[Bina Fydan]

Dear Diary,

Last week I was happy after a vacation and receiving a permit, feel like part of me is growing up. Thought I would stay happy and positive til today, back to how I was before feeling down with myself with a lot of things. Want a job, get a car of my dreams along with a license. Harder for me because I'm hard of hearing that not only speak English but Sign Language as well. I'm trying to hard to get ahead. I know that I made some risky mistakes but lucky I'm even alive. Knowing my guiding angels (yes, 3) will help me if I say the word. Please help me through this. I want to be happy with a comfortable living. Sadly hard to find what really makes me happy anymore, my sister sure isn't. Want what is best for her. For her, is an incredible person with so much potential. It hurts me that the one she is with restraining her the things she loves and the family she wants to spend time with but missed out a lot on. She dreads this, I know deep down. Why can't she see what I can see? She's pure in her own right and that guy sure knows how to screw it up. Not only did he screw up her life, but mine as well. Now I'm doing for the better. Inside, I may feel not human because of the spirit that resides within me but stuck in a human shell. Must learn the ways of the mortal life, human wise. Why does this world has to be so frigging difficult!? Argh! Can't I be thin too!? I know I'm meant to be that way, can see myself, but can't all because of no money, can't be healthy.. isn't that ironic, in order to get healthy is have good amount of money to buy stuff. I hate that! Can't we all learn to get along and fight for our planet? I guess not! Can't you teenagers this generation get the point to USE A FRICKING CONDOM.. otherwise we wouldn't be so overly populated. I don't understand why is it okay to have babies when you're like 14-16. You don't have a grasp of reality of the world, not all parents can help you nor afford to help you with your baby. Don't you think for others!? I don't want to offend anyone but this how it frustrates me. I just wish people understands and takes things into consideration. Not only that but for the better too. Hopefully after this diary, things will go better. I sure do dang hope so. I want everyone to have a happy life, isn't that too much to ask? *Shrugs* Who knows, thanks for listening God, it makes me feel better. Now I think I am done, though I know I got more inside my heart, but worth to say for another day. So long.

Much love,
~Stefanie~