[Misericorde]

Okay, so I don't normally rant about these sorts of things too often online, but I've gotten to the point where if I don't talk about it, I may just do something stupid... Nothing really caused this, it's just my life, and the crappy way that it has always been, the way I fear it will always be... Hell, I don't even know how to start this thread, because this is probably such a cliche story. But I'm so sick and tired of being alone. I'm tired of being the girl that no one wants. I've had so many guys be like "Oh I wanna f**k you so bad" and stuff. But only a select few have said "I wanna be with you", and those that have only ended up hurting me... I'm tired of being the girl that people point at, laugh at, make fun of, whisper about. I know it sounds stupid, but I know that I'm going to be one of those people that dies alone. I can't find anything real for me. The only person that ever found me beautiful was my mother. The only one that ever made me feel like I would find someone someday was my mom. Truth is, I don't think I'm ever going to find someone. I've had to face the facts that I'm just not that girl. I'm not the one that someone would want to fall asleep next to and wake up next to. I'm not the one that people look at with an adoring gaze. I'm that fat ugly chick who shakes the house when she walks. I'm the girl that struggles all the time with her weight, trying everything and anything to lose the weight. I'm the girl that wishes she could just end all the pain with a single stroke. I just don't know what to do anymore. I want the hurt to stop. I want to belong to someone. I want someone to love, to hold... But no one wants me... I feel like I'm wandering in a world that I wasn't meant to live in... I feel so alone, and it never gets better. I never feel better... And it's never gotten better, not for a moment. That loneliness haunts me. It's like a shadow that follows me through everything that I do... I want to escape, but I feel that any method I try will only be the success of it engulfing me forever...