[Coda]

You sound a lot like me, honestly. I chose job and family over sleep for years, and I suffered for it.

Be very, very careful. You're putting yourself in a double bind (when you have to meet two separate requirements, but each requirement prevents you from fulfilling the other on a different level) and that's a ticket to long-term psychiatric problems.

I had a job that was ruining my life because of a bad environment and a bad manager, but I couldn't leave the job because of a penalty clause in my contract that would have ALSO ruined my life. It took having to leave a job with Google before I found out that this double bind was actually a life-alteringly traumatic experience that's severely screwed with my ability to do the things I used to excel at -- and it's possible that I might never fully recover. This is my life now, and I can only learn to deal with the new normal.

The good news is that double binds often have a way out if you look past the immediate conflicts -- you CAN'T solve it by trying to address the direct issues. I strongly encourage you to find such a third option, for your own health.