[Azrael]

I can... sorta relate. I understand how you want so badly to mean something to someone. I'm one of those people that expects in return what I give in a relationship... so when I try really hard (er, considering I've never dated I'm counting friendships here) with someone and I get shit in return, it hurts. A lot. And... I dunno. I know what you mean, laying in bed and thinking that no one would miss you. I personally know it's not completely true. I have my mom at the very least. But others I'm never so sure about, and leaving high school was kind of a slap in the face about that. I've always understood you drift apart after high school. I never expected that people I thought I was close with would just drop me the moment they no longer need something from me.

Anyway, I kind of try to figure out what I want to do with my life and focus on that. For me it's to go to Japan right now (er, despite the devastation), and whenver I think about it, trying to picture what it'd be like and the feeling, I get all butterfly-y. so... I don't know, don't focus on what you don't have, focus on what you could have and you want to have. Cause I know from personal experience, the moment I start wondering why I don't have someone or whatever, I get depressed as hell. So I try not to think about it.