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#12
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Suzerain of Sheol
Desolation Denizen
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I think the re-write is an improvement, except for this line:
He did not think it would ever occur to himself to do the same thing.
It just feels clunky to me. Mostly the "himself" in there. The whole thing though feels a bit unwieldy, though.
Cold silence has a tendency
to atrophy any sense of compassion
between supposed lovers.
Between supposed brothers.
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Posted 08-05-2011, 07:59 PM
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