[Wicked]

Oh sweetie! I wish I could pick you up and take you in to see someone. Right NOW.
I'm really worried. I don't know anything about those types of meds but when you're watching commercials for stuff like that - it always says there's an "increased risk of thoughts of suicide in some patients" and to contact your doctor if your depression worsens. Only I know that's not really an option for you right now and in addition to the logistics of getting in to see someone you've had bad expierecnces and.. and oh.. this sucks!

You said there isn't much you can do to occupy your time?

I have a few ideas about that. Start drawing. Or if you already draw - draw some more! It's basically free. I mean I'm sure you've got some paper lying around and a pen or pencil. Better yet start writing. Keep a journal and write about anything and everything. Maybe even keep seperate journals one could be a "bitch book" where you just rant and rave and vent. Track your moods and write about what you're feeling but the another entirely separate journal could be about focusing on happy things.

Or.. do you have a lot of magazines sitting around? Maybe instead of cutting your hair you could cut them up and make collages. Let's see.. I'm trying to think of things that are cheap or basically free. How's your nieghborhood? I mean, are you okay with walking around there? Maybe you could start a leaf collection.

The brushes I've had with depression are nothing compared to what you're dealing with and I've never been diagnonsed. All I can say about it is I feel better when I'm doing something. I've only ever been in "that place" once with the hair cutting and I don't know what picked me up out of that. Sorry.