.
If it's like this, and he's like this, if it were me, talking from experience, I would love it if just maybe for my boyfriend to patiently hear me rant when I have doubts, reassure me that it's okay, say whatever mushy things, and continue to do so until I felt better. People like me, if this is how it is, aren't used to affection, which makes it really important. Not just physically, but with words too, frequently. And lots of time.
Time, patience, attention, affection, reassurance; all of these, and whatever he says, try to trust that he doesn't want you to let him go. Sometimes when I tell my boyfriend it's best for him to dump me, I would be devastated if he said "okay". And I know it's contradictory to say this and then claim not to feel much emotion, but it's more than just black and white. You'll have to open your mind to maybe get him to tell you more about it, and don't try to assume it's something, not saying you are. I know when I talk about it with people, and they claim to know what I'm talking about, I get frustrated, lol. I'd much rather just have people listen. So listening is another thing.
Hopefully I'm not just rambling. But what you were saying struck a lot of similarity in me. And I figured maybe having advice from a similar perspective as him might be helpful.
Also, I'd like to say that just because he is laughing and smiling and appearing happy, doesn't mean that he is feeling it. All throughout school and life, I came off as the class clown, grinning and joking and such, but really, I had always been stuck inside my gray area. I could never for the life of me understand why people would get so excited as to yell or jump or anything like that. I always wondered about it, but I figured it was never important, until now. I struggle with it a lot, because when I tell people, especially if they know me irl, people have a hard time believing it. Since outwardly, I seem happy all the time. For me, it's just going through the motions. I'm used to it, and it's a routine. But I don't feel it. This doesn't mean he's depressed all the time. It just means he may have a monotone type of "normal". Just because he looks a certain way, doesn't mean what he says isn't true. This is what resonated the most with me, since it just makes me feel trapped in a box when people don't believe me when I tell them I've never been happy like normal people. I don't want to sound harsh but I don't think you should tell him that what he tells you isn't true, about this. That will make him feel like he can't talk to you about it. He might think you don't believe him.
Anyway, this is only if he's anything like I am. If I'm wrong, I apologize. x__x
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