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Dear Diary... Closed for now.
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Absinthe
Comfortably Numb
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15
Dear Diary,
I hurt so much. I don't want to live like this. I wanted to hurt myself last night, but once again, I couldn't. Third time in what...3...4 years? I guess it's a good thing. Mom would be so devastated she'd probably take her life as well. I couldn't have that.
Chemical imbalances are weird. Why do I have to have one? Why me? Why do I suffer and hurt and cry and feel everything like it's a knife through the heart? I hate being so sensitive, so vulnerable, so moody. I hate who I am and what this makes me.
I'll get help, like I always do. But really...is this going to be my life? Freaking out and going suicidal every year or two when medications stop working? What a waste of a life.
I know "normal" doesn't exist, but that's what I want to be. Take that as either meaning "normal" or "not existing". Either is accurate.
Love,
me
Posted 08-16-2010, 09:25 AM