[Mizeria]

Dear -

I'm sorry. For everything. But most of all for turning to the one person you ask me not. He's the only one to response when the panic hits me. I love you and only you forever and I hope you believe me. I know he's still stuck on me and still wants me back, but more than that he wants me happy. I freaked out yesterday. The stress has really been getting to me. I texted two people. You first, and then him. You didn't respond and that sent the breakdown I was having into full swing. He kept me calm through work. When I got home I thought I would be fine. Yet as soon as I tried to sleep... This job holds our future and it scares me that its all left up to a test that doesn't even apply to our work. I was freaking out but I couldn't get you to wake up. I know things are not perfect and never will be but things are better and you've been there for me. But yesterday you weren't. And I needed you.
I'm sorry for leaning on someone else. I'm scared and worried about what the future holds. I'm unstable and fragile. Things are getting to me that shouldn't and I fear that you might have misunderstood if you saw those messages. If you really want me to I'll delete him from my life. No facebook. No Skype. No Phone.
I would do that for you honey. The only reason I haven't yet is he is always there if I can't get ahold of anyone else.
I don't know if you'll see this or not... and I'm not sure how to bring it up in person. I don't want you hurting because of me... and I fear that it will hurt you I turn to him...
God why do I keep messing things up?