[Mekatra]

So I am writing the creation myth for the world I have made for my tabletop group. Anyone mind giving it a readthrough and letting me know what you think? This is only first draft so grammar and such is less my concern than if it makes sense and if you think it is interesting or not. <3

The creation of Zopela


Once when only energy existed, it gathered to a central location in the great void. These energies mingled and eventually gained consciousness. This great mass of energy became the first star, glowing brightly in an otherwise dark void of nothingness. With consciousness came thought, and as the star sat in the void it eventually began to wish for other things to see, other things to think about.

First, the great energy broke off part of itself and began to shape it. It compressed the energy into a ball and hung it in the void, pleased with this realization that it could create. The energy had a great many ideas for things it could create and could not decide on where to begin first. One voice within the consciousness wanted to create varying heights on the smooth ball of the planet and broke from the great mass of energy, becoming the second star. This star took on the responsibility of ward of the physical shape of the planet. They created vast mountains and deep trenches, taking great pleasure in making intricate designs upon the surface of the world. They created different types of terrain, rocks, sand, clay, dirt. This was Oteus, the land sculptor.

As Oteus focused on the shape of the world another voice deep within them began wanting another substance to work with. It grew tired of a surface that once made never changed, and broke from Oteus. This became Fothus, the third star. Fothus filled the low lying places of the world with a substance that moved and flowed. They dripped it from mountain tops creating waterfalls and the first rivers. They created a sky above the land to bring the water up into and created the first clouds, and with it the first rain.



The great energy watched this with interest, the many voices inside it all calling out their ideas loudly. One such voice saw flashes of something when the light from their energy hit Fothus's water just right. Fascinated, they pulled free. This was Unlan, the forth star. Unlan sank down against the land that Oteus has created and worked beneath the surface. The greater energy turned the planet around it in a slow circle so it could see the whole surface, watching for any changes, but for a time none came. Then, slowly at first, came green things snaking their way from the earth. Little tendrils worked their way through rock and earth. The oceans Fothus had created had leafy ropes swaying in their currents. Unlan proudly told the others to wait, for this was only part of what they had done. The newly born plants began to flower and riots of color covered Zopela. The other stars, and the voices inside the Great Energy, saw these colors and grew ever louder in their excitement to create.

Another voice broke away from the Energy then, and disappeared below the surface of the oceans. They had watched Oteus’s sculpting, and wanted to do so, but also they had watched the movement of Fothus’s waters and wanted to incorportate this. They desired to take Unlan’s colors, and put them on creations that they had sculpted, but could move. Thus, they first sculpted the creatures of the oceans. They delighted in the flashing dancing fins of tiny schools of fishes, strange coral dwelling beings covered in spines and frills. Once they felt they had filled the oceans, they moved to the land and created all manner of small beasts. They filled the sky with color on wing, and the land with strange things that crawled, leaped and slithered. This was Leara, who made the little creatures of the world.



At this time other voice watched the new creatures and asked if they could create some of their own. Leara shared with them the secrets of making their sculptures come to life, and the new star, Gedas, began to make very large creatures. First, they sculpted the mighty dragons, putting a great deal of power into them. They sculpted many other huge creatures, from the whales of the oceans to massive worms that burrowed in the sands of the deserts but they felt they never made another creature as impressive as the dragons.



Other voices within the great Energy noticed that the dragons had powers that the other creatures of the world did not, and three broke off all at once. These became Idos, Yhies, and Iaris. Thought, Speech and Action. The dragons wanted to know why they were the only beings with these powers, for they tried teaching the other creatures but they could not. Idos consulted with Gedas ad Leara, asking that they make more creatures that they could bestow their gifts upon, but the two explained they had used too much of their powers and showed that the light of their stars was not as bright at is once was. They could not make more powerful creatures. Idos went to the Great Energy and called to the other voices, encouraging them to use their power to make one type of being each so they could give them their gift.



Many voices heeded their plea, and thus upon the world came the intelligent species. Elves, Dwarves, Orcs, Halflings, Gryphons, Unicorns, all manner of sentient creatures, each the special singular creation of just one star. Yhies came to them each to teach them their own languages. Idos was pleased to see that languages gave the creatures an ability to share their idea, but sometimes they did not agree. Such is the nature of thought. Idos themself was a roiling mass of ideas, and as such was often conflicted. From deep inside them something split free, and anger was born into the world. This Anger, Sikias, went among the other stars until it came upon Iaris and demanded that they have action to match their own feeling. Iaris reluctantly split again, and thus fighting was created.



Another voice within the Great Energy watched as the anger and fighting spawned other small stars, illness, hunger, pain and worried for the creatures of Zopela. They gathered a great amount of energy to them, and broke apart. This new very large star reached down and took those that were suffering most off the world, pulling them out of the reach of the stars that caused them harm. This was Qhydes, and they brought death into the world. Qhydes keeps the secret of where the dead are taken after their life has ended.



More and more the voices within the Great Energy broke apart, filling the void with a great many stars. Each gave their gift to one of the intelligent species, or focused on a particular aspect of the world until the Great Energy was finally left with only one voice. They stayed, contented with their little world to watch as it rotated around them, and shared its energy and thus its light and warmth, with the creatures upon its surface.

I still have to come up with a name for the "Great Energy" and fiddle around with the wording in several places, but concept-wise do you think it is sound? Does it seem too similar to any other creation stories you have heard?