[Kaderin Triste]

Lol.....land a book deal...I am not good with plots tbh, so I think the longest story I've ever managed to write hit around 5-6 pages before it fell apart.

Realistically, my issues all stem from the constant subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) insults I would get on a regular basis from family (my parents were big on the preventing conflict by discouraging me from doing things my sister was like piano and choir, etc) and kids at school (you know, typical verbal bullying...) for basically 10 years followed by almost 10 years of less frequent subtle jabs mainly by my dad, who is becoming quite the expert at questioning and sounding disappointed at how I live my life, then praising my siblings. Add to that the fact that most friends who I have semi-regular contact with outside of Trisphee have usually ended the friendship after a year or two, usually for something I said or did, without giving a chance to fix the problem and my brain is basically a big mess of feelings of inferiority, fear, and worthlessness. It's a daily struggle and could be stuff that I should write about, but I just can't make anything come out that my brain says is any good. The thought formulate in my head and sound perfect, but as I type them, they slip into a garbled mess halfway through and I'm left with half a page of mostly useless rambling.

Oh look...I'm making excuses again... >.>