[Airu]

..And whatever else this may end up being. x.x;
But yes.. just a rant to get things off my chest.
I really don't do this... but I really need it..

But things feel like they have been going downhill. x.x;;
Ever since me and my mom stopped our grooming business things are just shitty. Can't find a job.. and I'm going crazy. And the money issues is just argh... Barely able to pay my car payment along with my credit card, my phone, internet. -sighs- I just wish I could win the lottery... Maybe I should actually play before I bitch about not winning. >.> /headdesk I also wanna job to help out my parents. I mean my mom did get a job after we closed grooming, but she makes half what we did then. So it's hard getting back to that. And her truck is now not able to run right so she has to use my car. And my brother had to use my car to get to school before. It's also just better on gas then the truck.

-Sighs- And my relationship hasn't felt the same.. ;.; My boyfriend is back from Iraq for a few weeks.. And he hasn't changed.. but it feels different. I've been getting more scared to loose him. x.x; But he goes back for a couple more months... A year feels to long. I hate feeling this emotion, love.. >.> Never felt it before I met him but damn. Girly feelings. Go away. Me no like. I also feel like he doesn't want to go more into a relationship. And I wonder should I still stay with him. But I will 'cause I love him to much.

Ugh.. and my family doesn't help.. more so meaning aunts/cousins.. I hate being compared to them.. All skinny, got jobs, going to school now. I know I'm out of shape.. Don't need them talking behind my back mentioning 'I've gained weight' to my mom. :/ And this school stuff is getting annoying. Because they are all entering/going to college now I get hounded by my gramma and others asking 'when will I be going' and stuff. 'Oh you need college, can't do with out' I figure that. But it's not my thing. And I till them I will go when I'm ready. Just annoying to hear it every time I see them. And all this gossip and talking behind each other backs is so annoying.. They are all about looks and appearance. I even get talked about behind my back about how I dress. T-shirt and jeans. I see nothing wrong with it. But apparently it's not 'girly' enough. >.> More so when they say that I'm getting ' I don't want to be see around you, you don't dress nice enough or girly enough'. Uh.. thanks. -sighs-

... I think I'm done.. x.x;;
-stares at it all-
-withers away-