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#2
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DarkForbidden-Love
Person, what Person?
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I like it and I have only two negatives that don't really count because they are personal preference.
The first sentence did not draw me in. If I saw that as a beginning sentence in a book I'd probably skip to the center because it did not draw me in.
In the third paragraph, last couple of sentences, where really repetitive. It might be easier to say "She took one step after another." or "Her feet hit the ground in a repetitive motion, these where her first steps into the unknown."
And I think you should continue because so few people write good fantasy anymore and it seems rather promising.
Puppy to Asami
Gallagher is Nursy~
Broken Muse is my girlfriend
And Ducky is awesome!
Quote:
That is the general nature of things! An equality, a mutal need!
What? To kill and be killed? To love and to feed? That is what you support! There is no equality between the pet and the master.
-Elizabeth & Jason (From The Thirteenth Season)
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Posted 12-17-2011, 08:30 PM
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