She relaxed alone in her dark bedroom, lights out, with nothing but a candle burning beside the bedstand as light. A book on her face, she simply lay quiet, in her nightgown. Her thoughts were beginning to swirl around her once again like an angry bee hive. She took a deep inhale and let out a long, quiet sigh.
“Hey. Where are you?” She called out to the darkness. A dark hand, with long slender clawed fingers, reached slowly up from underneath her bed, inching closer to her. She reached and felt down, touching the hand and pressing it against her quilt. “What’s wrong?” An eerily demonic sounding voice whispered from underneath her bed. She shut her eyes, pulling the book off her face to reveal tears on her cheek. “Damn it. I wet the pages…” she smiled sadly, letting the book lay open beside her. She rolled over, still holding the dark hand on her quilt and drying her damp face on her pillow. “Can you sleep?” The demonic voice asked her. After a long pause, and no reply from her, the dark entity swiftly slid out from under her bed and up onto it’s surface, surrounding her. In the dark, it’s red eyes glowed as bright as the candle beside her bedstand. She sat up, holding her knees to her chest and gritting her teeth in a despairing smile. “I fell asleep and had a very rude dream.” She explained. “Honestly…I thought I was over this.” With her long, soft blonde hair covering her face, she let out a shuddery deep breath to calm herself again. “Hmh. Guess not.” The dark entity replied, it’s eyes squinting slightly at her. “You don’t want to tell me your dream?”
“It was about him again.” She confirmed. At this, the entity slid over and around her, it’s thin shadowy arms engulfing her in an embrace from behind. This only made her sink into it’s hold and she let it comfort her. “I can’t promise you a dreamless sleep, but if you are tired, rest.” It told her.
“Skendus.”
“Yes?”
“I….I’m not alone in feeling this pain…right?”
“You are not.” It answered her. “You share this pain with many other humans out there.”
“…then why do I feel so lonely?”
“…books cannot replace despair for long.”
“Can you replace it?”
“hmh…would that I could. I’m sorry Aila. But you’ll just have to make do with my company for now.” The entity smiled, with a mouth full of sharp shadowy teeth.
“…thank you.” Aila sighed, opening her dark blue eyes with a look of emptiness but thankfulness.
“It’s what friends do.” Skendus warmly smiled, letting their special human cry silently in their arms.
“Is it?” Aila smiled though her tears, and shut her eyes, drying them. She then looked over at the candle burning on her bedstand, and with a quick exhale, she blew it out. In the darkness, Skendus grew larger and engulfed her in her own blankets and helped tuck her in bed, sliding back down underneath once more. She let her arm dangle off the side of her bed, her fingers relaxing down as she shut her eyes to rest and attempt to slip into the dreamless sleep she wanted so much.
All One Together (Alone)
I
Sirena
I had met her first in my dreams, but I had seen her face many times. I can remember thinking that she looked like me, despite appearing completely different. Her eyes weren’t my color, but they held the same look. Her lips were thinner and dryer than mine, but held the same sullen expression, the sides of them turned down. Her hair was long and turquoise in color, un-styled and unmatching, unlike mine. Though I have long bangs, hers hid her eyes more than mine every could. She was taller, lean, starved in nearly every way. She could have been a ghost. She would have been a lovely phantom, but she would have haunted my thoughts had she not been rescued, just as I was. The second time I met her, was the day she had tried to commit suicide...
“No-o! Nhh-! Stop-st! Stop! Nnh-! Ahh-! Nohh!”
“Heheheheh, this one’s got some spunk.”
“She’s real cute too!”
Sirena struggled against the two men, but they were strong and held her carefully, pinning her against one another. They held her arms and legs apart, and the man behind her groped her breast freely, while the other reached under her skirt. She was in the middle of a shady alleyway, with no one around. The men moved to position her in a corner of the alley where they were not visible from any street, and continued their assault.
“Stop-! Please-! Hahh, nnh-! Noooh! Let me go!” Sirena whimpered and screamed, struggling helplessly. She cried and trembled, resisting but unable to break free. She knew exactly what was about to happen to her. The man behind her hooked his head around her neck and snickered, holding her tightly for the other man. “Don’t worry babe. We’ll let you go after the fun is over.”
“She’s so easy.” His accomplice grinned, pressing up against her. “I think she wants it.”
“Mmm, I think you’re right. She’s not even calling for help.” The man behind her snickered. Sirena struggled against him, panting, crying, and trying to get out of his hold. She turned her head away, weeping quietly as one of them ran his hand through her long teal hair, smelling it and snickering. Sirena, in the deepest part of her small broken heart, simply wished they would get it over with and leave her soiled, used and broken in the darkness of the alleyway. She sensed no one would come to her rescue. No one would pay mind to her helplessness. And no one truly, ever cared about her. She stopped struggling, shut her eyes with a cry and went limp in their hold.
The men sensed her surrender, grunting as they held her up between them. “Hey hey, what’s this sweetheart, huh?” One of them snickered. “She really does want it!” The other snickered in triumph. Sirena felt them yank her panties down and hungrily grasp her. She struggled a little, with tears streaming down her lovely kelp brown eyes. She cried out weakly in despair. They ripped her top apart, leaving it open with her breasts in her bra exposed. She felt them rub and breathe and suck her skin all over, grunting in lustful display.
“What a babe.”
“We’re going to have fun with you!”
The man in front of her grinned and snatched her crying face by her chin, turning it to face him. “How about giving us a kiss, hmm? You wannit, don’t you?” Sirena turned away with a whimper as the man forcefully kissed her cheek and neck.
“Hey!” The man behind her suddenly barked. He was looking behind his accomplice down the edge of the alleyway. “You mind your own business pal!”
The accomplice turned to see who his partner was shouting at. Sirena almost didn’t care. She thought the man watching them would go about his way and forget what he saw. But the tight and firm hold on her let her know that her assaulters and would-be rapists, were concerned. She turned to glance down the alleyway and shivered nervously. The wind blew chills on her exposed skin, and cold moisture hung in the air. What she saw of the figure at the alley’s edge however, gave her a greater chill not unlike the arctic.
A tall man stood dressed entirely in black. He stood menacing, with a dark hood covering the likes of his face from view. Something about him made Sirena uneasy. It was almost as if she were face-to-face with death himself.
“Move along pal, nothing to see here.” The man in front of Sirena shouted at the dark man. He shifted in his place as all three of them watched the hooded man in black keep unsettlingly still. His presence was very much ominous, and Sirena felt strangely relieved. “What the hell is he doing?” The man behind Sirena asked his accomplice. “Hey! You! Asshole! I said get out of here!”
“You drunk?! We said beat it!” they growled at him.
Sirena looked at the dark man, as if he could see her own face and whispered through her tears. “Help me…” she trembled and tried to stay calm, waiting for the right moment to struggle in her captor’s hold. “Please…”
The dark man then took a step forward, walking slowly towards the two men. “Hey! No closer!” the man in front of Sirena shouted, pulling out a knife. The man behind her likewise pulled out a knife from his pocket and pointed the blade at Sirena’s neck. “Stop right there, or she’s dead!” They warned. The dark man took his last step closer and stood menacingly quiet. Sirena could see more of the mysterious man, now that he stood closer. Her eyes widened in shock and realization, looking into the darkness of his hood, and not detecting any sign of a face at all. Not even the sound of a breath. She only saw the back of his hood.
“You asked for it Asshole!” The man in front shouted at him before charging with his knife. The dark man simply moved aside, tripping him and swiftly catching him in his grip before slamming him to the ground. The man holding Sirena took his blade from her throat and pointed the knife at the dark man. “Woah, hey! Back off!” he warned. Sirena felt her opportunity and with a sudden jerk, she wrestled her way out of the man’s hold on her and got away. “Hey-!” He gasped, trying to grab hold of her again, but the dark man was too fast. In a flash, he was pounded into the wall and stabbed with his own blade. Getting up from the ground, the first man tried to plunge the blade into the dark man’s back. He soon met his end, with his neck slashed and bleeding on the ground once more. The tall man dressed in black then snapped the other man’s neck as he attempted to crawl away.
Sirena fled the alley end in fear, not daring to look behind her at the violent scene which had just unfolded. She ran, panting shakily as she tried not to stumble and fall. She saw the hood of the man cover absolutely nothing, as he was fighting off her attackers. What was most frightful was the unnatural way the man moved, seemingly without eyes. Sirena looked behind her just once, sensing no one following her before continuing her escape of the dark alleyway. A strong force suddenly halted her in her tracks. She looked in horror to see the hooded man in black right before her. His black gloved hand had stopped her from running into a dead end. Sirena trembled and backed away from him with a frightened, stifled cry. She leaned against one alley wall, beside a trash bin, sliding to the ground and pulling herself into a protective ball against it.
The dark man quietly and patiently waited for her to calm. He then walked forward to stand beside her. Though she thought she was being childish and rude for not thanking her rescuer, as he didn’t seem to want to harm her, Sirena was still so frightened. She felt something light touch her arm and peeked out. The dark man held her underwear on his gloved finger, down to her, returning them.
Sirena nervously took them and looked away in fear. She said nothing while she slipped them back on again and gathered her courage to look up at the dark man. She realized why she was so afraid. He had no head. It was only a hood, covering nothing but a shadowy black neck. She didn’t seem to understand how he managed to rescue her or look at her without any eyes, and yet she felt although he also had no ears, that she should thank him anyway.
“I’m…sorry.” She apologized. “I don’t know how to thank you. I don’t even know what you are…”
The man stood quiet and still. Sirena dried her tears from the rest of her face, shivering slightly. “I won’t resist if you actually want to kill me…” She sadly added. “I’d kill me too…”
The dark man reached up and slowly lay his hand atop her head. Sirena looked up with tears in her eyes. “You’re death, aren’t you?”
The man took his hand from her head and with his finger, gestured at her chest. He then pointed to himself and began to sign something with his hands. Sirena blinked her tears away and watched in confusion before realizing he wasn’t death at all. “Of course not…how stupid of me.” She somberly chuckled to herself. The dark man seemed to try explaining something to her through his hand motions. “I-I’m sorry. I-don’t underst-…Thank you for helping me.” Sirena told him before turning away. “Goodbye.” As she walked her way out of the alleyway and held her top and skirt together, she found the exit. The dark man quietly followed behind her, watching her as she walked. Turning a street corner, he suddenly nudged her away from it and tried to turn her around. Sirena tried again to go onto the next street but the headless man continued to stop her. “Let me go. Please, I need to go.” She told him. He would not let her pass.
“Please! I can’t be here anymore, I have to go!” Sirena told him, fighting back against tears and his arms again and again. She begged and huffed and tried to push past, but he refused to budge. The dark man blocked her way, and held her back with his hands on her shoulders. Sirena trembled, afraid. But not of the headless man holding her at bay. She was afraid of what he would try to do if he knew where she was going. The dark man held up one finger to her, and then his hand in a “stop” signal. Sirena didn’t want to move without knowing what he was trying to tell her, and yet, she knew it might be her only chance to get past him. He took his other hand from her shoulder cautiously, letting her go. As she was about to make her move, he suddenly pointed behind him at a nearby bridge, then turned to Sirena, pointing at her throat.
“What?” she squinted. The headless man signed something else with two fingers and then flipped his palms before returning to point at her and place his hand back on her shoulder. “I don’t understand.” Sirena tried explaining. After a moment, the dark man took his hand, showing it to her and pointing to his own chest before pointing to hers. He then took his finger and swirled it around between them once, front to back. “No…no I’m not interested.” Sirena sighed, stepping aside to walk past him. He let her walk four steps before coming behind her and holding her back from stepping onto the street. “Please-! Just leave me alone! Let me go-!” Sirena shouted, struggling to and trying to walk forward. He was very strong, but took care not to harm her as she struggled with all her might. “I need to leave. Please. I’m in too much pain!” She cried, struggling less and less. “You don’t understand! I can’t-…I can’t liv-e…with this much pain! If I don’t do this now, I might never have the courage to do it again…you have to understand! Please. You have to!” She wept, her long, soft teal hair covering her face. “I can’t do it…I can’t do it with you stopping me. Please…I just want to die.”
The dark man squeezed his arms around her and held her back to his chest, letting her cry. He held her even as she bit into his arm and hand and tried to hit him, kick him away, and elbow him. He held her even as she went limp and tried to collapse herself onto the pavement. He held her even as she screamed and shouted at him. Sirena soon realized she was being saved. She turned and cried into his thick black coat, grasping it to her face. “Why?” She groaned, her sobs growing quiet and calmer. “Why are you doing this to me? Why do you care?”
She then felt the dark man’s hand move from her back to her head, pressing it against him. She felt such protection from him, and it destroyed her. She felt her heart crumble to pieces and her body tremble uncontrollably. Nestling into his embrace, she just stood with him, letting her tears flow and flow. And the headless man stood with her, keeping her still and safe beside the dark, empty street. After a long moment, he slowly guided her back down the street and away from the bridge as it began to drizzle. He wasn’t her savior. He wasn’t even human. But a small part of Sirena’s small broken heart could tell at least, that he was something left behind. Just an abandoned fragment of something, or someone. She knew that the headless man was at least or at last, someone who did care for her. But she could not understand, why.
II
Shared Scars
“Quiet Jeeps!” Aila scolded her shrieking bird atop it’s cage. Someone was at the door knocking, and she was fixing her hair before touching the knob. She opened the door with the chain on it to see a young man standing at the front of the hall with a bouquet of flowers in his hand. “Hey.” He spoke sheepishly before the door slammed in his face. Aila rolled her eyes and groaned silently, about to simply lock the door and ignore him. “Aila. Please, open the door, I just wanna talk.” His voice, muffled through the door pleaded. She leaned on the door, her arms crossed and close to her ribcage. The last thing she wanted was for him to try to sweet-talk her into getting back together with him. Aila knew he was a liar, but he was charming when he wanted to be, and awfully adorable. But she was moving on, and showing up at her door undid all of her progress. With an angry groan she kicked aside the bin she kept in front of her door, unshackled the locks and tugged it open again.
“What are you doing here?” She quietly but coldly spoke. She tried her best to hold her composure and urge to leap back into his arms out of forgiveness he was not permitted to receive.
“I-I’ll be honest, Aila. I messed up.” He began, looking like a hurt puppy. “It wasn’t anything personal, and I really didn’t know how else to handle it, except- You know what? I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I’m sorry anyway.” He sighed, his arm, holding the flowers, suddenly dying off at his side. “I thought I could fix it, like I fix other things, so easily. But I know you’re special, and I can’t fix this. Only you can.”
“Seth.” Aila interrupted. She mustered up every molecule in her body and took a single breath. “You know I can’t do that. And as cliché as it sounds, this is not going to work out. I dumped you for good, and I said my goodbye. Why can’t you just leave it alone?”
“Because I love y-“
“DON’T. Pull the ‘love’ card out your ass, okay?” Aila snapped suddenly, pulling her tears back but just barely. “You said your apology. You want me back. I accept your apology, but tough luck. Now get out. I have work to do.”
“Aila. Come on-!“
“You are making this very difficult, and I really don’t need this right now, please. Just go.” Aila sternly told him. “If you’re not going to take me seriously, then don’t bother shutting the door behind you. I’ll do it for you.” She began to lightly cry, struggling not to show it in her voice. “And when you leave, don’t come back, okay?”
Seth silently nodded, sensing her resolve. He then turned to leave, heading out the door, his hand on the doorknob. “Will you miss me?”
“What the fuck do you think?” Aila sadly growled and shut the door behind him, locking it again. She then took a deep but shaky breath, calming her emotions, and drying her eyes.
“Eepeepeep.” Her bird Jeeps started to honk in his cage. Aila sighed, shutting her eyes, listening to the traffic outside her apartment window. “Great. Now I’m going to be thinking about him all day.” She scoffed before turning to retreat into the bathroom.
With the lights off, and no window, it was nearly pitch black.
She leaned against the sink counter, in front of the mirror, feeling a familiar clawed hand on her shoulder. From within the shadows, Skendus rose behind her. He was a slender, dark violet demon with curved short black horns, long, dipped ears and black spines around his face, neck, shoulders, back and arms. His red eyes peered at Aila through the mirror. “Not the morning I was prepared for.” She told him, half smiling, half sniffling.
“If it gets any worse, I’m here.” Skendus comforted. “Always here inside your shadow.”
“My brother was supposed to pick me up for breakfast.” Aila sighed, drying the new tears on her face before throwing her hand down onto the counter in a fist. “And my make-up is probably all fucked up. Ugh.”
“Heheh, want me to do it for you?” Skendus snickered with a sharp grin.
“You’ll rip my face up if you try.” Aila scoffed back with a smirk before reaching to turn the light on. Once she flipped the switch, Skendus shrunk back into her shadow, hiding under the sink cabinet. From inside the darkness of the cabinet, his voice was muffled. “It’s nothing I can’t fix.” Aila said, examining her face. “Just the sides..”
“Make sure you take what you need with you.”
“What are you, my mother?”
“Hmh! Ridiculous. You’re more mine.”
Aila finished touching up her eyes and stared at herself in the mirror, looking into her deep blue eyes. She could see all of the hope scarred into them and the pain from behind them. She also saw the person she wished she could reach out to and remove the heart from, to keep it safe, unbroken and pure. “Yes. In a way, I guess I am.” She agreed quietly. Affirming the sense of calm back, she closed her eyeliner and capped her lipstick, shutting the light off again and heading out of the bathroom to finish getting ready.
Inside, the diner was busy, noisy and already full of people in line to be served. Aila looked around with a tired look of contempt on her face. She then turned her eyes up to her brother, standing beside her in line. He looked back with his identical dark blue eyes, and held an uneasy and apologetic look. “Yeah, if it’s more than a 30 minute wait, let’s go somewhere else.” He sighed.
“Got a plan B?” Aila replied, crossing her arms. Her brother shrugged.
“We could go to Griddlers.” He tried. “Don’t know how busy they’ll be.”
“Griddlers is fine.” Aila said. “Are you real hungry?” she added.
“Not really yet.” Her brother confessed. “I had an emergency apple before I came to pick you up.”
“Let’s go to Griddler’s.” Aila said, turning away in the line, holding her back close. “I’ll drive.”
Her brother merely followed behind, politely telling the people behind them they were next, and holding the door for them.
In the parking lot, Aila walked past a family of three, their little boy looking right at her and pointing, as they tried to move away from her. “Mommy! Mommy look at her!” he loudly alerted. “Yes, I know sweetie. Don’t point.” His mother told him, guiding him in front of her. Aila simply rolled her eyes and smirked, getting into her brother’s dark gold car while he got into the passenger seat.
His name, ‘Rian’ was etched on a mini-license plate keychain attached to the car key in her hand. She had to readjust everything since he was a foot and a half taller than her. Despite her smirk, Rian sensed his sister seemed a more tense which did not compliment her usual quiet and unguarded mood. He was usually good at picking up on her mannerisms. “Have you seen the new episodes of Scorch yet?” he asked her.
Aila stopped backing out of the parking space and looked at him, immediately suspicious. “No. Why?” she continued, backing out safely and slowly. “Just wondering.” He returned. “Thought you liked that show.”
“I do.” Aila affirmed, and she made her way onto the street, turning on her left signal.
“Okay.” Rian yawned. “I won’t spoil anything then.”
“You can go ahead. It’s not like I’m gonna get back to it anytime soon. And it’s like 18 episodes.”
Aila made her turn and drove down the street, heading towards the nearest onramp.
“I thought we were going to Griddler’s?” said Rian. He saw her miss the street which went straight to the diner.
“We’ll go to the other one. In Muro.” Aila explained, getting onto the onramp. Her hands gripped the steering wheel and she quietly joined the flow of traffic. “Maybe it’ll be less busy.”
Rian saw the girl up ahead from the passenger seat, quickly jerking forward to grab the steering wheel from Aila. “Hey hey! Stop stop stop!” Aila saw her next, honking her horn and scraping the tires against the road, burning their rubber as she stomped on the brake. She was about to hit her, but stopped right in front of her, cars behind honking angrily and rushing past.
The girl looked like a doe in headlights, her large brown eyes filled with tears but halted their crying to look in shock at her life spared. Her long teal hair covered her shoulders and she seemed shaken, as she struggled to back away.
Their hearts racing, Aila and Rian quickly got out of the car. “Oh my god! Hey! Are you alright?” Rian began, showing concern on his face. Then Aila stomped forward, with tears in her own eyes and her arms quivering as she pulled the girl aside, to get out of traffic as far as possible. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?!” she shouted at her. “You could’ve been hit! What are you crazy?!”
“I was…I was trying to…” the girl quietly spoke, unable to finish her sentence, as her frustrating despair returned and twisted her expression into one of pain. She sank down to the ground, squatting and holding herself as she began to cry. Taken aback, Aila just stared at her, still upset, but silenced. Something about her seemed familiar and it was a strong feeling. Rian stepped in, stooping down to the girl, and comforting her. “It’s okay. It’s alright.” He soothed. “Aila, get her some water from the trunk.” Aila went and opened the trunk retrieving the water bottle for her and gave it to Rian. “Think you should call the police, so they can come help her.” He suggested. Aila watched the girl’s reaction as it only made her cry even more. She estimated the girl to be no older than 18. Rian helped to calm her down, letting her sob in his arms. “Hey, hey it’s alright. Okay? What’s your name?” he asked warmly.
“…Sirena.” She answered, drying her face to make more room for future tears.
“You wanna tell us where you live?” Aila asked, looking down at her. “Hm.” Sirena murmured, shaking her head.
“What? You don’t want to say?” Rian asked.
Sirena looked down at Aila’s shadowy black boots and her shadow itself, joining the car’s shadow on the concrete. She noticed somehow that Aila’s shadow was darker than the car’s, rubbing her eyes when she thought she saw some red eyes peering out from behind her heel.
“I don’t live anywhere…” Sirena told them, sniffling. “I’m running away…but he doesn’t understand! I don’t want his help.” She began to sob again. “Who? Who’s help?” Rian tried. Sirena sobbed harder, pushing away from Rian and started to stand up again. She gasped looking down at Aila’s feet, as an inhuman face seemed to peer up at her from the shadows. Aila moved to block her from running back into the highway traffic.
“You’re not ruining my Saturday breakfast.” She frowned. “And the police always seem to be busy with anything else but people trying to commit suicide.” Aila folded her arms as Rian protested. “Aila, just call them!”
“Rian, don’t!” Aila shouted. “She just said she doesn’t want help.”
Sirena pleaded with Aila, trembling. “I’m sorry I tried to-, I can’t-, this, I’m so scared, okay? I don’t know what to do anymore!”
“Are you gonna help us understand or are you gonna try to run into traffic again?” She asked her sternly.
“I won’t run, I promise.” Sirena shook her head. She stepped away from Aila’s shadow nervously. Aila’s eyes noticed her looking at her feet. She stepped closer, as Sirena stepped back and folded her arms.
“You see him?” she asked.
“Huh?” Sirena’s eyes darted back to Aila. Rian was calling the police station regardless of Aila’s insistence.
“You see him don’t you?” She spoke to Sirena, moving her foot. “Don’t freak out.” She added. “He’s not nearly as evil as he looks.”
“I never claimed to be.” Came a shadowy demonic voice from the ground. Sirena blinked in disbelief, fixated on the shadowy demon stuck behind Aila’s boot. With a swift but comforting hold on her shoulder, Aila faced Sirena, taking a closer look at her eyes and her face. “You’re her. I’m sure of it.” She nodded, squinting her eyes. “I knew I’ve seen you before. I just didn’t think you existed.”
“What is happening to me?” Sirena asked, sighing nervously and running her hand through her hair. “Am I losing my mind?”
“Rian! Hang up already! She’s okay.” Aila shouted to him.
“There’s only 2 callers ahead of me now!” Rian shouted back.
“Rian! Nevermind!” Aila insisted, guiding Sirena to the car and into the backseat. “You wanna drive us to Griddler’s? I’m sure we’re all hungry by now.”
She looked at Sirena and gave her the water bottle for her to hold. She took it, looking nervous and ashamed. “You wanna know what’s going on with you, right?” Aila asked her. Sirena nodded. “You wanna know why you can see him?” Aila asked, motioning to her shadow with her eyes. Sirena nodded again, hesitantly. “…okay. I’ll tell you.” Aila assured her. “After you tell me where yours is.”
“After I tell you where my what is?”
“Your Scardian.”
“My what?”
“Scardian.” Aila repeated, getting into the backseat with her. Rian got into the driver’s seat, readjusting everything. Aila stopped talking, shutting the door and sitting beside Sirena as she put her seatbelt on. “What’s a Scardian?” she asked her, still clutching the water bottle. “Hey. Are you sure you’re alright?” Rian asked her, turning around. “You want us to call anyone?”
Sirena shook her head. “No thank you.” She answered.
“Okay, but please let us leave you somewhere safe okay?” Rian insisted.
“Just drive already. I’ll put some music on.” Aila told him, taking the AUX cable from the front passenger seat and setting up her phone to it. Rian drove from the side of the highway and got back into the flow of traffic. “I still think we should call someone.” He told Aila.
“Later. Let’s just get her some food and some basic human company first.” Aila returned, her eyes cold but compassionate. She turned to look at Sirena, who was lost in thought, while some classic rock era music played on the stereo.
“This is Skendus.” Aila spoke, turning Sirena’s attention to her back against the seat. Sirena tried not to seem alarmed as she leaned away from a sharp, long clawed, shadowy hand emerging from Aila’s back. “Skendus, this is Sirena.”
“Ahh, yes, the girl from your dreams.” He quietly hissed. “Ohh, she won’t shake my hand.” He added, slinking back into her shadow and away from Sirena.
“That’s fine. I wouldn’t shake your hand either.” Aila muttered quietly, before typing something on her phone. She then showed it to Sirena, who read it to herself silently. “Skendus is my Scardian. I came up with his name and the name for the other demon looking things I’ve seen following people. They’re like guardians, and their job is to protect and help repair you.” She gave Aila’s phone back to her after typing in a question. “Why do they follow you?”
Aila read her question, typing back her response.
Rian then spoke up.
“You ever been to Grizzler’s, Sirena?”
“N-no I don’t think so.” Sirena answered.
“I think you’ll like it. It’s one of our favorite breakfast places.” Rian smiled kindly, watching the road. “Me and Aila used to go with our mom and dad when we were little, and we got free pancake volcanoes on our birthdays.”
“Oh. Nice.” Sirena nodded. Aila gave her back her phone with her response. Again, Sirena read it silently.
“I think it’s because they are the pieces of us that were hurt, destroyed, and broken. Anytime you feel pain or suffering, from the past or the present, they appear to help alleviate you or guide you through it. They are connected to us directly, and in a way, we are responsible for their existence, even if we never meant for them to exist. They can’t die, and they can’t be seen by people who have not encountered a certain threshold of trauma or pain. The fact that you can see Skendus, tells me that either you have had your heart broken, or worse. I have seen you in my dreams before, and there’s no doubt that you have created a Scardian. I want to know why it’s not with you.”
Sirena finished reading and took a deep breath, quietly releasing it. She typed, “I want to get away from him. He keeps trying to get in my way, and I can’t even talk to him.”
“I think you’ll like it. If you like breakfast, Grizzler’s is the place for breakfast. I just hope it’s not crowded since it’s a little late in the morning..” Rian kept speaking as he drove, but eventually just put on the radio for some music, and began humming.
Aila typed back in response to Sirena. “What does he look like?”
Sirena typed back. “He’s tall, in a dark cloak. Looks like a grim reaper, but has no head.”
Aila paused for a minute. She turned to her shadow, showing Skendus the phone. He replied with a shadowy, “Nope. Doesn’t sound like anyone I know.”
“I’ve tried talking to him.” Sirena quietly told her, looking down. “I don’t even know if he understands me…he uses some kind of sign language, and I have no idea what he’s trying to tell me.”
“Maybe he can write?” Aila tried. “If you gave him a pen and paper? Or a phone?”
“I’m…I’m afraid of what he’ll write.” Sirena admitted. “I don’t want to read that he’s someone I might know..” She then gave Aila her phone back. “Here.”
Aila took back her phone and leaned back, her arm against the door rest. She looked at Sirena with both pity and frustration. She turned to look out the window at the traffic passing by.
“You know, I’d be pretty afraid if I knew someone like that was following me.” She admitted.
Sirena’s eyes looked up at her from behind her curtain of hair, her head not moving.
“She didn’t even seem too scared about me either, heheh.” Skendus chuckled darkly.
“Her Scardian can’t speak with her like you can.” Aila said quietly. She glanced over at Sirena and then back at the window. “Her eyes look like a wasteland.”
“Yesss. You’re in a pretty bad place. Aren’t you?” Skendus finished, looking up at Sirena.
“I know that look better than anyone.” Aila told her.
“Here we are!” Rian chimed, pulling into the diner’s driveway parking lot. “Grizzler’s! Look, and the line is only like, two people!” Sirena looked out at the restaurant and then back at Aila, who had not broken her gaze from the window. Aila then took off her seatbelt and looked back at her with a soft but cold gaze.
“It’s the look of helpless misery.”
III
Bear
Sirena stood with Aila in her apartment shortly after breakfast in the afternoon. During the meal, she had managed to share with Aila and Rian about her predicament. Sirena had been living in a poor neighborhood with little means to food and shelter from her abusive step-father and neglectful mother. She had illegitimate younger brothers, who fought with one another, and teased Sirena constantly. Her job was to cook and clean and entertain them, while her father did nothing but fix cars, drink and verbally shout at her and her mother. Her mother’s job was to lay in bed, wasted and unable to defend herself. Sirena ran away from her home a few years before things would eventually take a turn for the worst, and her step-father left the family, taking his sons with him, but not before allegedly killing Sirena’s mother.
Sirena just walked the streets, and kept to herself, going hungrier and lonelier by the day. She eventually turned to prostitution, even though she was only 16, just to make some money so she wouldn’t starve. She hated it, but she had to do it. And she sometimes ran from a customer she didn’t like, making her boss upset and as a result, he would set her up with customers he knew to be far worse. Sirena took what money she could and left the city she lived in, trekking under cover of darkness and into places where she knew she felt she would be safe. She had no home to go back to, and no relatives she knew of that would even want anything to do with her. Seeing as she was the most alone anyone could possibly be, Aila offered to give her shelter at her apartment, at least for a little while. Sirena agreed, still unsure as to why anyone so strange would show her such kindness. Rian had driven to his own place, where he would be busy making dinner and watching his favorite TV show with his girlfriend. Aila took care of Sirena’s clothes, letting her shower and stay in her bedroom. There, she listened to the rest of what Sirena had to say.
“It was the last night under a full moon that I decided I didn’t want to continue living. I cried alone in an alleyway. I didn’t think anyone would hear me, or see me, or even care.” She explained, hugging her knees to her chest. “There were these two shady men. At first, they began to comfort me. And told me not to cry. But, I knew from the start what they really wanted.” Sirena’s eyes began to water and she held herself with a gulp deep in her throat. “I-…I felt like…..my heart had been destroyed.” She shivered, trying not to sob uncontrollably and sound unintelligible. Once she found her calm, she spoke again. “And…my body felt as if it could crumble, if it weren’t physically held together. I wanted to die. That’s all I could think of wanting. I wanted it so much...It felt like the whole world wanted it too…”
“And then?” Aila patiently prompted, sitting in her hanging chair. Skendus loomed over her in the shadows, listening as well.
“Then I…” Sirena sniffled. “I-…I saw him.”
“The dark man?”
“I didn’t see him against the wall before…he just…appeared. Looking menacing.” She explained, drying her face. “He saved me…he just…killed those two guys and…followed me. I thought- I thought I was already dead. And he was death himself. But…he was urging me away from the bridge where…I wanted to jump. And, he wouldn’t let me go…I was so scared that he was going to stop me from doing it. And he did. Why?...Why did he have to just stop me? I don’t understand..”
Aila placed her hand on the side of her netted chair, touching the rope by Skendus, and swinging in place. “A Scardian can’t allow you to commit suicide.” She told Sirena. “I think it’s because if you die, they can’t accomplish their goal. Skendus here has saved me from multiple attempts.”
“Sometimes it’s easy, sometimes it’s not.” He chimed in, with his sharp grin etched on his shadowy face.
“Your Scardian is out there. His only goal is probably to protect you. I can’t tell you for sure.” Aila told her shaking her head. “You’d have to communicate with him.”
“But, I don’t want to.” Sirena nervously sighed. “I don’t even know if I want him around. I was doing fine on my own.”
“You really weren’t.” Skendus scoffed.
“Be nice.” Aila hushed before speaking to Sirena again. “Sirena. If you don’t try and communicate, I’m going to have to do it for you. Your Scardian isn’t just going to vanish because you want it to.”
“We Scardians are born from darkness and molded from the human emotions of one’s past. And it is impossible to flee from one’s past. We find our poor souls, no matter where they try to hide.” Skendus explained, slithering up to the ceiling. “Can’t escape us, just as you cannot escape yourself.”
“But if I tried hard enough, I could die, couldn’t I?” Sirena sadly replied. “Then he would just vanish, right?”
“Unfortunately, no.” Aila bluntly spoke, crossing her arms. “Scardians, without their humans will be left to claim their soul and chain it to this earth forever. What do you think ghosts are?”
“Ah…ghosts? Are just-” Sirena began, blinking her thoughts into organization.
“They’re the fragments of soul a Scardian has clung to in the hopes that they might reunite with it, but in the process the soul is damaged and kept from recycle, or rebirth. If you die,” Aila sighed. “you’ll be here for a very long time, unable to even speak, or breathe, or eat, or sleep. You’ll be more trapped than you are right now.”
“Then…then what do I do?” Sirena sorrowfully held herself on the bed. A knock at the front door then alerted them all. Aila got up from her seat.
“I’ll go see. Stay here.” She said, pulling her robe together and walking to her door.
Sirena looked up at Skendus, on the ceiling but staying close to the doorframe to the bedroom.
“I-I thought you couldn’t leave her shadow.”
“Oh, I can part from her any time I want.” Skendus grinned. “It’s my duty to stay close that’s all.”
Aila unlocked the door and opened it slowly. “Oh.” She simply said, stepping back a bit.
In walked the tall, headless man in his long black, hooded coat. Aila’s bird began screeching once more in alarm at the man. Sirena immediately got up from the bed and hid herself in the bathroom, locking the door.
“Hey-! Ugh.” Skendus grumbled, watching her barricade herself, before slithering down the ceiling and over to Aila. “Who is it-?” he asked before becoming silenced at the mere presence of the dark man. Skendus instinctively coiled around Aila protectively, eyeing the dark man sharply. Aila just held her hand onto Skendus’ shadowy body, and looked up at the man, whose hood seemed to follow her, despite him not having a head or face to fill it. She slowly moved back towards the door, and shut it carefully. The man silently just stood.
“Ahh, you’re here to help. Aren’t you?” Aila spoke. “You’re Sirena’s Scardian...right?” The man kept unnervingly still. Skendus held his ground, eyeing the man and sharpening the black spikes on his body.
“She ran and hid in the bathroom from him.” He told Aila.
“Okay…well..I can see why.” Aila scoffed nervously. She held her hands up and moved over to her table slowly to calm her bird Jeeps, and place a towel over his cage. Once at the table, she took out a pen and her notepad in the shape of a burrito and slid it over towards the dark man. He didn’t seem to even glance at it. Aila waved her hand in front of him but he did not seem to move much.
“What’s his deal?” Skendus hissed quietly.
“I’ll try to get him to write. Why don’t you go see if Sirena’s okay?” Aila whispered back.
“You’re sure..?” Skendus asked, slowly uncoiling and gliding against the wall and down to the floor.
“I’ll be fine.” Aila nodded, not taking her eyes of the dark man.
She offered for him to sit down beside her at the table, and pointed to the chair in front of her. “You can sit if you want.”
The man began to sign something with his hands to Aila, but it went by too fast. “Sorry, um…I don’t sign.” She tapped the burrito notepad. “Could you-?” she made a writing motion with her hand. The dark man looked at her hand and copied the gesture.
“Yes. Write?” She tried, patting the table with the pen and notepad. The man put his hand on the table and felt around, sensing the notepad with his gloved fingers and picking it up with the pen. Aila stared less nervously and more curiously. She wasn’t sure if he could actually see. He then began to scribble something on the notepad, then hand it back to her. Aila stared at the notepad, squinting at what he had inked in. “I-..uhh…this isn’t English…” she shook her head before looking back up at him, taking the pen from his hand and using it to write. She then stopped, wondering if her could even read. She sighed and put the pen and notepad down on the table. “Let’s try something else.” She hummed, tapping her cheek in thought.
In the bathroom, Sirena sat in front of the door, hugging her knees, and closing her eyes. Skendus crept through, under the door and through her own shadow, manifesting under the sink to her.
“You aren’t seriously scared of this guy Sirena, are you?” he asked her in his eerie demonic whisper. She simply nodded and hugged her legs closer, her unseen eyes tearing up.
“Ohh, come now. Sooner or later, you have to face him. He’s not going to do anything you don’t want him to.” He assured her, reaching his skinny shadowy arm up to turn the bathroom light off. Manifesting more comfortably in his full form, Skendus slid around Sirena and parted her arms from her legs carefully. “He…reminds me of someone..” Sirena confided, drying her eyes and trying not to tremble. “…someone I lost..”
“We take the forms of your pain in the most poetic and ironic of ways sometimes..” Skendus told her.
“Take Aila for example…her pain is very strong, sharp, echoing, and only seen in the most hidden and unassumingly darkest of places. And as such, I reflect that appropriately. Even down to the cracked hole in my center. She is not the first to bear such pain, and there are Scardians very similar to myself I’m sure, but never identical. Isn’t it interesting then, that yours is headless and yet so large and frightfully dark? It seems to me like your own pain must be reflected as such. The fact you are trying to abandon him is actually rather common. No human wants their suffering to linger, and they will abandon anything that reminds them of that suffering...be it photographs, love letters, gifts…many humans attempt to erase memories themselves, without much success.” He explained before gently patting her head with his long claws pointed away.
“But Sirena…your Scardian is a part of yourself, and he wants to help you, even if you feel you don’t want to help yourself. Because that is his purpose.”
“Why?” Sirena asked. “Why would he want to help me? After what I told him? After I ran away from him?”
“We aren’t human, silly girl.” Skendus chuckled. “Do you think we need to have any good reason to care for the beings we came from?” He then slithered under her shadow and pushed her from the door, nudging her from the darkness. “Stand up. You can do that much, can’t you?”
Sirena stood up in front of the door, holding herself in the darkness. “I don’t…I won’t know what to say..” She sighed.
“Just say what you want to say.” Skendus whispered from behind her, holding her shoulders and turning her towards the bathroom door. “Why are you helping me if you’re not even my..my Scardian?” she asked.
“Because Aila wanted me to, and so I did.” He grinned back with his sharp teeth, nudging her to the door. “By now, she’s probably figured out how to communicate with your Scardian. I don’t sense she’s in any trouble at all. Let’s go see, hm?”
“…okay.” Sirena hesitantly nodded, feeling the door and moving closer, her hand on the knob.
“Skendus?”
“Yes?”
“What does your name mean?”
Skendus grinned brightly in the darkness, his red eyes peering down at her. “It means ‘one who replaces the heart’.”
“Really?”
“No.” He scoffed, opening the door for her and gently but quickly pushing her out, shutting the bathroom door and locking it behind her.
Sirena looked over at the front room, staying in place just outside the bathroom, and watched as Aila tilted in her chair, looking over at her. Her eyes narrowed and she turned her head back before sighing. “I thought this was supposed to be easy.” Skendus made his way under the dark door, up onto the ceiling and back to Aila. “No luck?” he whispered, eyeing the dark man.
“No…he can’t read…he can’t speak…he can’t even see.” Aila grumbled. “And I can’t understand him! It’s frustrating. I’m beginning to sympathize with Sirena.”
“Let me see?” Skendus hummed, as Aila slapped the notepad in his face. He took it, blinking as he placed a claw on the scribbles the man had made. “It says, ‘my master soul is here’.”
“You can read that nonsense?” Aila raised a brow.
“It’s not nonsense.” Skendus squinted at her. “It’s Scribanima. The language of souls. Didn’t I tell you about this?”
“Maybe, I wasn’t listening.” Aila shrugged. Skendus took the notepad and looked at the dark, quiet headless man. He then took the pen from his hand and ripped the page from the notepad, and wrote on a new one, using the pen between his palm and first clawed finger. “Are you…belonging to Sirena?” He spoke as he wrote, and then handed it back to the man. The dark, hooded man looked at the notepad and nodded, pointing silently at Sirena.
Aila and Skendus followed his finger to see Sirena at the doorframe, leaning against it nervously and watching them all. She saw the man who had been following her since she first encountered him, and clenched her hands. Though he had no face, she almost felt as if he did, and the emotion conveyed on that face, was hurt.
“Sirena. I think we figured out how you can connect with your Scardian.” Aila lightly smiled, gesturing her to come out. Sirena slowly ventured from the doorframe and closer to her than the man, looking away, rather ashamed. Skendus scribbled some more on the notepad, pushing it back to the dark man and getting his attention again. The dark man held the notepad close and sadly lowered his hood before placing the notepad back onto the table and taking the pen from Skendus. “What did you write?” Aila asked. The man scribbled and scratched the notepad with the pen, stopping at the end of a stroke and laying the pen down. Skendus read from the notepad, looking over the table. “He..says he’ll be glad to accept one.” He explained futher, looking at Sirena and Aila. “I asked him if he had a name…all Scardians have names…but this big guy doesn’t seem to have one…”
Aila turned to Sirena. “Then…I think Sirena should give him one.” Sirena looked over at the notepad, noticing the scribbles on it. They didn’t look like words at all, or any sort of intelligible or made up language. She then looked at the dark man, with sorrow in her eyes. The man patiently and silently seemed to look back. He then reached his hand across the table to her, his palm up. “Sirena? What do you think?” Aila said. Sirena looked at his hand and then his deep hood, empty and black. “I don’t know…I don’t know what to name him.” She admitted, holding her hands under the table. “You have to try.” Aila sighed. “He’s your Scardian, I can’t name him for you.”
Sirena looked at his gloved hand and nervously placed her hand on the table, sliding it closer to his. She then placed her hand in his, holding it. She felt a surge of love strangely echo in their palms and a sense that she was holding her own hand instead. Sirena shut her eyes. The darkness, the pause and the hand in hers combined, made her recall a past memory about something else she had treasured and lost. She stood in that moment, not letting it progress to the loss, and keeping her mind upon the warm, comforting past. She then opened her eyes, and they traveled back up to the dark man as she spoke. “Bear.”
The dark man’s shoulders seemed to relax, and his hood tilted slightly. He seemed surprised. Silently he took his other hand and placed it atop hers. Sirena felt a smile sneak onto her face as she did the same. “Is it okay if I call you that?” she asked him. The dark man simply nodded once. Sirena looked at the note pad and softly took her hands from the man’s, looking at the scribbles. “I don’t know if we’ll be able to understand one another Bear…but, I hope we can one day.” She said a little hopeful. Bear used his hands to sign something and then pointed to the notepad. He wrote something in scribbles with the pen again, with Skendus peering down to read and translate it. “He says, ‘I can teach you to talk with your hands, even though I can feel what you say….this…sign..means-’?”
Bear placed his arms across his chest crossed and made scratching motions with his hands.
“It means ‘Bear’.” Skendus grinned. Bear then excitedly took to the notepad again and wrote in scribbles for a good amount of time. “Uhm. I don’t need you to teach me everything right now.” Sirena tried speaking up. Aila looked up at Skendus. “What is he writing?”
“Hang on hang on.” Skendus quietly hissed, trying to read the scribbles on the notepad. Finally, Bear stopped writing and set the pen down, looking at the table. Skendus picked up the notepad in his clawed hand and read from it.
“’I am sorry I couldn’t find you as fast as I should have been able to..I hope for your forgiveness..’ and ‘I don’t know what to do without you. I don’t want to scare you…please know I am devoted..’… ‘I am devoted to bringing you to the place where pain is alleviated…it is not death yet…it is the garden.’ Garden?”
They all looked at Bear, who retrieved something from inside his hood. He pulled out a small seemingly dying branch of indigo flowers, which Sirena immediately recognized. “That’s! Those are bluebells!”
Bear handed the bluebells to Sirena, who took them gently in her hands and stared at them with affection. She then began to feel tears fall from her eyes as she looked at them. “How did you-? Where did you find these?” She sniffled, looking up at Bear. He began to sign with his hands but stopped himself, turning to the pen and notepad to scribble his answer down. Skendus translated. “These will be in a special garden I will help you create…these flowers…the ones that remind you of…joy…of Aiden.”
“Aiden?” Aila blinked looking at Sirena. “Who’s Aiden?”
Sirena quietly held the bluebells in her lap and began to sob, unable to answer. Bear looked at her with seemingly calm concern, before writing down on the notepad and pushing it towards Skendus. He read it aloud, translating. “..someone who her heart treasures the most…he no longer is…living.”
Aila watched as Bear got up from his seat and walked over to Sirena quietly, peering down at her from the tableside. She looked at her with a solemn expression, saddened that she could not sympathize much, and comfort her. Skendus swiftly slithered beside Aila, matching her expression. “I see..” Aila breathed, looking down.
Bear carefully lingered closer to Sirena and placed his hand upon her shoulder, which shook as she sobbed. She began to lean in her seat and could not fight her urge to turn to him. Bear held her to him as she gripped his coat and wrapped her arms around him, sobbing into him, with the bluebells still between her fingers. He let her cry, just as he had before when they had first encountered one another. Only this time, through her tears she accepted his comfort, and acknowledged him as her own Scardian.