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Pisces · Posted 03-10-2011, 09:50 PM

It's wonderful Rousi! I love anything about strong women. <3

In the first paragraph, you should combine those first two sentences. It'll be a long sentence, but the second part, although still technically a sentence, is an awkward one. "Hippolita can only blame herself and struggle with her delicacy in ways unknown and or more correctly not willingly understood by a modern woman." You should put a comma after "and" and "correctly" so that it reads, "Hippolita can only blame herself and struggle with her delicacy in ways unknown and, or more correctly, not willingly understood by a modern woman."

"He, just as many of the female characters throughout these novels are, is blind." This is a good sentence, but the way that it's broken up leads to some mental tripping over a step. "Are" and "is" are two subject-agreement words that get mixed up all the time, and although they are used correctly, having them right next to each other makes you sort of go, "wait, what?" My recommendation would to not break up the phrases, so it would read along the lines of, "Just as many of the female characters throughout these novels are, he is blind."

Everything else looks beautimous! You're gonna knock his socks off!

Brb, dinner

		#792	Pisces MWAHAHAHAHA!
It's wonderful Rousi! I love anything about strong women. <3 In the first paragraph, you should combine those first two sentences. It'll be a long sentence, but the second part, although still technically a sentence, is an awkward one. "Hippolita can only blame herself and struggle with her delicacy in ways unknown and or more correctly not willingly understood by a modern woman." You should put a comma after "and" and "correctly" so that it reads, "Hippolita can only blame herself and struggle with her delicacy in ways unknown and, or more correctly, not willingly understood by a modern woman." "He, just as many of the female characters throughout these novels are, is blind." This is a good sentence, but the way that it's broken up leads to some mental tripping over a step. "Are" and "is" are two subject-agreement words that get mixed up all the time, and although they are used correctly, having them right next to each other makes you sort of go, "wait, what?" My recommendation would to not break up the phrases, so it would read along the lines of, "Just as many of the female characters throughout these novels are, he is blind." Everything else looks beautimous! You're gonna knock his socks off! Brb, dinner A Fishy and .Rousi Quest Animal Lover? Come join us! Best people on earth can be found at the 10,000 Cat Paws Charity! Gogo super kinspowers flowers and fish react!
	Posted 03-10-2011, 09:50 PM