[Suzerain of Sheol]

I'm curious as to whether you mean "caught my attention" positively or negatively. I was iffy on using that title.

As for the rest, well, for one thing, I seem to have gotten confused. I meant to post a different prose poem, I've never been terribly fond of that one. I wrote it on a whim in class and never really went back to it.

And I understand what you're saying. I'm not even sure what I meant by that line. The two clauses don't seem to fit together at all, and it's trite and, as you said, obvious, while at the same time making little sense.

As a very simple fix, what immediately springs to mind is to reword it to "Time is a fractured frieze..." though that still leaves it feeling somewhat disconnected from the rest. I'll have to think on it.

Thanks for commenting. :)