[Jurinjo]

I have people I call friends...but I haven't really hung out with them in awhile and I'm feeling a distance. Already I have self-esteem issues. I feel unworthy of other people. All I know how to do is what I'm told basically and friends dont' really come out and say what.

I cannot discern it, and twice a particular friend actually pulled me aside to tell me not to stop trying to please people. "pfft" is what I thought. When I hung out with them then I sort of just...stood around smiling and responding to cues for laughing, smiling, etc. Not really a talker in real life. Such a tiny thing but it's eating at me. Are they my friends? Am I even a good friend? Do they really want me around? I'm not socially fun and never have I done anything for them despite my deep desire to they just don't NEED me. I've been crying for an hour and texted asking for a good time to come visit. Probably going to be a "whenever you want" answer which keeps me away cause any time I do that it's at a bad time.

This whole week has been stressful I'm not looking forward to returning to work.