Suzerain of Sheol
Desolation Denizen
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#17
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If you wouldn't mind a suggestion, I think having her recall it in very brief trauma-flashbacks while she's doing other things could be very effective. Give it to the reader in little pieces until it catches with where she is currently. I'd advise italicizing those parts, if you decide to do that.
And, I just started Andrew's section. Another example of the show/tell thing, when you describe his fiancee, it evokes nothing in me. You're just stating facts without giving me a reason to empathize with them. Rather than just bluntly throw the concepts out there, let the reader actually see them and come to those conclusions on their own. Like, have Andrew remember something briefly that made him love his fiancee so much, just a small moment that meant a lot to him, as an example.
Cold silence has a tendency
to atrophy any sense of compassion
between supposed lovers.
Between supposed brothers.
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Posted 07-28-2011, 06:22 PM
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