[Suzerain of Sheol]

Originally Posted by RinLin

It's all fiction, but I wouldn't be surprised if there was a similar story somewhere.'

As it so happens, a cousin to whom I was very close was an absolute genius of a writer and died of myocardial heart failure in his early 20s, I helped his family get his works published, but he was a miserable cynic like me and his works weren't very uplifting, unlike your character's. Don't think we ever sold a single copy.

Regarding your story, there were a few issues that prevented me from really enjoying it. Namely, the narrator has basically no character, which makes their experience fall flat to the reader. They're just stating facts about events that happened like they're giving a report, it isn't the sort of writing that invokes emotion. The way you handle the passing of time, cramming many years into a story that's barely two pages long, makes it feel very detached.

Secondly, there's quite a few implausible details. A two-year hospital stay, even for a devastating amputation like that, is straining credibility. It's probably petty to raise a "realistic" concern like this, but my 6-month hospital stay racked up almost a million dollars in expenses. That family must have some amazing insurance. Hospitals generally do their best to get patients out as soon as possible, though home nursing is often involved, yes. I don't know the specifics of recovery from traumatic leg injuries, but I wouldn't think that past the first couple months there'd be all that much the hospital could do for her.

Related to that, though, I also don't understand why she dies. As in, what actually kills her, it isn't clear. It also seems like a cop-out to have her "die peacefully in her sleep", was she sedated on drugs? Did she suffer a catastrophic cerebral hemorrhage in her sleep? It just seems extremely convenient, and frankly since you specifically asked for this kind of feedback, it massively lessened the impact of her death for me. It reads like she was at peace with it and she didn't suffer. If she was wracked by agonizing pain for months, slowly losing more and more of her faculties and eventually succumbing to organ failure, I'd be more sympathetic to the tragedy of her death. Or, hell, if she'd just gotten splattered by that car and not subsisted in a strung-out living death, it would have hit a lot harder.

Anyway, the final thing I wanted to mention was the... verisimilitude of a 14?-year-old girl's post-traumatic rambling being some sort of sage-like wisdom gaining mass popularity. Have you ever looked at the writing of 14-year-olds? If we're being blunt about it, that poem at the end isn't exactly uplifting me to a higher plane of spiritual consideration on life.