[Damies]

Rant inbound kinda hobby related but mostly mental health stuff....

My anxiety and depression are killing me lately. The reason I have so many different hobbies relates to my anxiety. If I have something to do I can drown out my anxiety for a little while and maybe even enjoy myself. So I've slowly dabbled in or dove head first into various hobbies.

However the last week or so I am almost unable to do anything because my depression is sapping my energy, which means I don't want to deal with setting up or cleaning up stuff. Which means I don't do any of my hobbies which means I wallow in a depressed anxious bundle in my bed wishing I could just stop malfunctioning or maybe even just die already.

I think the depression spike has to do with my house and the condition it is in. It's falling apart and I can't afford to fix it and even if I could why bother when it'll just get filled with mom's hoarded crap and end up getting run down again. I'd still have only one bedroom and a small corner of a spare room to house all my hobbies. We have a half finished and insulated garage(as in it's divided into a "finished" half and a gravel floored half with a wall and door between) but the garage is a joke as far as space for me again. I literally have all my garage stuff in about a 4x4 foot section of the shitty side of the garage and the rest of the 20x40 foot building is full of mom's hoarded stuff again. So I guess I feel like the house I live in and have lived in for nearly 17 years is not my home. It's just a shack I am stuck in forever.