[Delicious Nightmare]

Hey, here is your warning this is a post where i will talk about my life, or thoughts or be emo or whatever. Alright now that you've been warned. Its time to start. I'm kate, I'm 22 and in may i will be 23. I have 2 kids and a husband. Just in case you didn't know. Anyway. I want to talk about my husband.
I love him and i will say that a lot most likely. Even when I hate him, i love him. At the end of the day its him i want to be with and talk to and hold or what ever else. We have are problems and we fight, loudly. We say mean things and a lot has gone wrong. But we have been together for 7 years. And even when he is mean and i want to run away and give it all up. When i think about him I cant see me with out him. I don't think i could ever be happy with out him. He is a very stressed man. Because of my illnesses he has been thrown into the world of multiple jobs and never sleeping. Doing some house work and so on just so me and the kids can be happy. I want to believe that I'm worth it all but I don't think i am.. He snaps so often and i try to help but i always get told that I'm not doing as much as he is doing. And that i have it easy next to him.
Its painful to hear coming from him. I might not work two jobs(one full time and one part time), but i take care of two kids all day. I have a very bad back and i suffer from depression. I might get more sleep then him but at the end of the day we are both tired.
I have been trying to get better and to take weight off him. To do more around the house so he can come home and rest. And he does, he might not get as many hours resting as he wishes.. I tell him all the time that he is awesome and that I'm proud to be be his wife. I try any thing to make him feel better.
I don't know what to do, we fight a lot. And when we do its bad, and i fight hard not to slip up and hurt my self again. I try hard to be understanding and know that he is just stressed.
I fight daily with my self even when me and my husband doest. I find my self being self destructive a lot and i am doing what i can to fix that. I want him to see it might not be the same as him but its just as hard. Im in pain every day even before i do any thing. But I still get up and take care of our sons. And I like to believe i do a pretty damn good job.
I feel like its time to throw the towel in and leave. But I know if i did, i would never look at any one the way i look at my husband. I know I would never want any one else. I believe then when you meet the one for you thats the one.. And He is my one, but i dont know if im his one.