[Mizeria]

Dear -

I know I don't ask for much, and I know when I do ask for something its normally impossible for you to help me with it. Yet here I am with request(s) and I pray you will see me through the hard times ahead.

I need this job, and so I need to pass this test. I've taken it before but its not the same now... theres actually a need for me to pass it this time. (With the highest score possible) So please oh please help me to achieve one of the new jobs. Please;

I wish you would do something already. You're ruining your god damn life and you don't even care. Blame me or whoever else you want but nothing will change till you change it yourself. You're about to lose everything and you're to blind to see it. What are you going to do if you lose your job? What are you going to do when she doesn't take you back if you fuck things up again? Blame me for you relationship. Fine. But its the ONLY good thing in your life right now. If you can't even see that then boy you're already to far gone to realize.

I wish you would be more careful. I still worry about you. Even though you're farther from me then ever before. I'm scared that something is going to happen and I'll never be able to talk to you again. You still mean so much to me, and I don't know what I would do if I ever lost you.

I'll never forgive you. Ever. You've hurt me for the last time, and now you're taking your problems and your stress out on those closest to you. Grow Up. We don't deserve your shit. It's not our fault that everything is falling to pieces around you. Nothing you say will change that, but some of us are not stable enough to deal with your shit. Get over yourself. Pull your shit together. Or get out of my life.

I'm so scared. Everything is about to change... and you don't even have a job yet... What happens when I don't get the new job? What happens when we can't pay rent. I know you hate it when I freak out. And I know we should be saving money but we keep spending it. I'm so worried about what the future holds. I've been holding it together as much as I can but I'm not as strong as you think... You know me better then anyone... Why can't you see how worried I am?

You are the only one in the family that I truly never want to lose. And I feel I'm losing you. You're keeping things from me, and the one thing I want to talk to you about I can't bring myself to. Cause it would make it real and that would kill me inside. I'm scared about whats happening. I just want everything back to normal. You used to walk on water... but now you're slowing slipping under the waves. I miss you. The way things were... I don't care what makes you happy... but I wish you could find a better way to do it then this... I wish I could just talk to you about this. If only it was simple... but it feels like it's not my place... I hope things get better soon...