[Absinthe]

Dear Diary,

I hurt so much. I don't want to live like this. I wanted to hurt myself last night, but once again, I couldn't. Third time in what...3...4 years? I guess it's a good thing. Mom would be so devastated she'd probably take her life as well. I couldn't have that.

Chemical imbalances are weird. Why do I have to have one? Why me? Why do I suffer and hurt and cry and feel everything like it's a knife through the heart? I hate being so sensitive, so vulnerable, so moody. I hate who I am and what this makes me.

I'll get help, like I always do. But really...is this going to be my life? Freaking out and going suicidal every year or two when medications stop working? What a waste of a life.

I know "normal" doesn't exist, but that's what I want to be. Take that as either meaning "normal" or "not existing". Either is accurate.

Love,
me