[Apagracia]

dear diary,
i wish there was a pause button on the world. or a way of saying "back off!" without coming across as a rude, self-centered brat. right now i'm not even sure i exist except as an extension of someone else. always x's friend, or y's sister, or z's daughter, and never, ever, EVER me. i don't make sense any more, not to anyone, even me. i think i've finally gone round the bend. welcome to Nutsville, population: Gracey.
right now it's all i can do to just hang on until the wedding, 'cause i CAN'T pull out now. i made a promise that i would support my best friends as they exchange their vows, and i'm going to honour that promise. but afterwards... afterwards, i don't know.
i feel like i'm missing some vital piece of information that'd make everything make sense. like i'm staring at an equation where all the constants are wrong and the variables are unfindable...
i wish i knew what to do, and where to look for help, but i think i'm beyond all that now.
i can't think any more, all i can do is feel, and all i feel is pain. i want it to go away.