[Quiet Man Cometh]

Haven't read anything else in the thread yet, just have to say this:

"Will it never end? Will I ever be truly free from the darkness?"

This line, here. Get rid of it. Make it go away. Now. Send it to the darkest pit in the lowest realm of Baator to never again bleed from the nip of a well intentioned pen!

Okay, got that out. I started reading through the beginning of your story but came to a screeching hault at the above line, mostly because it's a very common and very cliched comment. I've seen it a number of times in writing and if one thinks about it, it really doesn't add anything to the story. We can see from the character's actions that she's unsure of herself and afraid of the sun, and we can tell from the fact that she's trying to leave the underdark in the first place that she has something he's trying to get away from. The line adds nothing new in terms of story information as far as that goes.

As for as emotion goes, which might be part of the purpose, it really doesn't do much either, since as a simple lament the emotional impression is flat. It gives the impression of hopelessness, which to the reader isn't true because if she's trying to get away from the underdark in the first place, obviously she has some hope of escape, and since we don't know what the character has been through up until now, it ultimately means nothing and just sounds like the character is whining.

It might -heck, it does- sound like I'm putting a lot of thought into one line of text, but this is one of those lines/sentiments that I see a lot in stories and really just adds dead weight to a piece. There's no need to replace it with anything. I believe the paragraph is a lot stronger with out.