[Epic Rave Monster]

Most of my poetry is depressing. And some of them do contain suicidal thoughts, or tortured events. You have been warned.

Cancer

Here is where we sit with candles lit
The pain is eating away at your heart

Pouring rain
It always seemed to let you down
You said the angels were crying
but you were the one who wore a frown

The cancer is spreading
Your waiting for the day you die
Staring out that window
wanting to commit suicide

Time is passing
There's so much more to learn
Your pain is increasing
You want to put out the burn

To grow old and die is what you longed for
Not to grow up in this hospital
forgetting what you've learned
almost as if your memories were torn from your body

Every step you take
you end up falling back
Clutching on your chest
wishing for the life you've never had

Blood-Shot Eyes

Seems like every day these tears have been busy
making their way down my cheek
And after some time
I can't seem to cry anymore
Do I have time anymore?

So I sit there trying to force them out
Why can't I cry?
Everything has become so painful

They say crying helps you feel better
so I watch some T.V hoping I can cry myself to sleep
And then they come
Here they fall
My pillow has become soaked again

Another day
It's time to cry
Once again; I wish to die
And so I try to cry again
It doesn't happen
I find myself laughing
It's funny how my life's been such a joke
There's no more hope
There's no more pills to heal this broken mind

Tug of War

Picture me with smiles
if it will make you happy
Because I cannot smile every day

Tug of war at my heart
There's so many to please
Waiting patiently for that chance to breathe

Slowly crashing down...

I've tried to pick you up
You tried to do the same
I need all of that distance
but you get pushed away

You become concerned with everything I say
Time will let you know
when time decides to fade

I don't want to be lonely
but I am lonely now
You want all of my attention
but I am on the ground

You give me all your hopes
but I know the truth
Negative becomes positive when my mind is on the loose

A Struggle

Where did it go?
You use to be so confident
Everybody's laughing while he is on the ground

Body's covered with scars of memory
You took everything out on yourself
The room suddenly goes quiet
they didn't expect you would go so far

They continue to taunt you
You're such a reckless kid
You start to lose your strength
They decide to go ahead

They laugh right in your face
You cry inside your room
You decide to take your life
cause no one will miss you

When did life become such a blur?
You never put yourself first
It never got you far
You never took that chance to become what you are

Where do I belong?
What will I become?
We all just want to be loved
They all just try to fit in

We use to be okay
We use to be so different
We use to feel so safe
No longer able to rely on yourself
you push your feelings aside

She looks right in the mirror and whispers to herself
"I wish that I was skinny"
"Wish I was someone else"

She walked right up to him and asked for a friend
He just faked a smile
Decided to go ahead
Little did she know
she would be broken in the end

Where do I belong?
What will I become?
We used to be okay
Now it's just another day

We always use to smile
now the tears keep pouring down
I just want you to love me
not because I was someone else

Dissection

Squeezing out the blood
Here comes another flood
The angels are calling you tonight

Your innocents are a given
Your heart has been put on a ladder
You wish to know the humble one

Here comes the grabbing
The shoving
The torture and the wounds
Here comes the piercing of the skin
And here comes the bruise

Here comes the taunting
Here comes the tears
Here comes the knives
Here comes the beer

They're dissecting you now
You start to lose your focus
No longer able to move
No longer able to shout

Your eyes fall to a close
Memories hurting your pride
If only you could remain safe
If only you did not die..

Silent Distance

She sits there on the floor
Another lonesome night
The darkness somewhat comforts her
even though she cries

Lean into deceit
Something she does so well
Troubling such a soul
Deep inside; It swells

Wait until the last moment arrives
No more believing the lies
We use to be so tied to our loved ones
but everybody dies

Hidden Affection

I walk the earth alone
so I like the wind
It wraps itself around me
It cures me slowly within

I retrace my steps back into the dark
When I feel deserted
you know I feel apart

It's funny how I run away and cry myself to sleep
when I want someone to come and comfort me

I try to hold it back
That's why I like the rain
No one can notice that I feel the pain

I like the lightning
It brings in the excitement
Yet, when the storm stops
the gloomy skies hover over me
Once again,
I find myself enclosed with dismay

A Tortured Event

Butcher knives and bullets
all trampled on the floor
Blood and finger prints
Look and see no more

Quickly, he goes to clean them up
A smirk across his face
A cackling laugh just enough to make someone grow insane

Hastily, he turns and looks the other way
The body trying to make it out the door
hoping to escape

"You're making such a mess!
How useful are you now?
Soon to lose what's left
you can't stay on the ground!"

Fleeting across the hallway
he grabbed her by the neck
His fingers dipped into her wounds
Another blatant laugh

"Why are you doing this to me!?"
she shuddered in terror
She looked into his eyes
She saw nothing there

No regret
No distress
Just amusement in his hues
All he wanted to do was experiment
That was nothing new

She had kept on fighting
If only she could leave
As he broke off each her limbs
he could hear her scream

What I've Kept Inside

If only you knew the pain I've gone through
If only you knew how hard it was to hold on

And would you even care?
Would you still be right there?
If I kept it all inside
would you realize
how hard it was to hold on?
How hard it was to hold on

I'm so weak
but I have to stay strong
The heartache inside was never meant to hold on

And if I stay
how long will I live?
Before you take my hand and lead me to the darkness

I trusted you
How could you bring me down?
You held me in your arms
now let me fade out

It was hard to believe
but I conceived in you
You're a monster in disguise
and now I draw the line

It didn't have to be like this
We didn't have to lose
We didn't have to let go
but what's obvious is true

I tried to block it out
but I kept between the lines
The anger in my heart
The sadness in my eyes

Crying Rivers

It always seems
when you die
it's gonna rain like the angels are crying

Death comes and knocks on your door
Someone you did not expect gives you harm

And it hurts
It cuts deep
When you think the wounds are healed
it's gonna bleed

And when you close your eyes
the images comes back
Betrayed by your love
Someone who never gave a damn

You turn your back on the world
You lock your heart so no one can attack it
You lie right through your teeth
Who's gonna have it?
Who's gonna know the truth?

And it hurts
It cuts deep
The feeling inside of you makes you want to scream

And you know the truth so well
You took my heart and gave it to someone else

Crying rivers
Broken hearts
Shattered memories
All in which you've torn apart

Photographic Memories

It felt like almost yesterday when everyone was happy
Smiles written on their face
but their sight was filled with sadness

Don't act like I don't know
I can feel the pain you feel
Lies you give away
This nightmare almost seems real

Photographic pictures
You can see what's deep inside
At first I didn't notice
until I looked into your eyes

It painfully kills me to see you fake a smile
Every word you said you were in denial

And now that I turn the page
I begin to reconcile
By every step you take
you become fragile

Soul Bound

Darkness surrounds me
The little night light in my room suddenly comforts me
knowing that night light is you

Every bit of laughter
Every crack of a smile
is all because of you
You can brighten up my crimson heart

Every little push
Every little budge
I know my organs are caving into the grasp of my killer
The tormentor who murders all the pain
Who makes my drops of tears go away

Every little touch;
Scratch
Bruises
Every little kiss;
Passionate
Twisted

I always wanted this

Engraved in you
Decayed by you
Somewhere along this bloody path
I'm made for you