[Suzerain of Sheol]

Okay, sorry this took so long. I woke up late today and had to go out earlier.

So, onto the review.

First off, I... don't actually have that much to say. And that's because my critiquing style is to pretty much gloss over the positives and try to point out areas that need improvement. You're not making a lot of the mistakes I normally see, which I find really impressive, given that I see them in published books more often than not. I don't think I really need to list out the things you aren't doing wrong, do I? I mean, I can, if you think it would help you. Let me know.

I will say this, though, I would keep reading, which is something else I don't end up saying much in a review. I'm sufficiently interested that I'd read more.

Now, one thing that stands out a bit is that what's going on so far is a tad difficult to follow. I think the first instance of See in the text works well, as it causes a double take before the reader realizes its intentional and sets up what's coming. But after that, I got kind of lost as to what exactly was going on. Like, is this Feel drug the whole issue, or are these characters psychic in some way beyond that? I assume Feel somehow induces synesthesia in the user? The way you use egotism in the narrative, I gather it's more than just a descriptive term. Am I right in this? And Hatter has some kind of reverse empathy thing going on? As I said, I'm not entirely clear on the whole psychic angle. (There is a psychic angle, right? I'll feel really stupid, if not.

On to the actual writing, the only issue I really have with it is that your sentences tend to be a bit convoluted. Like, they stretch on a bit too long, and their meaning isn't clear until you've read the entire thing and then assembled back in the context of the paragraph. I guess the simplest way to put it across is that there are flow issues. The way the sentences are worded, they break up the reading process and make the story harder to follow. Unfortunately, it's hard to show you exactly what I mean without line-editing and this isn't really the format to do that in.

I think it would help though if you went through and cut out any words that can reasonably gotten rid of without changing the meaning of the sentence. In other cases, maybe breaking the sentences up or rearranging them might make it a bit easier to follow.

Now, if, on the other hand, this style of long, somewhat-fractured ideas is a device to frame Alex's viewpoint, I can understand why you did it, and I do think the reader will get used to it eventually, just... you might risk losing readers, the way it's written at the moment. If that is the case, I think you could reach a compromise of verisimilitude and accessibility with some careful editing.

Other than that, though, I can't think of much else to comment on. The pacing, dialogue, characterization, and everything else I didn't mention all seemed to more or less work. If you want specific comments on anything else, let me know. Or just if you have any questions.

If you decide to post more, I'll definitely read and review it for you. :)