Thread: My Poetry
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Default   #28   Suzerain of Sheol Suzerain of Sheol is offline
Desolation Denizen
Okay, read your story. Running on little-to-no sleep here, so I'm not sure I entirely apprehended what was going on, but the two parts where the narrator is listing of their thoughts were incredibly interesting and very well-written. So much so that I fear the rest of the piece suffers in comparison. It feels kind of plodding at times, repetitive at others, and maybe a little too "telling" (as opposed to showing) i.e. "this, then this, then that, then that happened".

Was worth the read for those two section alone, though. I find that sort of thing fascinating.
Cold silence has a tendency
to atrophy any sense of compassion
between supposed lovers.
Between supposed brothers.
Old Posted 01-25-2012, 05:37 PM Reply With Quote