[Serah]

I know that breaking up with him is probably the right thing to do but I'm too weak to do so. And everyone is expecting this, but it's not an easy thing to do. We had broken up before for about seven months, didn't talk to each other at all and just tried to move on. I dated someone else that I cared for and treated me right but it just wasn't the same. I wasn't happy with him like I'm happy with my boyfriend right now. Everyone fights, you learn from it and move on or you hold grudges. I try not to let this stuff get to me.

Maybe I should have told all of you this, maybe it will change your opinions. My boyfriend's best friend is moving across the country and he's not coming back. I know that doesn't give him the right to treat me wrong but maybe that's why he's been harsh to me? I'm not too sure. I'm not trying to justify his actions and I'm sorry if it seems like I am.

I don't need a guy's attention 100% of the time. It bothers me when just guy friends of mine text me non-stop. I don't like being the center of attention but at the same time I want some attention. If he's spending time with me, it should be about me not about some game. What I feel is that I deserve some attention and I feel I deserve to be treated equally amongst the other things in his life, whether it be family, friends, hobbies, etc. I talked to a guy friend of mine and he said something that really hit home, there is only one real thing you get to choose in life, besides your friends, and that's your beloved. If you choose a hobby over your beloved you're throwing away one of the most important choices in your life. You don't get to choose what family you're born into or what gender you're attracted to, you get to choose who it is your spend your life with though.

Like I said, I'm not trying to defend him and I know it seems that way. I'm sure he loves me and cares about me, just rarely shows it. He has done things to show he cares and he has shown he loves me. He just doesn't show it all the time like he should. I know he cares about me and I know he loves me, he just does a crappy job of showing it. And maybe I am jealous but feeling like a game has power over him that I've never had is just stupid. Call it jealousy, I don't care, but I shouldn't feel a some game comes before me. A game will not comfort you when you're upset and a game can't save your life when you're hanging from a cliff. It is what it is, just a game.

I have given him the same treatment with a different situation before and he didn't like it. I could always try it again to get him to realize how much of an ass he's being. Or there's always the possibility it could back fire and make me feel more alone and isolated.