[Quiet Man Cometh]

I like that one actually :) (and nice job on the update. I like what you did with it. Seems very you. ;))

You have the aliteration down, what I would suggest it paying more attention to vowel sounds in between. These are my favourite lines here, soundwise:

"letting ourselves wait for an easier salvation
despite that we were helplessly drowning in
our own appetites, brazen starvation"

I like the long 'a' sounds in wait and salvation, brazen, and the rhyme -which surprised me- with 'starvation.' There are long 'i' sounds too with 'despite' and 'appetite.'

Not so fond of the last line, I guess because it feels more decorative rather than substanial. Overall I like it though. :). Go send it somewhere! :p