[Lost_Fantasy13]

Dear -

I'm sorry I'm not good enough. I must be doing something wrong.... Because you barely look at me, let alone touch me or hold me... Sex is out of the question... because you "don't have a sex drive".... So I start to think something is wrong with me. There has to be. I give you everything I can. I pay all the bills. I buy the food. I cook, clean, and take care of you. I'm more of a mother then a girlfriend. And thats really not fair to me. I should be your whole world. You should want to spend time with me. You should care about me.... You should want me... But you don't seem to. Whats wrong with me? Is it how I look? How I act? Who I am? Tell me. I need to know... Because I just don't understand....

You just sit there and play your games. Talking on Vent with the Guys. Not giving a damn that I'm ripping apart inside. Not even trying to put an effort in it.
And here I am... waiting for you to notice.... that somethings wrong.

I try to talk to you about it, but we never seem to solve anything. You just pull the "everythings my fault" card, and then I feel I need to keep you from falling into some form of depression so we never solve anything... I don't want to hurt you... but talking to you about any of this will hurt you. I know it. And I'm scared to. And I'm doubting us... because I deserve more then this.

I deserve someone that cares about me. Someone that will help me, or at least try to. Someone that will listen through my panic attacks and not try to pity party their way out of them. Just cause I'm not doing well mentally doesn't mean you can freak out cause your "Helpless"... I need someone to hold me and tell me everything will be alright. I need someone that will snuggle with me. And talk with me. And love me. I need someone that will fulfill my desires.... my needs.... I'm a woman that needs a man that will drop everything and come running if I need him. I need someone that has a stable job that can take care of me. Cause I'm SICK AND TIRED of taking care of EVERYONE else. I need someone that will take me on dates and show me off to the world. Being proud I'm his girl. I need someone that can cook, and clean. Because I'm not always gonna wanna do it. I need someone to be there for me... That won't choose anything over me. That will make me their world.... and baby if you can't do this for me... I'm scared that things won't work out.... because I'm NOT your mother. I'm your girlfriend and I deserve to be loved.