[Merskelly Metalien]

;_; overheard my gramma and mum talking in the living room early this morning about my brother's friends being over last night and hanging out, and how he's got friends that go to more than one university, and they're all still in touch and get together to hang out and be in each other's company for a while..
and then mum defending me when my gramma thought I just wasn't friendly anymore because I don't like, you know, have friends. <x'}
Mum says I'm friendly and I can make friends, and I hang out with my brother and his friends sometimes, it's just that I'm more focused on work is all...

Can't help but feel like somehow they're onto me. >~>
And my trust issues.
And my social awkwardness.
And my introversion.
Sounds dumb, but I'm jealous of guys and their ability to somehow make long lasting friendships with other guys so easily. Even if they have that one friend, you know, that ONE friend? Who does and says stupid sh*t, or is the one that you can point out in a lineup? Not real jealous of that, but...all my friends don't keep in contact with me anymore. Feel like I'm stuck because I refuse to make friends when I feel like they're just going to forget me or take advantage of me..again. ;_; </3 I don't and have never had anything like special like what my little bro has...we're kinda best buds, but is it only because we live in the same house?..the thought makes my heart shrink up.