[Jurinjo]

I am afraid of my family's thoughts. Quite normally really in any family I think. I'm lucky my asian family is quite Americanized heh. But still the fear freezes me in indecision. Every time they catch hint I'm interested in something they talk about it like I'm going to pursue the interest and try to encourage me. They're not really bad. But because attention is on me I stop doing said thing for fear that now they know I could never be good enough or something. Like I'll fail in any pursuit. Whether they know it or not because if I pursue an interest they'll eventually find out. How will it be if they don't see it positively (which I doubt) or if I'm not doing a good job in their point of view? So I do what I've always done: what' I'm told. Knowing only the minimum of what I most know to do what's necessary for my every day life.

Hmm even if I know the reasons behind it the fear is somewhat irrational considering my family and the fact I'm being held back by this. Or maybe because this is becoming a self-diagnosis I am in a typical fashion victimizing myself. xP