[Ginger]

I know how you feel O_O Except I'm kinda the opposite..

I feel like if I hang out with any of my guy friends that I'm instantly going to be a target for anyone who doesn't like me to ruin my relationship by making up stupid stories about "what they saw" or "what they heard". This might seem really weird, but I feel like I'm cheating if I'm even alone in the same room with any of my guy friends without him around because I don't know what he thinks when I tell him something like that. I don't want him thinking I would ever do that to him because I know how it feels. I've never wanted to make anyone feel like I did, even before it happened to me.

To be completely honest I don't feel comfortable around a lot of my boyfriend's friends who are girls. He's had a thing for a lot of them at one point or another and I just don't like the thought of them being alone together. It's not jealousy or trust that's the issue. I don't even know what it is. I guess I get wrapped up in what could have come between my boyfriend and I getting together when we did if him and so-and-so got together for however long. Everything happens for a reason, but I get uneasy when I see any of his friends that he once had a thing for, and who probably had a thing for him too at some point. Maybe even the same time he did, but nothing serious happened between them. I guess I feel like they're going to flirt with him. They do have the tendency to ignore me when I'm around and keep eye contact with him.

I love him with everything I have in me, but sometimes I feel distant from everything, like I don't belong where I am and that he belongs with someone else that he's already been with, but I wouldn't let that happen because he deserves better.

As for girl friends in my area, no one here really likes me either lol. I don't know what it is, but I'm hoping to make some new friends who are girls when I find a job.